Descent (or the Three Faces of Regina)
by WhywouldIwantto
Summary: Set after the S3 finale, Regina starts to lose her grip her on her sanity. The dichotomy of opening herself up to love and having her heart broken is having a literal effect on her heart and her magic. Note change in rating for sexual situations. Now with Happy Ending!
1. Descent c1

**Disclaimer: Not mine, just borrowing.**

**Author's Note: This story is unlikely to have a happy ending. The finale bugged the ever living crap out of me, so much so that I have been inspired to write for the first time in years.**

**Also, I'm Australian, I type using British English though the one exception I make is "Mom" because Henry saying "Mum" looks weird.**

**I'll try and post once a week, though I am overseas for 10 days from Friday so I'll try and get another chapter up before I go.**

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"You did this?" she whispered, her voice catching.

"I just… wanted to save her life," Emma stammered.

Regina's face flicked with her emotions as they overcame her; rage, hurt, disbelief, despair. "You're just like your mother…" She stopped and giggled, slapping a hand over her mouth at the unwelcome sound, her eyes widening in shock. A beat followed as Emma looked at her with a slightly shocked expression, laughter being the last thing she expected. Regina couldn't help herself, the inappropriate reaction seemed to want to explode out of her as she giggled again. And then she laughed, a half stifled cackle as she tried desperately to contain herself. Regina drew a deep breath, trying to reign herself in but lost the battle on her exhale as she broke out into waves of full on belly laughs.

The diner fell silent at the unusual sight of the Evil Queen bent over in a paroxysm of laughter, tears streaming down her face as she laughed wildly, maniacally. Emma reached over to touch Regina's shoulder but was shrugged off.

"You couldn't…" Regina tried to catch her breath between her laughter. "You couldn't make this stuff up!"

She keeled over laughing again, as Henry ran up, concern written on his face.

"Mom? Mom, what's going on?"

Regina wiped the tears from eyes and still laughing tried to explain, "Snow… my mother… Daniel's heart… Emma and… Robin's dead wife… it's like…"

"What did you do?" Henry asked, turning to face Emma and trying to make sense of Regina's disjointed explanation.

"I should've… should've listened," Regina gasped as her hysterical laughter finally seemed to be winding down.

"Listened to what?" Henry asked, looking back and forth between his mothers. "Villains," Regina gasped out though her hysterics. "We don't get happy endings."

"Kid, I…" Emma began at the same time Robin softly whispered, "Regina…" raising his head from his family huddle.

Regina took a step back, still chuckling slightly at the whole scenario. She knew her reaction was unconventional, irrational and possibly borderline crazy. She could feel the inevitable emotional crash coming and she definitely wanted to be alone when it came. Turning, she walked out of the silent diner, breathing deeply in an effort to contain herself. The laughter had stopped but the unreal sense of what had just occurred stayed with her. Regina moved more quickly, wanting to be well away from the people that were causing her mental anguish and heartbreak.

As soon as she was out of the diner, she magicked herself to her apple tree. She collapsed at its roots and leant back against the trunk, watching the shadows of night flicker across the garden. She felt an unseasonal chill blowing gently across her face and wondered if this was the moment she was finally going to crack.

Alone with her thoughts, suddenly Marian's return didn't seem so funny. She felt foolish for hoping for more from life than just the freedom to live it, to be more than the damaged daughter of a monster. All she had succeeded in doing was becoming an even bigger and more devastating monster than her mother had ever been. What right did she have to expect anything other than exactly what she got?

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She woke the next morning, still against her apple tree and stiff with the morning cold. Dragging herself up, she went inside the house, intent on a hot shower and a cup of coffee. 'The villagers are probably sharpening their stakes and lighting their torches to come after the clearly unhinged Evil Queen,' she thought caustically. She'd begin damage control once she had cleaned herself up. She'd put on a power suit, march into Granny's and get her morning coffee as she always did. This was her town and her mother had taught her to always hold her head up high.

Her mind replayed the events in diner, pausing over Emma's guilty and shamefaced reaction, Robin's concerned eyes and Henry's confused ones. She thought about her perfect afternoon with Robin and Roland and waited for the heart crushing grief to come, for the hot tears and gut wrenching sobs to overcome her.

She waited a beat and then continued her shower perfunctory. Maybe she was in shock, she thought. Or maybe she wasn't really in love with Robin. Maybe she was just numb to pain and disappointment. She pushed the unhelpful thoughts aside and carried on getting ready for her day.

She surprised the people in Storybrook, she knew, by showing up at Granny's for her usual coffee on her way to work but what else could she do? Life went on and if she wasn't planning to enact a new curse to destroy Emma (she wasn't) then she decided there was nothing to be done but hold her head high and try and live out her remaining years with as much peace and dignity as her past would allow.

Regina had not factored her bout of hysterical laughter into her rationale, and the customers at Granny's were duly cautious of the perfectly put together and seemingly calm Mayor. Adding to her discomfort was the realisation that Robin and his perfectly reunited family were breakfasting in one of the booths. After ordering her coffee, she straightened up, took a deep breath and strolled over to the Locksleys.

"I'm sorry to interrupt your breakfast but I'd like to apologise for my behaviour yesterday. It was remarkably untoward and I cannot imagine what came over me." She looked Robin in the eye as she said this, refusing to flinch at his sorrowful gaze.

Before anyone else could speak, Regina continued, addressing Marian directly, "I am sure Emma would have explained to you that several decades have passed for the rest of us since she rescued you from my dungeons and that many things have changed during these years. I am no longer the Evil Queen but I understand that you may have trouble believing that. I hope in time you will no longer be fearful of me." She smiled at Roland and nodded slightly to Marian. "I'll leave you to your breakfast. Welcome to Storybrook."

Marian just nodded her head slightly, still fearful and unable to speak. Regina waited a beat to see if Robin would say anything but he just stared at her, his expression blank. Regina could feel the mad laughter welling up in her again so she turned and walked back to the counter. As she paid for her coffee she felt her sanity slip away another notch. 'Why had he not said anything to her? Anything at all? Not even a thank you for welcoming my wife to town?' She cursed herself for her naïve hope and left the diner, trying to quash the hysterics she could feel rising inside her. She could hear the sighs of relief from the other diners as she left. Frowning slightly, she tried to shrug it off and not let the suspicions and mistrust of the townsfolk bother her but it stung. After everything she had done for them recently, she thought she might be granted a little grace, if not a little sympathy.

As she turned this over in her head, she noticed Emma walking up towards her. Regina nodded, acknowledging her, "Miss Swan."

"Regina," Emma said. "Can we talk?"

"I am on my way to the office, you may walk with me if you wish," Regina assented graciously, though without any warmth.

"Look, I just wanted to say I am sorry. I am sorry my actions have hurt you. I did what I thought was right but I never wanted this. I never meant to cause you pain. I never meant to ruin your happy ending," Emma spoke quietly and solemnly. "If my little trip to the past taught me anything, it is how much you really have changed, Regina. You deserve so much better than this."

"On the contrary, I think we both know that this is exactly what I deserve."

"Henry doesn't think that and neither do I. Nor do Snow or David or countless others you have saved and proven yourself to in this town."

"It's a nice sentiment, Miss Swan, but you know as well as I that Henry will continue to believe whatever he chooses to believe. You forget that he has never really seen the past me. He doesn't really know the depths I have sunk to," Regina offered quietly but firmly.

Emma sighed, unwilling to argue the point further. Instead, she chose a different approach. "I will do whatever I can to help you fix this," she said resolutely.

Regina stopped and looked at her strangely. "What on earth makes you think I want to 'fix' this? You've just given the man I love his true love back. You've given Roland his mother back. They can be a family again, they can be happy again. You've given him the most wonderful gift of all, a second chance with his first love. I would never want to take that away from him."

It was Emma's turn to stop and stare at Regina strangely. "How can you be so calm? How can you give up on him like this?"

Regina stepped closer to Emma and whispered very gently, "In what world would he choose an evil, damaged, horrible queen over his first love, wife and mother of his child?" Emma winced at the raw and naked pain in Regina's voice.

She stepped back and straightened her coat. "Besides, I am not giving up on him, as you put it. But I am letting him go. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to get on with and a town to fix. Zelena did a real number on this place and I intend to see it righted." She continued walking to her office, leaving Emma staring after her dejected.

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Ok, folks, let me know what you think...


	2. Descent c2

**Another chapter as promised. A big thank you to those who have taken the time to review, I had forgotten how good that feels and it has made me a more a diligent reviewer. I hope you enjoy this part, though it is a little short, it had a natural pause where it seemed right to end it.**

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For the next few weeks Regina threw herself into restoring the town. Between the all the curses, the epic battles and uncertainties over the last several years, Storybrook had suffered and Regina was determined to make sure people felt safe and could prosper in her town once more. She spent her days dealing with contractors and restoration teams that were fixing up the damaged parts of the town and her nights running budgetary analysis, trying to come up with more funding for the town's infrastructure. Now that Storybrook was free of the curse and running on real time, she wanted to make sure the town would have everything it needed to grow. Regina was desperate to keep busy and she fell asleep exhausted every night, though she still woke with the dawn every morning.

Henry was currently dividing his time between his mothers, alternating weeks with each. When Henry was around, she worked less and devoted as much time as they had to catching up and rebuilding their relationship. It was harder to keep busy when he wasn't around but Regina pushed on, burying herself in her work and Henry.

Regina passed the first month of Marian's return in a daze. Henry was determined to keep her spirits up and she appreciated her son's concern. She found it easier to respond to him and felt more open and loving towards him than ever before. It was easier to pretend that she was okay with Henry because when she was with him, she really felt she _was_ okay.

The Charmings were less easy to reassure. Snow had come by her office twice a week since the debacle in the diner. She was always cautiously cheerful and she always brought along Neal who she shamelessly used to ensure Regina would welcome her in. Snow never brought up Robin or Marian directly, though she updated Regina on Roland's doings in between inconsequential pieces of town gossip.

Regina enjoyed these visits. Her relationship with Snow was finally comfortable for both of them. Though they would never be close, they had a shared history of both good and bad and with that came a familiarity neither could deny. Regina could privately admit that she loved Snow, almost in the same unconditional way that she loved Henry, Roland and baby Neal. She didn't particularly like Snow at times, but she did love her. The realisation didn't make her as uncomfortable as it should have but since she had opened her heart to love with Robin she now found it impossible to close off.

She tuned back into Snow's prattle, just in time to hear, "So with the weather turning colder we need to start looking for more permanent accommodations for those living in the forest."

"Yes, of course," Regina said absently, switching Neal from one arm to the other and rocking him gently. "We have the new housing projects underway, but the first of the houses won't be ready for weeks yet. Is there an immediate need?"

"Not for most of them, truthfully most of the Merry Men prefer the forest, but I have been asked to speak to you about rehoming one particular case." Snow paused and then hurriedly continued, speaking fast as if it would be easier to get it out. "I overheard Marian and Robin talking the other day about finding someone more permanent to live for Roland's sake. Marian is worried about them living out in the forest and wants a proper home for them. Robin saw that I had overheard and asked me if I had any suggestions and I thought maybe Zelena's farmhouse would be suitable for them. I know I probably overstepped, but Marian seemed so concerned for Roland and then excited by the idea of a farmhouse that I couldn't help it, I said I would broach the matter with you." Snow finished, panting out the last sentence as if she had run a mile.

Regina felt her heart clench and she tightened her grip on Neal. She felt ill, her eyes grew hazy and her breath became short. "Regina, are you ok?" Snow asked worriedly, putting her hand on her shoulder. Regina was unresponsive, her mind trapped with images of Robin and Marian setting up a perfect home for Roland in her half-sister's farmhouse. Regina's mind tortured her with scenarios of family breakfasts and proud parents tucking their son into bed. She was frozen in the moment imagining how the Locksley's future life would unfold.

Snow took Regina's cheeks in her hands and looked her in the eyes. "It's okay, just take a deep breath," Snow said stroking her cheeks. Regina's eyes flashed deep blue, startling Snow, but she kept murmuring nonsense comfort words as Regina slowly came back to herself. Regina looked around uncomprehendingly for a minute, as Snow kept asking if she was okay.

"I'm fine, Snow, I just drifted off for a minute there," she said, her voice not quite steady. Clearing her throat, she pulled herself together and continued, "I have no objection to the Locksley's living in Zelena's old farmhouse, though it may require some work. Let me find the keys for you. If they need any major improvements made to the property, please let me know," Regina passed Neal back to Snow and stood to start rooting through her drawers for the house keys.

"Regina," Snow started.

"Please don't," Regina asked quietly.

"Have you spoken to him at all?" Snow asked, unable to help herself.

"No, I haven't." Regina said shortly. "What is there to say?"

"I know you two were close. I know you were getting close to something together. You can't just let that go," Snow said desperately.

Regina spun to face Snow and said angrily, "And what would you have me do? What would you have me say? His wife is alive and well and living here in Storybrook. His wife! That in all likelihood I killed once upon a time!" Regina continued looking for the keys. "Besides, Robin knows where I am if he wanted to talk he would've sought me out by now." She triumphantly shook the keys and tossed them to Snow. "Now if you don't mind, lots to do here," Regina said dismissively.

"He hasn't come by to see you at all?" Snow asked aghast. Regina's pained expression gave Snow her answer and her eyes hardened. "I see," Snow said quietly. She strapped Neal into his carrier and got ready to leave. "Regina, just now when you…" she chose her words carefully and Regina's sudden glare, "When we were sitting, your eyes turned blue for a moment."

"They what?" Regina asked confused. "I don't think that is possible, Snow. Could you have just imagined it?"

"I don't think so, they turned a really deep royal blue and then returned to normal."

"It's nothing I have ever heard of, magically speaking. Maybe it was just a trick of the light," Regina looked remarkably unconcerned and began shuffling the papers on her desk in an obvious attempt to get Snow to leave.

"Maybe," Snow conceded though she was unconvinced. Still, she had pushed Regina far enough today, so waving goodbye she left Regina to it. As soon as Snow was gone, Regina tossed down her pen and slumped in her chair. Robin and Marian setting up home in Storybrook? She didn't know she was so stunned by the news, of course they would set up a permanent life here. But even as she rationally justified this new information, she felt her heart break just a little more, the pain making her breath catch. She pushed her hand over her heart as if to stop the knifing pain and again her eyes flashed blue for an instant. She had to find a way to create a portal between Storybrook and the Enchanted Forest for those who would prefer to go back, suspecting (hoping, praying) that Marian would be one of them. She was certain she couldn't face watching the Locksley's happily ever after play out in her town. And now that magic was back she knew just who to call to help her.

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**Ok I am off to the Land of The Long White Cloud - next chapter features Little John and Jefferson - back on the 18th - Cheers!**


	3. Descent c3

**I should mention that this is unbetaed, so all mistakes are my own. Also, don't own them - is that enough of a disclaimer?**

**A big thank you to those who have reviewed, followed and fav'd – it is exactly the motivation a writer needs to finish a tale.****For those who have mentioned the flashing blue eyes, it is magical and linked to her heart but the colour is incidental – I chose blue as the furthest from Regina's natural eye colour.**

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When the repairs and improvement works were well underway Regina found there was less in the mayoral office to do than hours in the day. She poured over the paperwork, double checking orders, delivery dates, costs, budgets, everything she could think of to keep herself occupied. She was so determined not to give into the pain that losing Robin and Roland had caused but in her quiet moments she could feel the anguish and sadness creep up, just waiting for her give in and let it overwhelm her. If she stopped, even for a moment, she felt that she would never start again. She'd become an object of pity, a textbook study of karma before she eventually faded away into the background. She refused to let that happen.

So she started jogging. With Robin safely out of the forest, she got up every morning before dawn, slipped on her old yoga gear and sneakers and began running through her town. For the first week or so she could barely manage a couple of miles before her lungs and thighs gave out but with persistence and her overwhelming desire to exhaust herself, she soon found that she could cover considerable distances. As her body got stronger, she got braver and started running the perimeter of the town. She found herself enjoying the cold mornings in the forest, jumping over fallen logs and scrambling up hills. More importantly, she found that she didn't have to think as she ran. All she could concentrate on was her breath.

She often thought she could feel eyes on her as she ran in the forest, but she never saw anyone and it never felt threatening. Her traitorous heart leapt at the thought that it might Robin, keeping an eye on her from a distance, as though unable to stay away completely. She still hadn't spoken to him since Marian's return, and though she had seen him around town, they had never made eye contact. It hurt that she was so easily dismissed, but she also was grateful not to have to hear or say the words that would break her heart all over again.

Pushing down the nugget of hope that sprung up in her breast, she turned her mind the conversation she had with Jefferson the day before. Whilst not on the best of terms, the portal jumper had mellowed since Grace was returned to him and in an act of surprising forbearance had allowed Regina to speak her piece. She had proposed a permanent, stable portal between the Enchanted Forest and Storybrook for families to be reconnected and travel at will. She argued that it would also help the safety and security of their strange population, given the constant perils they were under, and could be used as an emergency exit if needed.

Jefferson was surprisingly open to this suggestion and they began brainstorming ways that they could use his portal creation abilities with Regina's magic to maintain the connection. They argued back and forth on proposed locations, how it should be hidden, whether it should be on all time and as many other variables as they could think of.

Before she knew it, hours had passed and Regina sat back to look at Jefferson with a surprised smile. "That has to be one of the more enjoyable afternoons I have had in a long time," Regina said.

"Don't look so surprised, darling. We always did get along well. Well, at least when we were getting along we did!" he sing-songed.

Regina laughed despite herself. Standing up to leave she said, "We should probably try and make a prototype work before we get too carried away. We also have to fix against that two go, two return policy of your portals."

"I'll think about it some more and maybe we can sit down again in a week or so," Jefferson suggested, leading her to the front door. "Perhaps over dinner?" he said suggestively.

"Jefferson…" Regina began but seeing the unholy light of mischief in his eyes she felt the challenge and before she could think about it too much continued, "Yes, dinner would be lovely."

He bowed as she walked out the door, extravagantly adding, "I will wait with baited breath, your Majesty."

She rolled her eyes at him and waved.

Now as she thought of what dinner with Jefferson would entail, she wasn't so certain that it was a great idea. She was almost 100% certain that Jefferson didn't have any lingering romantic interest in her and that he was just stirring up trouble but given their past liaisons she couldn't be totally certain. They had seemed to reach a comfortable understanding with each other, not quite friends, but comfortable and Regina wasn't sure that was worth jeopardising. It wasn't like she had many people that could consider as comfortable companions.

Caught up in her thoughts, she missed the tree root lying across her jogging path and went flying, sprawling face first on the forest floor. Luckily, she managed to get her hands out to break her fall but she lay there winded and gasping for breath.

She heard footsteps, and someone calling her name in a frantic tone. She forced herself to roll over, prepared to defend herself if necessary. She knew she had felt eyes on her whilst she was in the bloody forest!

"Regina?" the voice called, getting closer. She shook her head. 'Strange' she thought, 'that almost sounds like..'

"John?" she called as he crested over the hill and into her view. "Oh," she gasped, and collapsed back onto the forest floor. "You had me worried for a second."

"I had you worried?" he asked indignantly, hurrying over to where she lay and dropping to his knees beside her. He began checking her over for injuries, "I'm not the half-witted idiot who feels the need to run for bloody miles every morning." Satisfied that there was nothing immediately wrong with her, he helped her sit up, rubbing a hand up and down her back reassuringly.

"And you're not the one with a hundred hidden enemies still waiting for the chance to get back at the Evil Queen," she retorted, leaning forward and taking a few deep breaths.

"I'm glad to see your snappy tongue wasn't injured when you fell just now," Little John sniped.

"You saw that?" Regina questioned.

"Aye, girl I did. And a very royally dignified a fall it was too," he said, grinning at her.

She groaned, suspecting from the gleam in his eye that she would be hearing about her lack of royal grace for some time to come. "Have you been watching me every morning?"

Little John looked a little shame faced but didn't deny her accusation. "We weren't trying to invade your privacy or anything we just wanted to keep an eye on you. What with everything that has happened recently and you turning all crazy running through the forest every morning, we just wanted to make sure you were okay, but from a distance, like."

"We?" she asked softly, her heart leaping up into her throat.

"Me and few of the lads. You know, Arthur, Thomas and Roger mostly, Simon when is able to get away. We've been taking it turns, you aren't that easy to keep up with any more," he said admiringly.

"So not Robin?" she asked slowly.

"Uh, no," John said, his hand resting on her shoulder. "Robin doesn't know what we have been doing."

"I see," she stammered, looking down, unwanted tears filling her eyes as her heart felt like lead in her chest. The hope that had flared briefly and lightened her heart now felt like it was drowning it in her foolish belief.

John frowned at her retreat and tried to explain, "Marian has requested that Robin stay away from you. He explained how you two had become… friends, and well, Marian didn't take it very well. It's been very overwhelming for her being in his place, having been away so long and, well, Robin is trying to make it as easy on her as possible."

"Yes, of course. I understand." Regina kept her head down, willing her tears away before John could see them.

John pulled her into one armed hug. "He… It's not easy for him. He misses…"

"Please don't," she pleaded softly. "Please don't tell me that he cares or that he misses me or that things aren't easy for him. Please. Because if it's not love then it's not enough."

John sighed and hugged her tighter. There wasn't much he could say to that. He sat with his arm around her in silence, letting her hide her face in his shoulder until she was ready to face the world again. For her part, she breathed in John's scent, so familiarly forest like and dear to her. She forced back her tears and tried to draw strength from John's silent support. It hurt that Robin didn't care enough to see if she was okay, it hurt so much she felt her heart tear just a little bit more. But even as she felt it ripping, it also felt like love was spilling out of it for John and the other Merry Men that had been keeping a silent watch over her.

She pulled out of John's comforting embrace, wiping her eyes hurriedly. "Thank you, Little John. We haven't had the most auspicious of friendships, but… I… it's very kind of you and the boys to think of me."

He pulled her back into a proper hug and said, "Ah Regina, after everything we've been through, after all you did for Robin and Roland, did you really think we'd forget you? Marian's return is both a miracle and a tragedy and we can't change what's happened. But if you ever need me, I'll be there for you."

She kissed him on the cheek and stood up. "I should get home, before Henry wakes up wanting his breakfast," she said, dusting herself off.

Before she could magic herself back home, John caught her hand and said, "For what it's worth, Regina, the way you have handled this," he paused looking for the right words. "I'm impressed. You are graciousness itself and truly stunning in every way."

She reeled at his words, knowing exactly from whom he would've heard that phrase but she understood his intent and her nodded her head gratefully. Just before she flashed out, John could've sworn he saw her eyes turn blue. Shaking his head in bemusement he took himself back to the camp.

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**:-)**


	4. Descent c4

**This story is pretty angsty, so warning: mentions of child abuse in this chapter.**

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"God damn it!" Regina cursed as she slipped on an icy patch outside of Granny's diner, twisting her ankle painfully as she landed on her rear.

"Regina, are you ok?" Emma and Snow rushed over to her, reaching out to help her up.

"Ow, no, damn it. I think I've sprained my ankle," Regina gritted out as Emma hauled her up and onto a seat at one of the outdoor tables. "Why the hell is there an icy patch in the middle of spring?"

"I don't know, the weather has been strange recently," Snow said lifting Regina's ankle onto her lap to inspect it. "Yep, I definitely think you have a nasty sprain. Emma, run inside and get some ice from Granny, will you?"

"Don't bother, Miss Swan, I will heal myself," Regina said with annoyance, conjuring a ball of white light and directing it at her ankle. The light energy hovered over her ankle but seemed to dance over her leg as if slightly repelled by her skin. Regina tried again, the ball of light energy coming easily to her hand but refusing to penetrate her skin into the injured tissue. "God damn it!" she cursed again.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked. "Why isn't it working?"

"Never mind," Regina muttered, not looking either of them in the eye. "I'll go down to the hospital and get it seen too." She tried to stand up but was quickly pushed back down by Emma.

"Would you like me to try to heal you?" she offered.

"No thank you, Miss Swan. I can't be sure you wouldn't accidently cut off my foot or give me an extra toe," Regina said acidly.

"I don't understand why it's not working. You have healed yourself before," Snow said looking concerned.

"It's my magic. It's changed," Regina said curtly her tone not inviting further questioning.

Snow, however, was immune to Regina's temper. "But I don't understand, you use light magic now. It is magic created out of love, shouldn't that make healing easier?"

"If it were anyone else," Regina muttered under breath, forcing herself to stand. She held onto Snow's shoulder to maintain her balance. Emma held a hand to help steady her but Regina shrugged her off. Whilst she was willing to maintain the warmer friendship that she had developed with Snow in the Enchanted Forest, she was still ambivalent about her holier-than-thou Saviour daughter.

Looking down at Snow, she realised her former step daughter wasn't going to let it go so she added, "My dark magic was fuelled by anger and whilst it made healing more difficult, it was a consistent feeling that I was used to. Since my magic changed, _since I have changed_, I can't seem to heal myself. I can conjure the necessary energy but I can't make my body accept it."

"Your body won't accept the magic?" Snow repeated questioningly. Comprehension dawned on her and she sighed, "Oh Regina…"

Regina stiffened and pulled her hand away from Snow. Balancing precariously she said caustically, "If you'll excuse me, I'll be at the hospital getting my ankle tended to." With a wave of her hand she disappeared in a flash of white light.

"Okay, what the hell was that all about?" Emma asked, sitting down next to Snow.

"She doesn't love herself," Snow said sadly. "She can't heal herself because she believes she is unlovable."

Emma scoffed. "The woman who needed to be the fairest in the land doesn't love herself?"

"Emma! That is unkind and unworthy of you. You know those stories aren't real," Snow scolded.

"I know, but seriously? Regina has never been lacking in self-interest."

"That's not the same as being able to love yourself or believing that you are lovable and you know it. You can't imagine what it was like for Regina growing up with Cora for a mother. She… she didn't treat Regina very well," Snow said softly.

"So she had a shitty childhood, didn't we all?" Emma asked carelessly.

Snow looked as if she had slapped her. Emma became immediately contrite, "I didn't mean..." Snow held up her hand to cut her off but Emma continued. "All I'm saying is she isn't the only one who didn't have an ideal childhood but we get over it. We grow up and we get over it."

Snow looked at Emma, her gaze penetrating. "I don't know that it is that simple. Some scars run deep. Regina once confessed to me that by her fourteenth birthday her mother had thrice over broken every one of her bones as various forms of punishment. That sort of abuse would stay with you, especially when done to a child. Regina might _know_ now that her mother loved her, but I am not sure that she _believes_ it. And after everything that has happened with Robin, it's possible that she feels truly unlovable." Snow paused to make sure she had Emma's full attention. "And given your comments just now, I am not at all sure that you _'__grew up and got over it'_ either. I think there is a fairly large part of you that is still angry that we didn't keep you with us."

Emma sighed and nodded. "Perhaps, but maybe that's a conversation for another day. I'm going to do some digging around town and see what I can find out about this weird weather."

"And I'm going to call your father and tell him to go and check on Regina at the hospital," Snow said.

"Dad? Seriously?" Emma questioned.

"They developed this strange non-verbal friendship in the Enchanted Forest. She won't take any more from me today but because she and David don't 'share their feelings' she might just put up with his presence."

Emma shook her head and waved goodbye as Snow pulled out her phone.

* * *

"Mom?"

Regina raised her head from where a nurse was strapping her ankle. "Henry?"

"Hey, Mom," he barrelled up to her hugging her exuberantly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked hugging him back.

"Gramps brought me," he said indicating David who was just walking into the room.

"Snow called," he explained. "I picked Henry up on the way over. How's the ankle?" he asked.

"It's fine, just a nasty sprain," she said looking down at her ankle disgustedly.

The nurse scoffed. "Nasty enough to earn you a moon boot." Regina rolled her eyes and David laughed good-naturedly. "Right, I'll get the boot and Dr Whale will want to see you before leave."

"So Snow sent you to check up on me?" Regina asked.

"Yep," David admitted unashamedly. "And I brought Henry with me so you couldn't toss me out."

"The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves, using the children against me," she exclaimed mock indignant. At Henry's startled look, she reassured him, "It's okay, Henry, David and I are just teasing each other."

David piped in, "We are better friends than anyone suspects, actually!"

"So it's like a conspiracy friendship?" Henry asked excitedly.

"Something like that," they agreed.

"Henry, why don't you pop down to the cafeteria and grab your mother some chocolate? The pain is going to get to her soon so let's try and keep her sweet," David teased, holding out some cash.

"You know, I'm not a kid anymore. You can just tell me if you want to talk without me around," Henry grumped, taking the money and leaving the exam room.

"When did he get so smart?" David asked shaking his head.

"Do you even have to ask?" Regina sassed. "Great parenting, obviously."

"Regina," David grew serious and leant forward, lowering his voice. "I don't want to bring up bad memories or cause you any more pain but I have to ask. Will what happened to Daniel when he was brought back happen to Marian? Is there any chance at all that her displacement will drive her insane? I know it has been weeks since she arrived here but I've been watching her, waiting for something to happen and I just need to know if you think it likely."

Regina looked into David's sincere blue eyes and knew he was asking for the right reasons. Still, it brought a pang to already wounded heart to remember Daniel when he was returned from the dead. "No," she started softly. "I don't think that will happen to her. Daniel was dead and brought back to life. Marian never actually died, she was just displaced through time. I don't think she will suffer the same effects that Daniel did."

"Thank you, I know it's not one of your best memories."

Regina smiled gently. "No, it's not. But I understand why you asked."

The nurse returned then with the moon boot and fitted the boot on Regina's ankle. "There," she said. "That should hold it. You'll likely only need it for a week and only when you are ambulatory. You can take it off when you aren't moving about but it will keep the ankle stable otherwise."

Regina murmured a thank you and stood, grabbing her bag and heading for the door. "Wait, Dr Whale wants to see you before you leave," the nurse called out.

"Yes, yes," Regina muttered, not entirely comfortable with Dr Whale as her doctor. When she and David made it to the corridor they saw Dr Whale talking to Robin of all people a little further down the hall.

"I'm going to freshen up," Regina said quietly to David.

"There is something I want to ask Whale quickly. I assume you aren't going to bother to see him before we leave?" David asked and Regina shook her head. "In that case, I'll get Henry and meet you in the car."

She smiled gratefully and left as quickly as she was able on her moon boot.

David walked up to Robin and Dr Whale, who asked, "Was that Regina I just saw limping out of here?" Victor asked exasperatedly.

"What, where?" Robin asked, jerking his head around.

"Yeah, she's just gone to freshen up," David said.

"Limping?" Robin asked concerned. "Is she okay?"

"Just a sprained ankle," David reassured him.

"Damn it, I wanted to check her over properly and I thought the sprained ankle might buy me some time to run some tests." Victor said, running a hand through his hair.

"What tests?" David said instantly alert. Robin too was listening intently to Whale.

"Nothing specific but after the last few months, what with all the battles with Zelena and everything else I wanted to make sure that she hadn't overdone it, no lingering concussions, that sort of thing. But the bloody woman keeps avoiding me," Whale exhaled in frustration.

Robin found himself nodding along ruefully but stopped and looked chastised at David's sudden glare in his direction. "Whale, have you seen Marian at all since she arrived in Storybrook?"

"Why?" Robin asked quickly as Victor shook his head looking confused at the random segue. "Why do you ask if Marian has seen the doctor?"

"I just wanted to make sure there were no… side effects from her experience. Regina didn't think there would be but I wanted to check with you as well." David asked obliquely.

Victor was quick to catch on and nodded in understanding. "No, she never actually died so what happened to Daniel won't happen to her. Daniel had been dead for many years when I brought him back to life so the mental ramifications were enormous, as you well remember."

"Wait. You brought Regina's Daniel back from the dead?" Robin asked incredulously.

Victor nodded sadly. "It was part of a plot to… unhinge her, shall we say. I'm sorry I ever went along with it, especially since Regina is still uncomfortable around me," he said. "But Marian is fine, she won't suffer the same consequences," he hastened to reassure them both.

Robin looked utterly bewildered, "I don't understand how this is possible. Why wouldn't she have told me Daniel had been returned to her? Will you tell me what happened, Doctor?"

"No!" Henry ran up to them brandishing a chocolate bar, having overheard the last part of the conversation. "Don't tell him anything. It's a private family matter and it doesn't concern you. You're not a part of our family, you don't get to know my mom's secrets."

"Henry," Robin began. "I just…"

"Stop! I don't care. You hurt her. You've left her alone and never once tried to see if she's okay. So keep doing it! Just leave us alone!" Henry shouted. David put a hand on his shoulder and moved him towards the exit. "Your mom is waiting in the car. I'll be there in a minute."

Henry glared at Robin one last time before storming off to find his mother.

"I just wanted…" Robin trailed off.

"I know," David said. "Believe me, I know. In the first curse I was married to another woman but couldn't stay away from Mary Margaret. It caused all sorts of pain and anguish. So I do understand how you feel, Robin. But you have avoided Regina for weeks now. Snow said you hadn't even been to see her once. So I think you have been pretty obvious about where you stand. I'm asking you to stick to that and leave Regina alone. She's been through enough, more than anyone should have to take. Henry's right, she's not your family. She's not yours," he said with an air of finality.

Robin looked grieved as if the last few weeks had finally caught up with him. The reality of the situation hit him like a sledgehammer but he nodded at David to indicate that he understood. "But she's ok, right?" he asked quietly.

"Just a sprained ankle," David said, deliberately misunderstanding him.

Dr Whale cleared his throat, "Yes, about that. I'd appreciate it if you could have a word with Regina about coming in so I can run some tests, just as a precaution. She seems to listen to you… well… more than the others, anyway."

"That's because I pick my battles, Doc! But leave it with me and I will see what I can do."

* * *

**Ok, that's it for now – next chapter should finally have some Robin/Regina interaction.**

**I said at the beginning that this story wouldn't have a happy ending and that still holds true. I am trying to figure out a way to continue it so that it does have a more desirable outcome but am struggling with it.****Still – have to finish it first! ****J****Thanks for reading!**


	5. Descent c5

**Wow! ****Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to review – I've had mixed responses to the no happy ending advice.****Anny, kurotenshi-08, jcat30 - I'm trying to come up with a way that might satisfy everyone but like the story itself it's a work in progress. ****When it's complete I will put a note at the beginning to give you an idea of how it ends so you don't have to waste your time reading it whilst I am still unsure of the outcome.**

**pt159** – love your suggestion for Robin's banishment – I plan of writing a chapter from his p.o.v. at some stage that will hopefully explain some of his (in)actions.

**ElianaS** – I don't really believe in perfect happy endings either so I try not to write them. I find characters more interesting when they are suffering!

**Fangirl666** – love that you are loving the story!

**Note: Swearing , alcohol abuse and sexual connotations in this chapter.**

* * *

The first night after Regina had sprained her ankle was a peaceful, dreamless one. Between her morning run and the stress of her hospital visit, combined with some rather lovely pain killers, she was ensured a good night's sleep.

The second night she didn't sleep a wink. Unable to exercise due to her injury she found herself wide awake and wide awake meant tormented by her thoughts. All her thoughts. And the voices. The voices were the worst.

"It's for your own good," her mother, scathing and uncaring.

"You make my daughter very happy," the king, patting her shoulder awkwardly before leaving her bedchamber.

"You'll have to do better than that, dearie," Rumple mocking.

"You're not my mother, you're just the Evil Queen," Henry shaking with anger and hurt.

"Love again," Daniel's last wish for her just left her wanting to scream that she had tried, she really had tried but it was taken from her just like he was, just like everything else.

The voices kept circling her head, getting more vicious with every round. Unable to take it she threw on a robe and hobbled downstairs, trying not to wake Henry. She headed straight to the liquor cabinet and poured herself a generous measure of whiskey. She curled up on the couch and sipped slowly. She concentrated on her breathing, just the inhale and the exhale. As soon as her mind wandered, as soon as she heard the voices in her head reminding her that she wasn't good enough, that she would never be happy, she took another sip, drinking methodically to every thought that wasn't about her breathing.

When the glass was empty she put it down in favour of the bottle. Cradling it to her, she drank from it every time the voices taunted her.

When Henry came down in the morning he found Regina passed out on the couch, head lolling back over the edge.

"Mom, are you ok?" he asked gently, shaking her shoulder.

She woke with a start. "Henry, what the?"

"You fell asleep on the couch, mom. What were you doing down here?" he asked snuggling up next to her.

Regina felt as though a ten tonne truck had blasted its way through her skull. "Uh… I couldn't sleep, my ankle was hurting so I came down here to read a bit. I must've fallen asleep." Noticing the empty bottle at her feet she very gently nudged it under the couch. "Honey, be a dear and run upstairs to get my painkillers, my ankle is throbbing again."

"Okay." As soon as Henry moved up stairs, Regina grabbed the whiskey bottle and headed into the kitchen, tossing it in the bin and covering it up with a plastic bag. She started on breakfast, limping heavily on her sprained leg.

"Mom!" Henry chastised her. "Let me do that, you go sit down and put your boot on."

"Henry, I have no need for that ridiculous thing," she argued swallowing two pills and reaching for the coffee.

"If you need painkillers, then you need your moon boot. Put it on," he said resolutely.

"Okay, okay, geez where did you learn to be so bossy?" she mocked.

"Have you met my mom? Short, dark, snarky?" he sassed back at her.

She laughed, watching her beautiful boy move around the kitchen making them breakfast. He really did make things better and she felt in her bones how lucky she was to have him. But on the other hand…

"Have you got everything ready for your week with Emma?" she asked.

"Well, I was thinking, since you are injured and all, that maybe I would stay with you a little longer."

"Henry, that is very sweet but I'm fine, it is just a sprain. And besides which, Emma and I are finally in an okay place regarding custody of you so let's not rock that boat. It's not like you won't see me around town anyway."

"Okay, if you are sure," Henry said stuffing toast into his mouth.

"I am," she said nodding, thankful that Henry wouldn't be around for the next week to see how getting blind drunk was the only way she was able to sleep at night.

* * *

Her method of a sip for every horrible thought or memory worked for the first two days. On the third evening the voices were too loud to drown out in the quiet of her living room. So she toddled herself off, moon boot and all, to the Rabbit Hole.

The noise from the jukebox and the stench of dried beer and cigarettes overwhelmed her as she walked in and she smiled in delight at this haven of lost and ruined souls. She tried to ignore the realisation that she was now a part of the time honoured cliché and hobbled her way over to the bar. She ordered a shot of vodka, asked the barman to leave the bottle and then settled in, absorbing the atmosphere of the dingy bar as though it was the purest temple of peace.

'Yes,' she thought contentedly. 'This might just actually work.' When the memories of her evil self rose to the forefront of her mind, she knocked them back with the shots of vodka and the scratchy sounds of songs from the jukebox. 'Tonight,' she thought exultantly, 'I win.'

It took a little longer the next night, a few more tracks on the jukebox and a couple more shots to get her mind to quieten. She had managed to get herself back home the previous night with the help of her magic, but tonight she was drunker, crazier and on her first attempt she ended up in the forest. She quickly tried again, aiming directly for her bed, but instead she ended up under the silver maple tree where she had scattered Daniel's ashes. Growling in frustration, she tried again, concentrating hard against the alcohol and finally got herself to her front door.

The following night the bartender called David to come and collect her. She groans and rolls her eyes theatrically at the sight of him, knowing that not only will she be getting a lecture from Snow tomorrow morning but that it will be all over town that the Evil Queen lost control and got plastered. "So sad," she muttered into David's neck as he carried her out to his car.

The next morning she was surprised to find herself in her own home, on her own couch and with no morality brigade standing over her, withholding blessed pain relief. Instead she found a note on the counter of the kitchen with a glass of water and two aspirin.

The note said, "You have two more days and then I'm intervening. Snow."

Regina smiled because in two days she could ditch the moon boot and start running again. She wouldn't need to drink to sleep after that. She felt her heart blossom and she thought that she had never loved Snow more than she did in this moment. Finally, someone understood enough not to push or judge or force but to accept.

And so with Snow's implicit blessing she ended up back at the Rabbit Hole that night. As she took what was fast becoming her usual seat at the bar, the bartender nodded and told her that he was calling David under Snow's instructions when she had had enough. Regina smiled and nodded. It was nice that the Charmings' cared about her and wanted to make sure she got home safely but also that they respected her enough to let her write herself off if she so chose.

Unfortunately, not everyone seemed to have developed such respect for the formerly evil queen turned heartbroken mayor. She was just getting into her stride of evil thought, shot of vodka, horrific memory of evil doings, another shot, count one, drink two, count one, drink two when Robin strode into the bar.

He sat down next her and exhaled angrily. She took another a shot, ignoring his presence. "Do you want to explain what you are doing here?" he asked furiously.

She silently drank another shot.

"I had to overhear Leroy gossiping that you were carried out of here at stupid o'clock by David last night, three sheets to the wind and high as a kite," he muttered at her slapping his gloves down on the bar.

"Ooh you overheard gossip, how heart-breaking," she muttered childishly. She poured herself another shot, breathing in slowly, exhaling even slower.

"Regina, damn it, look at me. Tell me what's going on with you," he demanded.

She drank the vodka, poured herself another and finally looked up at him. For the first time in weeks she allowed herself to really look at him, drinking in the concerned and angry blue eyes, the tight jawline, the furrowed brow. He was so beautiful, so very dear to her that after weeks of denying herself it actually hurt to look at him. She turned back to the bar and blinked once, twice.

Shrugging, she downed the shot in front of her. His hand shot out and grabbed the bottle before she could pour herself another.

"I know we have been… estranged but damn it, Regina, don't shut me out. You owe me more than that," he accused. He closed his eyes at his poor choice of words awaiting the inevitable onslaught.

"I owe you?" she was flabbergasted. "I owe you?" her voice rose to an undignified high pitched squeal. "You've had months to talk to me! Months! I owe you nothing! You come in here all angry and demanding and expect me to roll over and play it your way? Not a chance!" Regina picked up his gloves and started lashing him with them.

Robin grabbed the gloves out of her hands but before he could speak, she continued with everything she had held back over the last few weeks, "Why now? Why now when I am three sheets to the wind, stinking drunk? Do you want to express indignation for my holding your wife prisoner in my dungeon? And likely killing her? Because I think it loses it punch having waited this long to chastise me." Regina's voice rose steadily as she carried on her rant. "Or perhaps you want to tell me that what we had was very special and that you are grateful for the moments we shared? Because I won't lie, that would've been nice to hear," she paused for effect. "Back in the early days of your wife's return words to that effect might have been a balm to my… disappointment. But months later they would seem to lack sincerity."

She swiped the bottle back, poured a shot, knocked it back and poured a fresh one. "Or is it simply because you have heard a single, scandalous rumour from the town gossip that the once great and evil queen was getting her drink on with the less than respectable elements of the town? Scared I might lose control?" she taunted. "Scared I might return to my wicked, no wait… wrong sister, return to my evil ways?"

She laughed cruelly. "Or are you just pissed off because you think I might get drunk enough to start fucking one of the patrons of this fine watering hole?" she said, drawing each word out for maximum effect. "Your merry men come in here quite often for a drink I've noticed. I do so miss the scent of untamed forest," she drawled tauntingly. Robin's eyes hardened and she could see the anger in his expression at her insinuation. She suddenly smiled, happy that she had gotten a reaction from him finally, after all these weeks of being ignored and she wondered how far she could push him.

"Don't you dare! Don't you fucking dare!" he growled at her.

"Oooh! Is that an order, master?" she asked sarcastically. "I don't recall you having any say whatsoever as to what I do... or who I do," she drawled seductively. "I'm sure you have been enjoying the pleasures of your own recently warmed marital bed. Who are you to deny me the same satisfaction?" she asked crudely. Her enjoyment of this conversation and Robin's undivided attention waned with the reminder of his wife. Images of he and Marian in bed together assailed her and she choked back a sob at the thought of Robin's lips kissing Marian's flesh, as they had once done to hers. Suddenly, she didn't want to see how far she could push him, she just wanted him gone so she could continue getting hammered. With a flick of her wrist, Robin disappeared in the white light of her magic, transporting him back to the forest. 'It should take him a while to walk back to his precious family home,' she thought smugly, tossing back another shot, her eyes flashing blue. 'Holier than thou son of a bitch!'

She didn't particularly want to see him again that night so decided that she would take herself off, just in case he stubbornly came back. Snaking the bottle she had been drinking from, she magicked herself out the Rabbit Hole.

"Damn," the bartender cursed, having witnessed the entire exchange. He sighed heavily and picked up the phone to call David.

When David answered, he quickly relayed the recent events. He could hear Snow asking, "Is Regina ready to come home already?" and David cursing under his breath. His good deed done for the day he hung up before he got any more involved.

David turned to Snow, "Apparently Robin showed up with his knickers in a twist. He and Regina got into it and she magicked him out of the bar to god knows where. Then she swiped the bottle of vodka and disappeared too. From the sounds of it, she wasn't going home." He began cursing under his breath again. "Snow, I'm going to have to…"

"Go. Find Robin first. He can help you look for Regina." Snow nodded at him.

Grabbing his coat and his keys, he left their warm apartment, all the while muttering to himself and cursing under his breath.

* * *

**S****o Regina finally lets loose at Robin – I spent a fair amount of time writing and rewriting this one as I wanted to get the tone of it just right – I hope you enjoyed it.**


	6. Descent c6

**A slightly short but highly angsty surprise mid week update **** – ****this is a little short, but I hope you will enjoy **** – ****the next chapter is about half written and will be posted on the weekend.**

**Once again, a big massive THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed **** – ****you inspired me to get a burn on and update twice this week. ****To Pinkcatsinspace (awesome handle btw) – you could say a drunkard's demeanour comes naturally to me -****I've had a fair whack of practice! ;-) ****OutlawqueenFTW – Fester is an amazing story, though lamentably not updated nearly often enough – when a new update is posted I set aside proper time to luxuriate in it.**

**And just a reminder: ****ANGST ahead (as if I haven't tormented Regina enough already).**

* * *

"Whoops," Regina stumbled. She had come back to Daniel's 'grave' such as it was now. She scattered what she could find of his ashes under a glorious silver maple tree that she thought he would've liked. She didn't come here often though she could usually see the top of the tree from her vault. It was comforting to know that he was close by, at least metaphysically.

She dropped to her knees in front of the tree. It was chilly. She could feel the cold even through the vodka induced warmth of her consumption so she concentrated hard and created a pile of bean bags and blankets for herself. She squirmed around until she had created a proper little nest and snuggled down into it with her vodka bottle.

"Daniel?" she called. "Can you hear me?"

The night was silent though the wind rustled the leaves on the trees. She took that as 'yes'.

"I've missed you, my Daniel. You've been gone such a long time. Sometimes, I think that maybe I made you up, that you were never real and I created you to have something good in my life. You were real, though, weren't you?" she asked sadly. "And you were the only good thing in my life. I often wonder if mother hadn't murdered you whether you would still be good. Would I? Or would my darkness have tainted you too?" her voice broke.

She took a long drink from the bottle. Being here made her melancholy. But thinking of Daniel always made her sad and there was a comfortable familiarity in the emotion. She'd been sad about him for so long that it felt like an old shirt, softened by a thousand washes. It wasn't jarring or painful, it was just sad.

She sat there quietly reminiscing with Daniel as if he were sitting beside her. Somewhere in the middle of her ramble down memory lane, Robin came upon her, quietly and hidden, unwilling to risk startling her into teleporting him away again. David had found him relatively quickly thanks to the modern convenience of mobile phones (Robin had embraced the new technology wholeheartedly) and they had agreed to split up to look for Regina. He sent David a text to let him know where they were. He assumed that Regina would be more likely to accept help from David than from him. He watched her, his heart breaking at her vulnerability but unwilling to show himself to her and have her draw her walls up again.

"You know, Daniel, the sad awful truth is that if you had come to back to me, whole and healthy like Marian did, I would have been so happy for you, so happy to see you. Because it would mean that mother didn't kill you and that you would get a chance to live your life. You could do all the things you wanted to do and live to a grand old age and die happy and old and blessed in your bed. I would want you to live because I love you. But it would be with the love of a teenager who didn't know what suffering life could bring. I would love you with the innocence of having never lost you or everyone else that mattered to me. The sad, horrible truth of it is I have lost so much and I have destroyed so much to ever love you like that again, or to be loved by you like that. We missed our time, my love, and now I can never go back to loving like that."

Robin heard her words like arrows to his ears, stinging with truth and tragic understanding.

"You told me to love again. Huh." She took a drink and wiped her mouth. "I think that is the cruellest thing I hear over and over in my mind. I know you meant it honestly and with love but my darling Daniel, it has become the worst taunt of them. Because you don't know what I've done. You don't know how far I've fallen."

The leaves in the trees rustled as if to contradict her. She ignored the sound. "Worst of all is that I listened to you, I tried like you asked and I did love again. I let myself open up to someone and for a moment it was pure magic. Pure magic, Daniel, I felt like I could fly. But I forgot myself. The child you loved doesn't exist anymore. She's long gone. And even you couldn't love who I've become. The Evil Queen. The Villain of the Story. Hell, even Regina is but a poor shadow of the girl you loved."

Her voice began to droop with drunken weariness but she still sipped from the near empty bottle and snuggled further down into her nest. "I'll always love you, Daniel and I'll always be grateful that you loved the best version there ever was of me… But I'm glad you aren't around anymore… I wouldn't want you to see me like this… I don't think I could handle it if you stopped loving me too."

Robin felt a hand on his shoulder and startled, wiping the tears from the corner of his eyes. David patted him on the shoulder but motioned for him to leave. Robin's eyes flicked to Regina but Charming pulled him around, raising his eyebrow and silently reminded him of their earlier conversation. Robin nodded slowly and stepped back, fading into the darkness as he watched David approach Regina.

She was almost asleep now, though David marvelled at the nest she had made. It seemed a shame to leave it, but he could only carry so much and once again it looked it like it was going to be Regina.

"What a good son in law you are," she joked softly as he bent and picked her up.

He rolled his eyes and hefted her higher into his arms. "You're staying with us tonight. You've worried my wife enough for one night and I am under strict instructions to bring you home with me."

"Noisy new born baby, pass," she muttered.

"Sorry, you don't get a say in it. You'll suffer your hangover with a noisy baby and take your punishment like a man."

"But I'm a WO-man," she giggled.

"You're plastered," David grinned down at her. "I had forgotten how much fun drunk Regina could be," he said.

"Not much fun left in me these days," she said quietly.

David nodded, "Maybe not right now, but one day again, soon, there will be."

"If you say so," she sounded remarkably unconvinced and more worryingly, unconcerned.

When she woke the next morning, Snow was sitting beside her holding her hand. She allowed Regina a few minutes to fully awaken. When she deemed Regina was compos mentis enough to understand her she said softly but firmly, "Enough."

Regina nodded slowly and agreed, "Okay. Enough," and then winced at the brightness of Snow's smile.

* * *

**So we end on a lighter note - til next time, where a jealous Robin makes a brief (or half hearted) appearance. Thanks for reading!**


	7. Descent c7

**I am desperately trying to get this finished before the next season starts but am not sure how successful I am going to be. ****Bear with me, I promise I will finish. **

**Slightly jealous Robin, highly cheeky Jefferson and friendly Little John feature in this chapter, which is more light-hearted after the angst fest of the last update. ****Hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

A few days later an impromptu town council was called at Granny's to debate the origins of the strange weather and almost everyone from the town was in attendance. Emma had done as she said and had begun investing the strange occurrences of snow and ice.

"So basically, we don't know what is causing the unusual weather," Emma stated after outlining her findings. "There doesn't seem to be any pattern as to where or why the ice and snow occurs. Random parts of the town seem to be afflicted at different times. Regina has tried using magic to melt some of the more stubborn patches but…" Emma trailed off glancing nervously at Regina. "She seems to be experiencing some technical difficulties at the moment."

Regina rolled her eyes.

"Your magic is defective, dearie?" Rumple asked with curious glee.

Regina sighed, "It's not defective as such. I'm just unable to conjure fire or fireballs at the moment."

Rumple laughed. "Peace, love and mung beans, baby" he giggled incoherently. Regina rolled her eyes again but didn't contradict him.

"Regina, what's wrong with your magic?" David asked.

"It's gone from dark to light and taken with it all her fight," Rumple sing-songed.

"Wait, I thought light magic was a good thing." David looked confused.

"It is," Regina said. "My light magic is stronger than my dark magic ever was. I just can't seem to use it in the same way. My fireballs were created through anger and rage. I don't seem to be able to conjure that level of passion at the moment. Or whatever the light magic equivalent is," she confessed. "It seems my magic is now more defensive than offensive," she looked around the diner as if daring anyone to comment on the poetic justice of this development. Leroy looked as if he was about to comment but was curtailed by an elbow from Granny.

When no one spoke she continued, "Rumple, you had best start giving Miss Swan lessons in general magic use. It's better to be safe than sorry and it can't hurt to have another practitioner in magic around. I'd feel better if she actually _learnt_ the rules of magic instead of making it up as she went along and hoping for the best." She couldn't help the dig at Emma's continuing and wilful ignorance of her actions. Rumple nodded in agreement though Emma looked vaguely sick.

"In the meantime, dearie, I suggest you start getting comfortable with your new 'light' self and work on conjuring some proper fire power. I have a very strong feeling that we are going to need it," Rumple stated. "We all know love fuels light magic but if you aren't feeling it then you are going to have to come up with something else on the positive side of the spectrum to get through this."

Regina looked at Rumple with a penetrating stare, "Strong feeling, premonition or is there just something you aren't sharing with the rest of us?" Rumple ignored her question, "Just get to it, dearie, practitioners of light and dark magic are the strongest, as you well know."

Silence fell over the diner as the citizens of Storybrook mulled over the new information and their options. "Ok so Rumpelstiltskin will start training Emma, Regina will work on getting her magic back under control and the rest of us will keep our eyes and ears open for anything suspicious around town," Snow concluded, effectively drawing an end to the meeting. Most of the attendees began drifting out, leaving the extended Charming family, Hook, Robin and Jefferson.

"Did I forget we had a meeting about our special project?" Regina asked Jefferson wondering why he was still hanging around.

"No, no, I still have a few more things to iron out on that," he said ignoring the curious looks he and Regina were getting from Snow and Robin. "I'm just taking a moment to appreciate my dear old wild cat friend who seems to have lost her claws," he smirked.

"Jefferson!" Emma scolded. "No taunting Regina about her magic. We need her at full strength."

Regina raised an eyebrow at Emma coming to her defence but said nothing. Emma's fear of training with Rumpelstiltskin was obvious. "Believe me, o glorious saviour," Jefferson said mockingly. "I am well aware of Regina's worth, far more than you are." He noted Robin's heated stare and continued, glancing at Regina. "Well maybe we should start sleeping together again, Regina dear, as you always said that I drove you mad. Or was it wild?" Jefferson asked smugly. "That should bring your mojo back."

Regina rolled her eyes, "That was a long time ago, my dear Hatter."

"You two? Seriously? Did everyone in the Enchanted Forest hook up?" Emma stuttered looking shocked. Robin looked murderous whilst Snow looked at the Hatter with new eyes.

"What?" Jefferson asked looking around at the shocked patrons. "She always said she would do one better than Cora and take my balls as well as my head if I ever told anyone of our past… liaisons. Clearly, the woman has lost her fiery edge as I am still standing here. Whole, as it were," he said fingering the scar at his neck.

"Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't seem to summon a fireball to light a damn cigarette much less melt a pile of magical snow or take your head off, Jefferson. My damn magic has changed, can we quit harping on about it? If one of you wants to resurrect my half-sister, say or my mother or hell even my husband I am sure I could work myself up into a proper rage but as it is, and lacking the return of my infuriating dead relatives, I suggest you look to your Saviour for magical assistance. Perhaps she can finally do as advertised and you know, save?" Regina said derisively.

Jefferson looked at Emma, "You do seem to irritate our magnificent Queen. Perhaps _you_ should work on getting her angry enough to fight ice with fire?" Emma looked at him scornfully.

"Now, now, don't be like that. When Regina is totally overcome by her passion, whether through rage or a more… amorous emotion, she is at her most beautiful, as I am sure our woodland friend here is well aware," he said, casting a glance over at Robin, who looked as if he would like nothing more than to lay Jefferson out flat with one punch. "And right now it seems that we need that passion to return rather quickly and focus itself on saving us from this god-awful winter."

"I'm standing right here, Jefferson," Regina said exasperatedly. "I get that you are trying to anger me but it's not going to work. These people have seen me destroy entire villages. Do you really think that I could be embarrassed enough at my past indiscretions with you coming to light that I would lose it?"

"Worth a shot," he shrugged.

"Well, if there is nothing else…" Regina trailed off standing as if to leave. She had rolled her eyes more than enough for one day.

"You still owe me that dinner, darling," Jefferson said cockily. She glanced at him witheringly and with a flick of her wrist disappeared in a flash of white light. "Well, Miss Swan, it seems that only you are currently capable of getting under our lovely Mayor's skin," he glanced at Robin, daring him to contradict him publically. "I vote you try and get her really angry," Jefferson smirked.

"No way," Emma shook her head vigorously. "How stupid do I look? I'm only going to irritate her, not 'inflame her passion'," she said sarcastically. "I'm just grateful she hasn't killed me yet. I tried to take our son away from her and succeeded in bringing back her soul mates' dead wife." She shot an apologetic look at Robin. "If she didn't toss a fireball in my direction for that, I don't think she will now, no matter what I do. Besides light magic is love and happiness and all good things. You two obviously have a not-so-horrible past, why don't you give it a proper shot?"

"Darling, who says I haven't? Regina might be a hell of a lot more open these days but she is still as prickly as they come and I am in it for the long game," he said glancing slyly over at Robin. "I wouldn't want to blow what could very well be _my_ happily ever after by pushing too hard too soon."

Robin growled and moved towards Jefferson. David put out a hand to stop him while Snow smiled at Jefferson, "It's good to know that Regina has more people than ever looking out for her, who really care for her." Her words stopped Robin in his tracks and he slumped down again into the booth, closing his eyes tiredly.

* * *

Regina knew her family were concerned about her inability to properly control her new light magic. It caused her some consternation as well though she was confident that it would work defensively and instinctively as she needed it and she tried to put it out of her mind. Emma could learn to control her magic with Rumple and then there would be at least one light magic user who could actively attack whatever the next big threat was. As long as Regina could use her magic to protect her loved ones, she was content.

It rankled her though, back in the recess of her mind, beyond her apparent apathy, that she didn't have full control over her magic. Magic had been a constant in her life and it niggled at her that she might not be simpatico with something that was so deeply ingrained in her make up. The thought that she and her magic were not as one tingled at the back of her mind and finally her conscience caught up with her. She spent fifteen minutes during her morning run through the forest trying to blast one of the trees into oblivion. She couldn't raise so much as a spark. She ran through a mental list of all her usual triggers but nothing was getting through.

Sighing, she realised that she would have to concentrate hard on the things she loved most. Thinking of Henry and Roland and baby Neal created the tiniest spark of electricity at her fingertips but almost completely exhausted her in the process. Still, it was something and she decided that she would try again the following morning.

And so it was that morning after morning she stopped mid run to try and conjure more than a tiny spark. Thinking of the children was as far as she could get. Every time she thought of Robin, sifting through her precious memories of their time together, her heart would ache so badly that she would collapse under the weight of it, unable to do anything except gasp for breath.

Her love for Robin was her strongest asset and yet it was crippling her. Sighing, she reached into her chest she pulled her heart out in a swift, practiced motion. She hadn't wanted it to come to this. Given how far she had come and grown removing her heart seemed like a failure, like a step backwards towards becoming another Cora. She looked down at it in shock and horror.

The living, shining organ in her hand couldn't be her heart. Whilst the bottom of the organ was still streaked with black the upper part of her heart glowed with a vibrancy she hadn't seen in her own heart for the longest time. What was both astonishing and concerning to her was the massive split down the middle of it. Her heart was literally breaking. The split almost completely severed the organ down the middle and out of the cut the blinding white light of true love shone out of it. Regina fell to her knees, gaping at the sight of it.

Her heart was weeping with love and light magic. Silent tears streamed down her face and she slumped against the forest floor, completely unable to process this latest development. Her heart lay in the palm of her hand beating gently in a quiet rhythm. What the hell was happening to her? Her mind raced incoherently as she started dumbly at the heart.

"Your majesty? Regina?" a voice asked softly.

Regina didn't move and gave no indication that she had heard her name being called. Thomas moved slowly out of the bushes where he had been waiting. It had been his turn to shadow Regina on her run and he had held back when he saw her trying to practice her magic. He came out of the forest now though at seeing her not get up again from her collapse.

"Your majesty?" he said softly, coming closer to her slowly. "It's me, Thomas. I've been shadowing you on your run today." He kept his voice low and calming as he slowly knelt down in front of her. "Are you ok?"

He looked over her carefully but didn't want to presume to touch her to make sure she had no injuries. When he saw what was in her hand he recoiled and fell backwards.

That got a reaction from her. "So I'm not imagining it," she muttered.

"Your majesty…" he asked in horror, "is that your heart?"

Regina sat up and nodded. "Thomas, please speak of this to no one."

He nodded emphatically. "What… what are you going to do…?" he gestured at the organ.

She shook her head frustrated," I have no idea, I have never heard of anything like this before."

"Is this because of Robin?" Thomas asked cautiously still staring at her heart with fascinated horror. "Did he do this to you?"

"This is not his fault, you understand me?" she stated, eyes suddenly blazing. "It is not his fault that he loves another." Her heart suddenly shone brighter as she spoke, blinding them with its intensity. Her jaw dropped again and she looked at Thomas with bewilderment. "Maybe we shouldn't discuss Robin?"

Again, Thomas nodded emphatically and wisely kept his mouth shut.

"You can't tell anyone about this, Thomas."

He nodded again in agreement. "Are you going to put that back in?" he asked tactlessly. He groaned as the words left his mouth.

She smiled slightly and shrugged. "Thomas, will you run and get Little John for me?" she asked.

"Yes, of course, you majesty," he said rising immediately.

"Thomas, please call me Regina. Your majesty seems too… distant. Especially after…" she waved her free hand back and forth between them, a gesture to acknowledge the moment they had unwittingly shared.

"Ok, Regina, wait right here, I'll get Little John."

"Please. Be discreet," she implored.

As she waited for Little John, she stared at her heart in wonder. She was amazed at how much the black of her former hatred had receded and she marvelled that it was still in one piece despite the massive break in it. Her resilient heart was holding on, even if only by a thread. But even so, she couldn't risk putting her heart back into her body. She felt things more deeply with her heart inside of her and she didn't imagine from the look of it that it would take much more to break fully. No, until she figured out a way to heal her heart, it was better off outside of her body.

She placed it down carefully next to her. Taking a deep breath, she drew on her love for Robin and tried to conjure a fireball. Vivid, white light danced across the palm of her hand. The magic she conjured was less like a fireball and more like a bolt of lightning but she could work with that. She tossed the lightning at an unsuspecting bush and smiled when it was destroyed. Without her heart in her body her magic was back in strength.

She tossed a few more lightning bolts for good measure. Each one was strong and hit its target with deadly accuracy. Reassured that something good had come from taking her heart out she settled down to wait for John.

He came not long after calling her name out softly.

"Over here," she called standing and brushing herself off. Retrieving her heart, she held it slightly out of sight.

"Thomas said you needed to see me," John was slightly out of breath but he moved steadily towards her.

"How much did he tell you?" she asked.

"Nothing, the lad was as closed mouthed as I have ever seen him. What going on?"

Regina lifted her hand towards and showed him her heart. He looked confused and then he too looked flabbergasted. "Is that…?" he gestured wildly.

"My heart? Yes. I have been having some trouble controlling my new magic and I thought it might help to take my heart out. I had no idea it looked like this."

"Regina, it's…"

"Please don't state the obvious. Clearly, it's broken. More importantly, I can't put it back. Not like it is now. I have to find a way to fix it."

John swallowed. "Surely it has more chance of… healing… if it were inside of you?" he questioned.

"It's hanging on by a thread, John. If something happens, if something _hurts_ when it is inside me then I can't be sure that it won't crack into two. And whilst I have no idea what would happen to me if it does break completely whilst inside of me I doubt that it would be anything good. No," she said resolutely. "Until I can figure a way to get it… stronger I need to keep it safe and for the time being that means well away from me."

"Ok. What do you need me to do?"

"I need you to keep it for me. Keep it safe." She held out her heart for him to take.

John was shocked. "You want me to safeguard your heart?" he asked stunned.

"Of course, who else? You did say that if there was ever anything you could do…" she trailed off suddenly looking uncertain. "I'm sorry, of course you don't want this responsibility." She lowered her hand and looked down at the ground. "I wasn't thinking…"

"No, no," John was quick to reassure her. "I'm honoured that you would entrust this to me."

She looked up at him through her lashes and said softly, "You're his best friend. You mustn't ever tell him. He can't ever know. Can you do that? I want to trust you with this but I don't want you to feel conflicted. If you do this, you do this for me and I never want him to know."

John considered her words and after a pause held out his hand. "You're my friend too, Regina. I'll keep your secret and I'll protect your heart. No one will learn the truth from me. I give you my word."

She handed over her heart gently. "Thank you, John. This means more to me than I can express."

He nodded. "You just work on a way of fixing it," he said gesturing to the weeping heart. "It's not right, you shouldn't have to carry this alone."

She shrugged. "Let's just hope it can be fixed. I've never seen a heart look like this and I have seen a _lot_ of hearts."

* * *

**All mistakes are my own - this story is unbetaed. Til next time!**


	8. Descent c8

**I'm glad you all like Regina's supportive friends and family – after what I am putting her through she sure needs them! I think my favourite friendship is David and Regina, though Little John comes a very close second. **

**My apologies to those who I have saddened over the last few chapters, rest assured with this chapter we have reached rock bottom. **

**I am, once again and as always, amazed at some of the truly thoughtful and touching reviews people have left. I generally only write fanfic when I absolutely, positively, ain't going to sleep unless I do, have to (S3 finale is a case in point – I mean, what the fuck?) but it amazes me that people actually read what I am writing. I doff my hat to all those who review – in my opinion you make the writers more humble and appreciative of their audiences and therefore better writers.**

* * *

Regina spent the next few days simultaneously burning back the snow and ice with her now functioning magic and researching everything she could on broken hearts. Not surprisingly there wasn't a lot of helpful literature on the condition with most of what she had read comprising sentimental dribble. Throwing yet another book across the room she groaned in defeat. If anyone had ever suffered this condition before then it was very likely fatal and therefore unrecorded. The only person she could think to confide in was Rumpelstiltskin and she wasn't quite prepared to share this secret with her former mentor yet.

Belle was another option as her research skills were far more developed and patient than Regina's but the idea of asking Rumple's wife for help was just as unappealing as speaking to Rumple. No, she thought, sighing heavily, she was going to have to go it alone for the moment. Besides, her instincts were telling her what had happened was a result of the uniqueness of her situation. It was hardly an everyday occurrence that a powerful sorceress got her heart broken figuratively by her soul mate. It wasn't such a stretch that, given her magical ability, a figurative heartbreak had become a literal one. And if Robin's lack of love had broken her heart then she assumed that his love was probably the only thing that could fix it.

Which led her to her next question – how long could she live without her heart in chest before she became like Cora? She didn't believe in miracles any more (Marian's return aside) and so she thought it highly improbable that Robin would miraculously wake up one morning, realise that he loved her more than anything and come running back to her begging for her forgiveness. She didn't believe in fairy tales anymore.

Whilst she was afraid that she would lose her humanity without her heart she couldn't deny that she had started feeling better over the last few days without it. The pain she had felt from being rent from the intimacy that she had shared with Robin had dulled and she no longer felt the manic need to distract herself from the feeling of his absence.

She was beginning to show real interest in the world again instead of feigned politeness. She dressed with more care and only felt the need to jog herself to exhaustion every other morning. Her smiles became a little more genuine and a little more frequent. She was beginning to feel like herself again and the temptation to ignore her missing heart was great. But if she wanted to be a hero and continue down the path of redemption then she was going to need to put it back in at some stage. This meant that if she couldn't rely on Robin to save her then she was going to have to save herself. She just didn't have the first clue as to how to go about it.

She noticed that more of the townspeople were warming to her again. Now that she seemed to be getting over Robin she became less pitiable and easier to approach without fear of an overly emotional reaction. As she made more time for people, other people made more time for her. Snow was a big advocate of the seemingly recovered Regina and though she was curious about how Regina had managed to get a handle on her magic she was far too pleased to see Regina acting like her old self to question it too deeply. Regina was sure that Emma suspected something but her guilt and gratitude that Regina's fire power was back made her hold her tongue.

As she moved around the town melting the ice she interacted with people more confidently. She could admit to herself now that she had tried to hide herself away after Marian returned, fearing a confrontation with the woman she had once killed. She also had never wanted to witness seeing the Locksley's as the perfect family unit that she herself had been so close to having. Without her heart, however, she was less fearful and thought she might just survive if she saw them around the town. It began with small gestures. A smile and hello for Archie when he walked Pongo past her blasting down an ice tree, a quick chat and wander around the library with Belle on a rainy afternoon, dinner at the Charming's once a week that soon became every other day. Not long after she found herself hosting the Charming clan at her place as well.

She met with John in secret once a week to inspect her heart and to see if time outside of her body had improved its condition as much as it had her. She was disappointed to see that her new-found calm was not reflected in her heart. She and John agreed that it seemed to be weeping less though it was still split in two and holding on by the barest amount. Having no definitive knowledge on magically broken hearts, they took this a good sign and resigned themselves to a long and slow recovery.

John mentioned that Robin suspected that something was up with her, that he couldn't explain it properly but he felt that something was off.

Regina scoffed, "How on earth would he know? We almost never see each other." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless you have given him some cause for concern?"

"No, no, I have been your most earnest secret keeper," he was quick to rebuff.

"Sorry, John, I just… I haven't always been able to trust…." She said contritely.

"It's ok," he waved her suspicions off. "But I wouldn't assume that just because you don't see him that he doesn't see you," he said enigmatically. When questioned further he refused to elucidate, claiming that he kept many secrets and this one wasn't hers.

"If he has been spying on me you know I could have him charged with stalking!" she claimed hotly, infuriated at the idea that Robin had been watching her unseen from the shadows.

"Ah but you'd have to prove it first and Rob was always a clever thief," he said, bowing slightly before taking his leave.

"I suppose I should thank you for the heads up," Regina called after him.

He laughed heartily.

* * *

After some consideration, Regina decided to ignore what she couldn't prove. If Robin was watching her then so be it, she wasn't going to let it distract her from trying to save her own heart. The last thing she wanted with him was a confrontation. She and Jefferson had made real progress on creating a long term, sustainable portal to the Enchanted Forest and she hoped with that option available to them, the Locksley's would depart and she would be free to try and heal without their constant presence around town.

She had assiduously avoided Marian wherever possible. It became harder to avoid crossing paths with Robin's wife now that she was no longer hiding herself away but she still generally managed not to have to see the woman who looked at her with such unrelenting condemnation. Regina had almost forgotten how it felt to see that level of hatred in the eyes of another now that she was on generally pleasant if not friendly terms with most of the town.

Marian's silent hatred and anger reminded her of the person she used to be and whilst in some ways it was a nice reminder of how far she had come, it also felt like she could slip back into the Evil Queen at any moment if she wasn't vigilant. Avoiding Marian's accusing stares had slowly become second nature to her.

She had arranged to meet Snow for lunch and as she headed over to meet her she saw that she was chatting with Marian outside of the library. She quickly ducked around the corner to wait until Marian had left. She tapped her foot impatiently wondering what on earth Marian and Snow White could be talking about. The slight internal shame her old self felt at hiding from her rival incited her into casting an eavesdropping spell so that if Marian wasn't going to go away of her own accord she could at least interrupt them at an opportune moment.

"Thank you for your suggestion, Snow. This realm is so very different to the Enchanted Forest. It is hard to imagine that so much collective wisdom could be located in one place."

Snow chuckled slightly. "We'll hold off introducing you to the internet for the time being, then."

There was a pause which Regina amused herself by concocting various looks of ignorance and confusion on Marian's face as she tried to figure out what the internet was. Snow obviously took pity on her and continued, "If there is something in particular you are looking for, the librarian Belle will be able to direct you to the right section of the library."

"I want to… that is I understand that…" Marian stuttered. Again, there was a moment of silence and then Marian whispered, "I understand this world has many medical advances and I want to learn all about them. You see… I'm going to provide Roland with a little brother or sister."

Regina staggered back against the wall in shock, the spell fading from her hands. She didn't hear Snow asking if Marian was already pregnant and hearing her respond that she wasn't, just that she wanted to be. She didn't hear anything except the pounding of her heart, beating loudly and fiercely in ears. She ran a hand up to her chest reassured that her heart wasn't there but she could hear it pounding forcefully in her head, deafening her to everything else. In Regina's mind Marian's pregnancy was a done deal.

Her thoughts raced and blurred incoherently. Of course they would lie together, she had thrown the accusation at Robin herself and he hadn't denied it. Marian had been in Storybrook for months now, of course they would have consummated their reunion. 'Over and over again,' her wicked mind taunted her. 'Another child!' the tortured part of her wailed in pain. Images of the life she had briefly dreamed that she would share with Robin flashed before her. Sunday breakfasts with their boys, long hot passionate nights, a small, intimate wedding in the back yard and if they were truly blessed, perhaps child of their own. As the images of the future Regina had once thought possible raced through her mind they disappeared forever in clouds of pale blue smoke. If Regina had once stolen Marian's future then with a few words whispered words Marian had unknowing retaliated and stolen hers.

'Silly, silly Regina,' she cursed herself as she slid down the wall sobbing frantically, unable to catch her breath. Her heart still pounded in her ears and she gasped in time to the beat. Her eyes flashed blue intermittently as she watched her beautiful, magical future disappear. She began to panic, gulping in deep lungful's of air in between sobs. The images in her mind slowly turned to her past and she cried out in pain as all her horrific memories washed over her in one massive wave. Greg Mendel was sending bolts of electricity through her body as Henry shouted, "You're just the Evil Queen" at her. Memories of her mother punishing her with her magic whilst the King's hands reached out under the bed covers to touch her assailed her leaving her whimpering and begging, "No". Rumple was standing over her, pulling and twisting her into something she didn't want to become, taunting her that sister was better and stronger than she was. She watched Zelena kill her herself again and her mother crush Daniel's heart. Finally, she watched as Robin, her soul mate scowled down at her. She felt like every nerve ending was exposed and raw as she watched Robin turn his back and walk away towards a future with Marian, Roland and their unborn baby.

Then blissfully Regina collapsed on the sidewalk under the weight of her pain, no longer gasping or sobbing but silent and motionless. All her memories were gone, dashed away along with her future in a cloud of pale blue smoke. A woman with no future and no past lay on the sidewalk, still as the grave, her blue eyes staring unseeingly ahead.

* * *

Robin felt something shift inside him. He began to vibrate as what felt like a complete loss of hope washed over him. He gasped and braced himself against the feeling. After a moment it passed and he took a deep breath before a sudden wall of pain slammed into him and he fell to his knees, struggling for breath.

He could sense Little John calling to him but he couldn't understand the words. "Regina," he managed to get out. "Something is wrong with Regina," he gasped before collapsing unconscious on the forest floor.

* * *

**Dun Dun DUH! Next up – Robin's side of the story. Can he justify himself? **


	9. Interlude: Robin

**Ok so here it is: Robin's POV from the night in the diner up until present day. I have reread, edited, reviewed and rewritten this chapter several times in order to hopefully get the right level of loathing and sympathy. ****You are supposed to like Robin a little more (human frailties and all) at the end of this one.**

**I hope I got the continuity of Robin's timeline correct, but I might be off by a week or two on some events. Sorry!**

**I don't remember how the curse worked – if Marian would've been alive for it or was already dead - I prefer the distance where she has been out of Robin and Roland's lives for thirty years.****(Which begs the question is Roland a thirty year old child? ****Weird, right? ****Or was he just a baby when the curse hit? ****And does that mean Robin had 30 years of not sleeping through the night?)**

**And finally a big shout out thank you to scifigrrl, bloodymary2 (hope this chapter clears up some of the relationship changes between Marian &amp; Robin), guest who refreshes with an enthusiasm that is ridiculously flattering, fan girl 666, pt159 (not lost his tongue but maybe his gumption?), Jazzy Dara (no fear, no pregnancies in this story!), Rebekathy, Pinkcatinspace, JJ (watch this space), kurotenshi-08, DameJules, , shikasgirl 10, OutlawqueenFTW, Drika Achele - your reviews are priceless and I save every one of them!**

**Ok enough of the author's indulgent notes, ladies and gentleman, I give you: Robin of Locksley…**

* * *

**The night of Marian's return**

* * *

Robin couldn't believe it. His beautiful darling wife was standing right in front of him, no now she was in his arms and he was holding her to him. He was holding on to his beloved wife when he never thought he would see her again. He buried his face in her hair and inhaled her scent. He hears his baby boy call out, "Mama" and his heart crests again that Roland would know his mother. His mind goes blank and his eyes close and he just exists in the moment.

It's the jarring and unnatural laughter that stirs him from his reverie. He doesn't open his eyes or raise his head but he concentrates and yes, there it is again. A high-pitched giggle that threatens to become a cackle. He hasn't ever heard Regina laugh like that before and a small smile comes to face at the thought of being able to tease her about it later. It comes again, stronger, harder and his smile droops. Something is wrong, Regina isn't sharing his joy at his wife's (his friend, his past, his son's mother) return. She sounds… Robin opens his eyes then to see Regina flailing and hysterical, laughing and crying and holding herself together by a thread. He rouses himself from his stupor, not enough, he only gets a soft, "Regina" out before she is walking away, out of the diner and away from him. He slackens his grip on Marian and steps back towards the door. Marian looks at him head cocked questioningly, faithfully and he slaps himself for the sudden mental image of a cocker spaniel rising in his mind.

"Robin, my love, I never thought I would never see you again," she sighed looking at him with trust and adoration. "What is this place? How did you come to be here? Everything looks so strange," she looked around in awe and Robin is acutely aware of out of place she seems.

Robin felt something collapse a little inside of him. His duty was to Marian tonight. He was the only thing that was familiar to her in this time, he couldn't leave her. His entire being ached and longed for Regina but he consoled himself that she must have been as shocked as he was. After all they had shared he was confident that she wouldn't doubt his love for her. She would understand that he needed to see to Marian's comfort and wellbeing. He would be able to see her tomorrow. Once they were together they could figure out what the hell they were going to do.

* * *

**A week after Marian's return**

* * *

It had been a week and it was killing him. He missed her with every fibre of his being and the thought made him sick. His skin yearned for her touch and crawled at the very thought of it. Robin was almost sure that he was going insane. After settling Marian in at the camp on the night of her arrival they had talked well into the morning. He explained how thirty odd years had passed, how they ended up in Storybrook, how he grieved when she passed and how he raised Roland with the help of the Merry Men. Robin was gentle and spoke with affection but he didn't shy away from explaining how he had met someone and they he had recently begun to fall in love.

Marian listened with rapt attention her heart breaking as the details of his life lived without her became clear. She felt his grief at her passing but she could also feel that he had moved on. Robin had gotten over her, both her life and her death. It was confounding and hurtful because for her where no time had passed at all, they were still madly in love. But whilst she could feel this Robin was genuinely pleased to see her she could also tell that he didn't love her in the way that she expected. So she listened to his tale as best she could through her heartbreak.

"Regina saved his life, turned the flying monkey into a toy for him. I suppose that's when I first really took notice of her," Robin mused. "She was so kind to him. It was a surprise to see she had a softer side."

"Regina? As in the Evil Queen?" Marian questioned sharply.

Robin smiled tolerantly. Marian had taken it all so well. "She's not evil anymore. She uses light magic and fights on the side of good. She's really changed, Marian."

"I was just in her dungeon about to be executed for helping Snow White," Marian spat out hotly. "Don't you dare talk to me of her changed ways! If Emma hadn't of rescued me your precious Regina would have killed me, Robin! If not for her I would have spent the last thirty years with you and Roland. She took that time from me, from us, and now it seems that she has taken you too!"

And just like that his world came crashing down.

The woman he loves killed his wife. Regina killed his wife. His mind plays this one sentence on repeat and still it doesn't make sense to him. His beautiful, innocent wife was taken from him and Roland for helping Snow White. Snow White who was now Regina's staunchest ally. Marian had died for nothing. No, Regina had killed her for nothing.

The woman he loves. He still refers to her as that. He hates himself for it. He is sick with guilt and pain and anger and love he can feel it creeping up on him, threatening to drive him insane. So he stays away from her, punishing himself, punishing Regina and rewarding Marian who was innocent in all this, caught up in a game she never knew she was playing. She had asked him to stay away from her murderer. How could he deny her that request? His mind and body revolted at the idea of seeing Regina, his wife's murderer. He ignored the quiet voice that whispered from deep down in his very bones, "Fool."

* * *

**A month after Marian's return**

* * *

Robin's head has finally quietened and was now as numb as the rest of him. He settled into this new existence, this new hell of his own making with quiet disregard. He and Marian have fallen into a comfortable, familiar rhythm. If occasionally he falls too despondent or fidgets too much she quietly reminds him that this is their life, he owes her this for taking up with her murderer and in his guilt he lets her hold this over him because in some ways it's the only thing that is keeping him together. What does it matter anyway? His world was kicked off its axis that night in the diner and nothing has made sense to Robin since, so what did any of it really matter?

He thinks maybe John can see that things aren't right between them, that Robin is going through the motions robotically, emotionlessly, but thankfully Roland is unaware to the changes in their relationship and if he does ask when he can see Gina, one of the Merry Men steps in tactfully before either Robin or Marian can answer. Robin never wants Roland to know that Regina killed his mother. He never wants Roland to be split inside with the same self-hatred for loving the wrong woman.

So he makes her promise never to mention it, not snidely, not in the heat of the moment, not ever. He doesn't ever want to risk Roland finding out. In return he agrees that they should try and find a more permanent dwelling. Marian is happy. They will finally start their lives as a real family, even if it is in this strange town where nothing makes sense to her. She gets the family she always dreamed of. Robin tries to ignore the feeling that Marian has stolen Regina's family instead.

* * *

**Two months after Marian's return**

* * *

So now he is stuck in his self-created bubble of inertia. It has been made clear to him that by not speaking up, by not making a choice, he has in fact made one. He was so wrapped up in his own self-loathing that he hadn't realised just how much time had passed. Doing nothing had seemed the easier option but now that he finds himself barred from all things Regina he realises that his indecisiveness has cost him everything.

David's friendly but firm rebuff shocked him more than he could say but nothing compared to the stinging hurt of Henry's words. Henry was the most important person in Regina's life and it tore at Robin to see how worried and scared Henry had been for his mother. Even Doctor Whale had clammed up on him ignoring Robin's questions in favour of confirming Roland's upcoming inoculations. Friends, family, old enemies, it seemed like absolutely everyone was closing ranks around Regina. To protect her from _him_. And his heart ached at the realisation that he had done what no one else had done before. He had brought low the once great and powerful Queen.

He needs a plan. He needs to be calm and measured and fight his way slowly, subtly back into Regina's life. He had unwittingly cocked it all up in his self-loathing and grief. But one fact has remained true for him throughout. He loves her. He loves Regina, all of her and he isn't proud of himself and can't imagine that she will ever forgive him (look at him, smile for him, let him touch her, hold her, kiss her, love her) but he has to try. He has to spend the rest of his life making sure that she knows that she is loved. Unconditionally. Even if up until now she has all the evidence to the contrary.

Robin is feeling more confident, more alive than he has in months. He finds himself playing with Roland like he used before all this happened and Marian wonders at the change in her husband. He doesn't speak to her yet. There are still too many variables in his plan and after his chronic inaction over the last two months he wants to make sure that he gets his next moves absolutely right.

All his careful planning goes flying out the window when he hears Leroy relating Regina's recent doings to the patrons at Granny's. Leroy seems to take an almost salacious delight in Regina's pain but it seems to Robin that this is more out of habit rather than malice. Still, he goes to stand and confront the dwarf but Granny beats him to it, whacking Leroy's hand with a wooden spoon and glaring at him.

Later, he storms into the Rabbit Hole running on pure emotion. He has spent the afternoon driving himself insane with thoughts of Regina drunk and out of control. He cannot believe that he drove her to this and once again he feels the guilt rising up in his gut. Needless to say the encounter doesn't end the way he had hoped. The few words he did manage to get in were the worst he could've spoken. He cursed himself as he strode through the forest trying to get signal on his phone. He should have opened with "I love you." If nothing else, it might have rendered her speechless long enough to make a start on making things right.

But if he thought driving her to drink was bad then nothing prepared him for overhearing her speak to Daniel. Her words shattered his heart and the guilt and the shame of his inactions washed over him again. He was truly a miserable creature.

* * *

**A few days later after the Town Council at Granny's**

* * *

He sees her every day now. He hides outside her house at night watching to see if the Mad Hatter enters under the cover darkness. He tells himself it is to protect her, now knowing that her magic is on the fritz, but it is his innate jealousy that forces him to spend night after night guarding her sleep.

He speaks to John of his worries, anxious that she is moving on without him. John listens in silence as Robin pours his heart out, the ramblings of a man on the edge. John doesn't berate him for his inconsistencies, his hypocritical nature, but he does raise his eyebrows meaningfully with a glance over at where Marian sits with Roland. "I know, John, nothing else should matter. But when he stated talking about her like that, like he knew her intimately, it was all I could do to stop myself from killing him. It's absurd and it's insane but it is like she is the only thing that matters. I love her, John."

He sighs heavily and continues, "I know I have fucked it all up. And if he makes her happy then I won't interfere, but she's my soul mate and I finally think I understand what that means now. How can he be good enough for her when he's not me? I look at Marian and I see the woman I loved, my friend, my wife and the mother of my child. She is nothing but good memories and yet when I look at her I don't feel a tenth of what I feel for Regina." John rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. "I have to do what I should have done months ago, John."

Marian looks over at her husband and his best friend. She hasn't seen Robin so animated in weeks. With a cold chill, she realises the look on Robin's face is of pleading desperation, a request for acceptance and understanding and she suddenly realises how precarious her situation with Robin has become. She had thought his renewed vigour and energy for life was him coming back to her, back to the life she was trying to create for him. Now she could see that Robin was waking up and with that awakening, he was pulling away from her. Hugging Roland closer to her in spite of his squirming she decided that she would do whatever it took to keep Robin with her, always. She knew Robin, she knew he was an honourable man and more importantly, a devoted father. He would never leave her if there was another child on the way. She would keep her family together. She just had to seduce him into lying with her again but this time without those strange devices he called condoms. She leaves Roland with Arthur and Thomas and heads into town to start reading up on the medicine of this land. She needs to figure out a way to circumvent Robin's child prevention measures.

Robin is oblivious to Marian's scheming. He thinks only of Regina.

"Why now, Rob?" John questions.

"Something is wrong with her, John. More than when she went on her drinking bender. Something doesn't feel right and I can't shake the feeling that she's in trouble," he absently rubbed his heart though he didn't seem to notice and John didn't make mention of it.

"Is it because she seems happier these days? I know she has been out and about more often and she looks healthier. Are you sure you aren't just saying all this because she isn't overtly suffering anymore?" John disliked playing devil's advocate but he was now the guardian of Regina's heart, currently tucked into his jacket pocket and he didn't want Rob to break it even further if he later changed his mind.

Robin was aghast. "How could you think so little of me?" he asked in horror. John shrugged and confessed, "Regina is my friend too and you haven't treated her well at all since Marian returned. In fact, you have been nothing but downright cruel. I know you didn't do it intentionally but you must understand why I have to ask."

Robin sagged in on himself, of course John was right. The whole bloody town was right. He had behaved like an arse and he had to stop resenting it. "Yes, of course, John. I'm sorry, you are right, I've been a bloody arse. So I will say it as clearly as I am able. I love Regina with my whole heart. I wallowed in my guilt and self-loathing for far too long and I made my soul mate suffer when I should have been reassuring her of my love, affection and loyalty. I plan on my spending the rest of my life making sure that whatever she does, wherever she goes and with whomever she loves, she knows that she is loved and valued and worthy of only the best things that life can offer."

John feels a little jump in his jacket. He coughs trying to cover up the unexpected movement. As soon as he is able to get away, he strides off into the forest to inspect Regina's heart. He is no expert, but to his layman's eyes it looks as if the split has knitted together just a little around the edges. The change is miniscule, but he was sure he felt her heart skip a beat at Robin's words and he knows that means something. He will ask her when he sees her next.

* * *

**And then…**

* * *

Pain. Overwhelming pain. Then silent darkness.

* * *

**Ok so I hope this redeems him a little in your eyes. I wanted Robin passive so that, like Regina, he has to grow up a little bit and learn that just because a fairy comes along and bops you on the tattoo with pixie dust doesn't mean that you are you choice less and bound by magic. ****You have to choose your own fate and then work really hard at it to make happen the way you want it to.**


	10. Fugue (part 1)

**Ok I am not a doctor or a psychologist and have no medical training whatsoever. Please forgive any and all medical mistakes in this chapter. ****My info about Fugue States predominately comes from Wikipedia and my own general knowledge. ****It's a plot device and any deviation from real life scenarios should be taken with a grain of salt.**

**Once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed my last offering -****I hope the last chapter redeemed Robin, even it just a little, in your eyes. ****I can't believe this story has received over 100 reviews, I find that totally amazing. ****Even more amazing is the comments and points of views you guys offer up. ****Everyone sees something from a different point of view, it's truly incredible the depth of feeling and understanding you guys show in relation to love and relationships.**

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Emma gets a call from a frantic Snow telling her that Regina has collapsed on the street and they are rushing her to hospital. Snow barks incoherent orders at her, telling her to call David, Henry, anyone, everyone, to meet her at the hospital, no wait, to first pick up Marian from the library who is caring for Neal because Snow wants to ride in the ambulance with Regina.

"Mom, calm down and slow down," Emma speaks slowly hoping that Snow would start making sense. But Snow is inconsolable and Emma understands that something is wrong with Regina and that's all that matters. She tells Snow to go with Regina to the hospital and that she will take care of everything else.

She calls David first, tells him what she knows, asks him to get Henry and meet her at the hospital. She drives over to the library and curses the lack of a child's safety seat in the cruiser. She dashes into the library and sees Marian browsing the shelves, gently rocking Neal's stroller back and forth.

"Marian, I need to get over to the hospital to check on Regina but I don't have a child seat in the car. Can you walk Neal over? I'm sorry, I don't want to drive him there without the proper restraints," Emma hurriedly asked. She was about to turn and rush out of there with a quick, "Great, thanks," tossed over her shoulder when she heard Marian ask, "Why should I care what happens to the Evil Queen?" she asked rather haughtily in Emma's opinion. "She is trying to steal my family."

"Marian, I do not have time for this. Regina has changed. You're just going to have to trust me. She uses only light magic and no," she said holding up a hand impatiently. "It's not a trick. But she wouldn't be able to conjure light magic if she wasn't a good person. As to stealing your family she hasn't been anywhere near Robin in months. The Evil Queen is gone. The sooner you come to grips with that the better. Now, please," she stressed. "Will you bring Neal over the hospital?"

Marian nodded slowly and Emma took off hurriedly, leaving Marian slightly dumbfounded.

Emma parked the cruiser haphazardly and bolted into the hospital. She found Snow, David and Henry in the waiting room. "What is going on?" she asked.

Snow took a deep breath and began, "I was supposed to meet Regina for lunch today but she must've have been running late. I ran into Marian and we were chatting outside the library when I saw Regina collapse on the sidewalk around the corner. Emma, she was so still and silent, I have never seen her look like that lifeless before." A tear ran down Snow's face. "I freaked. I didn't know what was wrong with her so I called an ambulance, left Neal with Marian and came here. We are still waiting to hear from Dr Whale." She stopped and looked around. "Wait! Where is Neal?"

"I left him with Marian. I don't have a child seat in the cruiser so she is going to walk him over. She should be here soon," Emma reassured Snow. David was sitting next to Henry, rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

"So no idea what is wrong with her?" Emma spoke to fill in the gaping silence.

"No, it looks like she just collapsed where she stood," Snow said worriedly. "But Emma, there was one thing I noticed. Her eyes… they were blue."

"Blue?" Emma repeated dumbly.

"Yes, blue as in not her usual brown. She has blue eyes now."

Emma paused for a second then perked up, "Okay, that's something and it sounds magical. It's a lead. I can work with that. As long she isn't just mixing it up with coloured contacts? No, Regina's not the type…"

Snow pulled Emma into a hug and murmured, "It's okay, sweetie. She will be okay." And as her mother stroked her back, Emma realised that she was shaking and trembling and oh, god she really needed Regina to be okay.

A few minutes later Marian strolled in with Neal. Snow smiled gratefully at her but whatever she was going to say was forgotten as Dr Whale came out of the exam room towards them.

"How is she?"

"Is she okay?"

"What's wrong with her?"

The rush of questions came at Victor hard and fast so he held up a hand to quieten them, running his fingers through his hair tiredly. "I know you all want answers but we cannot say for sure what is wrong with Regina. There don't seem to be any physical injuries that we can ascertain from an external exam. Obviously we will have to run more tests but I can tell you that she seems to be catatonic. She is unresponsive to both verbal and physical cues. She doesn't seem to recognise her name or her surroundings. We are sending her up for more tests and I will come back as soon as I have more information."

"Can I see her?" Henry asked quietly.

"We've sent her for a CAT scan which will tell us more. You can see her after that."

David nodded his thanks, whilst Marian shuffled uncomfortably in the background. She doesn't want to stay here keeping vigil for the Evil Queen but she isn't sure how to leave. The Charming Family looked shell shocked and it didn't feel right to leave them there without saying anything. She continued to rock Neal's stroller gently waiting for an appropriate moment and glad that the toddler was still sleeping.

The silent reverie was interrupted by Robin running hell bent for leather through the hospital frantically calling out Regina's name. Little John was hot on his heels though he seemed to be trying to calm Robin down. Coming upon the Charming's he gasped out, "Where is she? Is she okay?" He gasped furiously, resting his hands on his knees as he bent over to get his breath back.

"What are you doing here, Robin?" Snow asked. Marian wondered the same thing, miffed that Robin hadn't even noticed her presence.

"About 30 minutes ago he just collapsed, totally unconscious. Before he fell he was ranting that something was wrong with Regina. As soon as he came to he started running and here we ended up," John explained, also short of breath but thanking his time spent following Regina on her runs through the forest as it enabled him to keep up with Robin today.

"Regina collapsed on the street about half an hour ago." Snow said looking Robin in the eye. "We don't know why. Dr Whale is running more tests on her right now." She looked at him sympathetically. "Victor did say that she currently unresponsive. She's catatonic."

John shook his head in shock as Robin reared back, "Oh god no," he muttered despairingly.

Marian stepped forward then, directly into Robin's eye line. She was hurt and upset that he hadn't even acknowledged her presence and furious at his concern for the Evil Queen. "Why are you so obsessed with her, Robin?" she demanded. "I honestly do not understand you! You've said that you were only involved with her for a couple of months. I AM YOUR WIFE! We have known each other for years. We have LOVED each other for years! Why do you care so much? Why won't you let her go?" Marian screeched at him, seemingly at her wit's end.

"Because she is my soul mate! My honest to god, pixie dust doesn't lie, soul mate!" Robin snapped back.

Emma is sure that if anyone had spouted the words 'soul mate' at her with such conviction she would've scoffed and sent their dreamer arses packing but Marian is from the Enchanted Forest and she grew up with the stories of actual soul mates and believes in the magic of twin souls. She doesn't look at Robin like he's a deluded or taken too many drugs or watched too many chick flicks. She looks at him in horrified understanding and heartbreak. And just like that, she sees Marian give in. Emma can see it in her posture, in her eyes. The blonde hangs her head to hide her face and her shame. A lone tear streaks down her cheek. She has now destroyed three lives. She can't hang around to hear anymore. She can't wait here at the hospital to see Regina not being Regina.

She turns as if to leave but hears Henry calling for her. So she goes and sits with him and promises that, "Everything will be okay, kid. You'll see. We will make this right." She watches as a saddened and broken Marian walks out of the hospital, John following after her a few steps behind. He tells Robin that they will take care of Roland for the time being and to call if he needs anything.

Emma watches Robin slide down the wall and collapse with his head in his hands. Henry eyes him suspiciously but Emma gently warns him to let it go. Robin is clearly suffering enough at the moment. David suggests to him that maybe he should get checked out by a doctor as he too collapsed but Robin stares at him blankly and says, "It wasn't my pain." David sends Snow a questioning look and she raises her eyebrow in return. The implications of Robin's connection to Regina are apparent to them both but they stay silent, acknowledging it is something that can be discussed later.

They wait in silence for more news. Finally, Dr Whale comes back and the look on his face warns them that the news isn't what they hoped to hear.

"We can confirm that Regina's collapse wasn't caused by any physical injuries. She is still relatively unresponsive though she is nodding and interacting on a very basic level. It seems her catatonia has passed though she is yet to speak. The scan did show something odd. Her hippocampus, the part of the brain that forms and stores memories, seems to be grossly inactive. We can't be certain until she starts to talk but it appears that she has lost her memory."

Whale paused so the Charming's and Robin could absorb the news. He expected a barrage of questions but the usually gung-ho group seemed stunned into silence so he continued his assessment. "At the moment our best guess is that she is in a fugue state, what we used to call dissociative fugue. Fugue states are generally short term, often brought on by a stressor that the brain can't deal with so it disassociates itself from the memories. We can't rule out that this is a long term problem, though I couldn't find any head trauma normally associated with long term memory loss. At the moment, all we can do it keep her calm and comfortable. I want to keep her here for a few days to monitor her condition and if she remains stable we can talk about sending her home under supervision. I've rung Dr Hopper to come down and perform a psychological assessment on her. He should be here shortly. For now, we just have to wait and see."

* * *

**Ok so Marian got a serving in this one. I didn't want to be horribly mean but it just seems to be the way I write her – I blame underlying anger at the writers for bringing her back in the first place.**

**Next, we see Rumple get in on the act and we explore the mystery of Regina's broken heart.**


	11. Fugue (part 2)

**Ok no way am I getting this finished before the premiere. But I will keep trying to post twice a week until it is done!**

**Once again I am overwhelming grateful for all of the lovely reviews. I hope I can come up with an ending that does you all justice.**

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The next few days were hard on everyone. Dr Hopper had come past and spoken to Regina at length. She was functionally normally, if not a little robotically, but Dr Whale's initial assessment had been correct. Regina had no memory of who she was nor of anyone else that had been by to see her. Henry took her lack of response to him particularly hard, kissing her in the hopes that true love would restore her memories. Emma had a hard time consoling him when it didn't work. David did a little better reminding Henry that true love's kiss didn't work on Snow either when she didn't have her memories. This cheered Henry a little, though disappointed Robin who had plans to sneak in as soon as Regina was alone and try himself.

The first twenty-four hours had passed with no change to her condition. Dr Whale had let each of them visit with her, one at a time so as not to overwhelm her. She was polite and courteous, thanking each one of them for their visit but she didn't remember any of them. More disturbingly, she didn't appear interested in learning who they were or who she was from any of them. Her vivid blue eyes startled each of them but they tried their best not to react too obviously.

When Dr Whale informed them that her latest test results remained the same Snow finally asked him about Regina's eye colour. Victor looked confused, "What about her eyes?"

"They've changed colour. They used to be brown and now they are blue," Snow explained patiently.

"Huh, I never noticed. Hmm…" Dr Whale paused. "Well it's not natural, unless she is wearing coloured contacts? No? Then I would theorise that it is a magical symptom."

"We need Gold," David said. "Maybe he has seen something like this before."

"I'll get him," Emma volunteered, shooting to her feet quickly eager to do something.

"Bring Belle too," Snow suggested. "She might have read something somewhere."

Emma nodded and headed out. The rest of them remained in vigil.

"So her eyes just turned blue after she collapsed, right? I assume it would be too big of a coincidence that her eyes changed colour and then a few days later she collapsed catatonic?" Victor asked.

"I saw her eyes flash blue a month or two ago," Snow said thinking back. "But it was just a barest flash."

"I think I may have seen her eyes flash blue for a second as well, though it too was some weeks ago," Little John said, having overheard the last part of their conversation. He had Roland up on his shoulders and flipped him down in front of Robin. "Sorry, Rob, but the lad has been asking for you. When he found out Gina was sick he wanted to come and see her too. It seemed easier to bring him for a visit than hear him scream his little lungs out." He looked pointedly at the child, who squirmed a little but didn't deny it.

"I missed you, Papa," he said winsomely. Robin hugged him a little tighter.

"So maybe this has been a gradual process for Regina and finally culminated in an event that became the stressor that caused her break," Whale began pacing and theorising out loud. "Damn it! If the stubborn woman had just let me run some damn tests I might have been able to pick up on it," Whale cursed.

John clears his throat and Whale looks at him expectantly. John shrugs self-consciously and doesn't say anything. Internally, he debates about the morality of keeping Regina's secret when she is so clearly lost to them but he truly does not want to betray her trust. He continues weighing up the pros and cons whilst Robin introduces Roland to fugue state Regina. He watches the three of them from outside her room and his heart aches at what he sees. Robin is stoic, trying so hard to be strong and Roland is clambering all over Regina, completely unaffected by her demeanour. It is Regina that makes John sad. She is still and lifeless though he can he see that she responds at the right moment, giving all her attention to the child on her lap. But the spark of joy that Roland could always bring out in her is missing.

Whilst John was deliberating internally, Emma returned with Belle and Rumpelstiltskin. "I've told them what we know so far," Emma said as they came up to Regina's room.

"Which wasn't much, dearie. You haven't told me what caused our dear Queen to lose her mind," Rumple said scathingly. Belle gently hit him on the arm, explaining that "he is just worried about her and this is the only way he knows how to show it."

Rumple ignored his wife's words and strode into Regina's room, waiting impatiently for Roland to say his goodbyes. As soon as they were alone he spoke, "Well, dearie, this is a right pickle you have gotten yourself into."

She looked up at him questioningly, but without fear, without anger, without understanding. She was completely devoid of response. Rumple hadn't seen her look like this in all his years of knowing her. Taken aback, though determined not to let it show he continued, "I understand that you have no knowledge of who you are?" She nodded. "And you don't remember me?" She shook her head. "Cora?" he asked hoping to get a reaction.

"I beg your pardon?" Regina finally spoke but Gold couldn't detect any recognition in her face.

"Never mind." He sat on the bed next to her lifting his hands to glide over and around her, never touching but reaching out with his magic to scan her.

This seemed to amuse her as she raised an eyebrow questioning.

"Local shaman?" she asked with a hint of sarcasm.

Rumple was delighted though again he didn't show it. Sarcasm was a key trait in Regina and it reassured him that in essentials, Regina was as she ever had been. He continued scanning her with his magic until he came to her chest. He dropped his hands suddenly as though burnt.

"Well, dearie, I will leave you to get some rest," he said patting her hand awkwardly. She looked at him curiously but said nothing.

He strode back into the waiting room furiously. "Where's Henry?" he asked immediately.

"He's taken Roland down to the hospital play room," Emma said. "Why?"

"It's better that he doesn't hear this. And the good doctor?"

"Seeing other patients. What have you learned?"

Rumple paused for effect and then stated, "Regina's heart is missing."

"What? God damn it!" Robin asked shocked. "That bloody stubborn woman! I knew something was different about her, I knew that something was off. Why the hell can't she keep her bloody heart inside her bloody body? Is that was has caused the memory loss?"

Rumple shrugged, "Given no other evidence I would suggest that it might have something to do with it. But you say you noticed something was off with Regina? Then she had to have removed it before she collapsed. How long has she seemed different to you?"

"I don't know, a few weeks maybe?" Robin guessed.

"Well, we need to find it ASAP and stuff it back in her. Maybe that will jog her memory," Emma stated.

"It might not be that simple," Rumple sighed. "Regina will have hidden it where we would never think to find it."

"Her heart," John began stuttering. "You think it might help her get her memories back?"

"Yes," Rumple said impatiently. "That is exactly what we are saying."

"What if there was something wrong with it? What if it was… damaged?"

"John, what do you know?" Robin asked, a demanding tone sneaking into his voice.

John sighed heavily. "She made me promise never to tell you. She never wanted you to be burdened by it. A few weeks ago Regina figured out if she removed her heart she could conjure her light magic at will. What she also discovered was that her heart was… damaged."

"Damaged?" Rumple and Robin asked at the same time.

"Broken." John clarified. "She thought putting it back in would be dangerous. That if something else happened to… upset her… it would break entirely. She was looking for a way to fix it last I spoke to her."

"John, how do you know all this?" Robin asked.

"I've been keeping an eye on her since Marian returned. She's been running through the forest most mornings, I think as a way to distract herself. She runs for miles and miles and me and couple of the Merry Men take it in turns to shadow her, you know, just to make sure she is okay. She caught me doing it a month or so back." He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out Regina's heart, wrapped in a linen cloth. "When she discovered what had happened to her heart, she asked me to keep it safe. I don't think she wanted it near her."

He peeled back the linen to show them all her heart. Rumple inhaled sharply at the sight. "It was hanging on just in the middle here, but you can see it has slightly healed here and here," John gestured trying to remain factual in response to this latest bombshell. "She was doing better since it was out of her chest and you can see here where it is pulsating white. A week ago it was weeping white light. We assumed it was love that was cascading out of the heart but thankfully now it is just glowing."

Robin looked at her heart in horrified shock. "It… it didn't look like that a few months ago," he stuttered.

"A lot has happened in the last few months," John said gently. Robin held out his hands for the heart and John gently handed it over. Robin started to gently stroke it as if it were a baby bird. "Shh," he whispered to it. "It's going to be okay."

David looked at him as if he had lost his mind but Robin didn't have eyes for anything other than Regina's heart. Emma looked like she was going to be sick, her guilt written all over her face.

Belle had moved to stand next to Rumple, rubbing his arm gently. He hadn't moved or spoken since John had unveiled the heart. His mind was racing… disassociate fugue… magical loss of memories… heart literally broken by love… physical manifestation of emotional pain… Rumple was stunned.

"I have never seen nor heard of a heart looking like this before," he began looking at Belle questioningly. "No, nor me," she said.

"The only thing I can think of, and believe me when I say it is wild supposition, is that Regina most likely disassociated from herself because of the very equal and yet opposite facets of her life." He paused, trying to gather his thoughts. "In Neverland she said that she didn't regret any of her choices because they led her to Henry but now it seems that those same choices meant that she was the one to kill her soul mate's wife and therefore end up losing him. Look at heart! It's literally broken for the loss of her soul mate but also pulsating, overflowing with love. How does one reconcile the dichotomy of these feelings?"

Rumple paused still staring at the heart in Robin's hands with undisguised fascination. "Clearly, something happened on the day she collapsed that pushed her over the edge. She couldn't reconcile the outcomes of her choices so she snapped and protected herself by forgetting… everything," Rumple said with genuine pity in his voice. "Regina has always had the courage of her convictions," he said sadly. "It appears likely that those convictions were at war with each other and her mind was the battle ground."

"But how do we fix her?" Snow asked desperately at the same time Robin begged," But how do we help her regain who she was?"

"I don't know, dearies, I truly don't know." Rumple seemed saddened by his own lack of answers.

"Well, let's get Doctor Whale back," David said. "The problem may be magical but it has physical symptoms. It can't hurt to get his input." Snow smiled at him gratefully.

They paged Victor and brought him up to speed. "If what you say is true then this could complicate Regina's recover exponentially. If Regina's figurative broken heart actually translated into a literal breaking of her physical heart then her memory loss might not be so short term. If her magic is able to interfere at an emotional level and cause physical side effects on mental or emotional problems then her memories might be gone forever." Victor sighed. "This is of course all just speculation. Maybe Mr Gold and I can sit down together and try and come up with something. I can suggest what we would normally do medically in these circumstances and Mr Gold can walk me through the possible magical ramifications. Perhaps together we can come up with a treatment plan."

Rumple bowed very slightly.

"What about?" Belle asked gesturing to Regina's heart cradled in Robin's hands.

"I would agree with Regina that putting it back in, given its current state, might not be the soundest plan. I assume the outlaw won't be relinquishing it any time soon?" Robin's face hardened and he tightened his grip imperceptibly.

"Then I leave it to him, he who clearly broke it, to try and mend it. Or at least get into shape enough so that we can put it back in without causing further damage." Robin glared at Rumpelstiltskin but gently wrapped up her heart and tucked it away. The imp was right, he had broken her heart. But now he had a way to undo the misery of the last few months and prove that he loved only Regina. He would heal her broken heart.

* * *

**And so begins Robin's redemption – next up Robin and Regina spend some time together. **


	12. Fugue (part 3)

**I'd written this chapter a few days ago but wanted to sit on it to make sure I had gotten it right. It still feels a little off but hey the show must go on. ****The next chapter is mostly written so expect another update soon.**

**Thanks again to everyone who has read, reviewed and complimented the story. It has truly taken on a life of its own so I hope I continue to do the plot justice.**

**So begins Robin's redemption and Regina's healing…**

* * *

Whilst Regina remains in hospital so too does Robin. He has a mission, a purpose and he refuses to be distracted from it. He returns once to the farmhouse that he had shared with Marian to collect a few of his things and he moves them into Regina's guest room. He knows he is being presumptuous but as soon as she is released from hospital she will go home and he is going to be right alongside her.

It took him a while to obtain Henry's permission and forgiveness. Robin had taken him aside at the hospital and shown him his mother's heart, against the wishes of the Charming family who preferred to keep Henry in the dark regarding this latest development.

But Robin knew Henry wasn't quite a child anymore and he hoped that by sharing the truth with him, he would understand just how serious Robin was about Regina. Robin spoke from his heart, explaining how he had felt when Regina collapsed, how her pain had become his because they were soul mates and how in that instant he knew that nothing else mattered but to make sure she was okay. How he had decided weeks ago that he would atone for his mistakes and make sure that Regina knew she was loved forever. Henry continued to eye him sceptically until Robin's impassioned words caused the heart between them to glow a little brighter. They both stopped dumbfounded, looking at each other and then looking at the heart.

"I love you," they both shouted at the heart and then reeled back as the heart glowed even brighter. They grinned maniacally at each other and then chanted, "I love you. I love you. I love you," over and over watching with delight as Regina's heart shone incandescently.

On closer inspection, though Regina's heart shone brighter, it did not appear to have mended any further. Henry slumped down a little, dejected that their declarations of love hadn't helped heal the heart but he perked up as he watched Robin stroke Regina's heart gently. Words might help but actions were what counted.

"Ok, I give you my blessing," he said resolutely. "And my support. We are going to need a codename because I don't want people talking about my mom's heart in public."

"How about Operation Second Chances?" Robin suggested glad that he and Henry were copasetic.

"Nah, that's lame," Henry shook his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll work on a code name. You worry about proving to mom's heart that you do truly love her."

Robin hugged Henry pulling him as tight and as close as he would Roland. "Your mother would be so proud of you," he said softly but with feeling.

"We'll both make her proud," he said. "Hey, when Roland comes to visit he can stay in my room and we have a proper sleep over. And we can do weekend waffles!"

Robin smiled at Regina's boy, happy that he had made amends with him. Snow and David objected to his plans but with Henry's backing and Emma's silence they agreed to let him try it his way. Truthfully, neither one of them thought it was a bad idea but they felt like they had to make Robin work for it a little in order to ensure he had really thought things through.

He spoke to Marian briefly when he collected his things, mostly of Roland and how they would share his time. It should've been sadder he thinks but Marian doesn't fight him and doesn't make it any harder than circumstances have dictated. They have been fighting against this since she returned and now there is at least a familiar honesty between them.

When he isn't at the hospital, he is at Regina's, snooping through her things and getting familiar with her kitchen, her pantry, her laundry. There is still so much he doesn't know about her and he feels absolutely no shame at the total invasion of her domestic privacy now. Having been separated from her for months he is eager to make up for lost time. He justifies his snooping and innate curiosity as concern for her wellbeing. Anything he discovers might help her regain her memories. But she had never struck him as the type to keep a diary or anything remotely similar so he isn't surprised not to find one. He does discover her favourite type of pasta, her favourite wines, what type of cosmetics and moisturisers she uses, an astonishing amount of soft linen clothing hidden in the back of her wardrobe, a ridiculous amount of shoes neatly displayed in racks and a hundred other little quirks that her home offers up to him.

He buys some beer and slides it into the fridge next to her cider. Henry is with Emma until Regina is released and Marian has Roland for the next few days whilst Robin tries to get everything in order. Robin wants to meld as much of himself into her home as he can before she gets her memories back and kicks him out. He wants to linger on here in this house if and when that happens. He puts her heart on the pillow next to him as drifts off to sleep, finding its soft glow soothing and comforting.

* * *

He is back at the hospital the next morning with a cup of coffee for Regina exactly how she likes it. He likes the early morning time he can spend with her before others come to see her. They usually sit in silence as Regina doesn't seem inclined to talk and Robin isn't sure how to break the bubble they find themselves in. This morning he doesn't have to.

"Who are you?" she asks curiously.

"Robin of Locksley, milady," he answers grandiosely. "We were introduced the other day."

"No, I mean who are you… to me?" she asked again, intently and with meaning.

"Someone who wronged you," he sighed.

"How did you wrong me?"

A pause. "I was selfish. Cruel. Callous. I neglected you when I should have cherished you. I spurned you when I should have comforted you. I hated you when I should have loved you."

"I don't know you. I don't know what you have done to me. But you have my forgiveness."

"Just like that?"

"What does it matter to me? I don't know who you are, I can't remember being hurt by you and you seem genuinely contrite. I've been told you've barely left the hospital since I was admitted. Well, I forgive you, take it and feel free to leave."

"You don't want me here?"

"I don't know you. It matters little to me either way."

A grin. She thinks it should be familiar for the way it makes her stomach flip. "Then let us take this opportunity for you to get to know me. Perhaps then when you do get your memory back you will be less inclined to kill me." She raises an eyebrow. "Figuratively speaking," he hastens to add. "Besides, your son has very kindly offered me your guest room for the foreseeable future whilst we reacquaint you with your life here."

"My son…" she said slowly. "You are staying in my house?"

"Yes, for the time being. It seemed prudent for you to have an extra pair of hands around whilst you… transition," he said delicately.

"I see. And why would you be chosen as my designated keeper?" she asked a hint of petulance in her voice.

"Because I love you. Because you mean everything in the world to me. And I could not let someone else be everything that you need."

"Pretty words," she noted.

"Well I am told you will be released soon. You shall have the chance to judge my conduct for yourself."

She nodded her agreement and was once again silent. Robin let the silence stretch for a few minutes. He wanted her comfortable in his presence. When he did finally speak again she didn't startle and he took comfort in that.

"May I tell you of my son? And what little I know of yours?" he asked.

She smiled and for a second he thought she had remembered everything. But her next words drew him back down to earth, "yes, please. Tell me of the children."

And so he regales her with tales of Roland's mishaps and adventures and of Henry's achievements and anecdotes that he had heard from the Charmings. She engaged more freely with him as he entertained her, her laughs causing his heart to beat faster. It was a small start but he felt encouraged nonetheless.

* * *

The first day home is strange for them all and the only one who doesn't notice is Regina. She spends time looking through the house they tell her is hers and sits with Henry going through old photo albums of when he was little. They don't touch on any of the more recent events. Robin watches them a trifle enviously. Regina, even in her tabula rasa state, still responds better to children than adults, encouraging their natural enthusiasm and zest for life.

The three of them interacting in the house together almost feels like they are a family and Robin exchanges frequent satisfied glances with Henry. It is uncomfortable that Regina doesn't know who they are but Henry just shrugs and they carry on, crossing their fingers that with time familiarity if not memory will come, allowing their dreams of this becoming the basis of their _real_ family to come to fruition. Robin cooks dinner on that first evening, making sure Regina has a glass of one of her favourite wines. He pours her another glass and cuts her slices of blue cheese and apples for dessert. She smiles at his consideration and it is all he can do to stop himself leaning down and gently kissing her wine stained lips.

The next day he takes her to the stables. He has never seen her so placid and unresisting. She agrees to everything he suggests and he finds her lack of snark frustrating. But he perseveres and reminds himself that this is about her and not him. It's a struggle, trying to get any reaction he can out of his Regina-bot. She strokes the horses confidently but without pleasure or reaction. It's not until she up in the saddle and kicking off that Robin starts to see some of the old Regina. She might not have her memories but her muscles remember and instinct takes over as she kicks into a canter and leaves him in the dust.

He laughs, his heart gladdened and he feels her heart jump a little in his jacket. He rides two lengths behind her, happy to let her set the pace. As she rides he can see her spine straighten a little more and her shoulders relax. He can see the moment when she recognises and accepts the freedom the horse ride has given her and she confidentially leads her horse into a series of jumps over fallen stumps and logs. When she finally pulls up and looks back at him he can see that though she isn't smiling her eyes are blazing and triumphant like a victorious warrior queen. She might not be herself but in this moment she is magnificent and he falls in love with her all over again.

* * *

Snow comes over that afternoon with Neal and she and Regina sit and drink tea whilst Robin entertains the toddler. Regina is still generally unresponsive around Snow and David though she perks up for Neal and his pudgy toddler ways. Snow tries to explain their bizarre family tree and Regina soaks it all up like a sponge albeit a noticeably uncurious one. Snow is waiting for a barrage of questions but Regina just nods.

After she had drunk her tea she puts her mug down and faces Snow more fully. "So you are my step-daughter?" Regina picks Neal up from the floor where he has been playing and starts bouncing him on her knee.

At Snow's careful nod Regina leans in closer, still carefully using Neal as a barrier. "Do we have a good relationship?" she asked tentatively.

"Yes!" Snow answers emphatically. "Yes, we do. I'll admit it has had its rockier moments and we have had our ups and downs but yes, we have a good relationship. We're family. I love you, Regina. I've always loved you." Careful of her son, Snow pulled her into hug as if Regina were the child and the three of them sat there for some time huddled together. Robin watches and smiles. Snow might be too old to need a mother and Regina too young to have such a daughter but seeing them together with an arm each around the other and Neal in between them Robin fancies that they are more like sisters, supportive and loving of each other but as equals now.

Later he runs Regina a bubble bath knowing that she would be sore after having not ridden in so long. He adds a few candles, pours a glass of wine and leaves her to it. He then spends the next half hour torturing himself with imagined images of her luxuriating in the lemon verbena scented warmth. Before he goes to bed he speaks to her heart, softly whispering of his love, his loyalty and how amazed he is of her each and every day. He doesn't look at it closely to see if it has improved in condition. Regina found her freedom and reconnected with the lynch pin of her strange and unusual family today. That is enough for him and it makes him feels blessed. He has learnt one more thing today. He now knows that if Regina never regains her memories, he will still love her, as is she, with all of his heart.

* * *

**More to come in the next few days. Thanks for reading.**


	13. Fugue (part 4)

**Once again, thank you for the flattering reviews – I am glad so many of you are finding this story so original. I try not to read in the fandoms I write to avoid unintentional contamination but there are so many great OQ writers out there it is hard not to read everything that is available!**

**Lulu2613 mentioned in her review something about The Vow – I haven't seen the movie so I am not sure, but I assume it means that the character got her old memories back but forgot the new ones. Once again, I refer to Wikipedia – most fugue state patients lose their memories of their time in the fugue state once they re-associate with their normal memories. ****Don't worry, campers, I already have a work around for this.**

**In this chapter Regina rediscovers the good and bad of childhood, catches up with Jefferson and has a heart to heart with Robin. Enjoy!**

* * *

Emma comes over the next day ostensibly to see Henry but Robin can tell she wants to see how Regina is doing as well. Henry is her son too and his welfare is still her greatest concern. Emma is surprised to see how well Henry and Robin are interacting together in Regina's house and is further surprised to see how fugue Regina engages more easily with both of them. She feels a sharp tug of guilt once more for her decision to bring Marian back with them. Though Roland is absent, Emma is seeing the family that Regina should have had these last few months.

She shakes it off, what's done is done. "Hey, kid, ready to go?"

Henry runs up the stairs calling, "In a minute, just grabbing a few things."

Regina looks politely interested, "Where are you off to?"

"Since it's a surprisingly nice day, I thought the kid and I would head out for a picnic. Things have been a bit crazy recently so I thought we could go for some down time." At Robin's encouraging look she offered, "Would you like to join us?"

Regina looked nonplussed at the offer but inclined her head slowly. "Yes, I think that would be nice. Thank you."

Twenty minutes later the three of them were sitting on a picnic blanket in grassy patch at the edge of the forest. Henry began unpacking the basket that Emma had brought with her. Regina looked impressed and commented, "You appear to be to a very fine and," seeing even more containers spill out of the basket, "a prolific cook."

Henry fell over laughing and Emma blushed, "Yeah okay, kid calm down. I picked this up from Granny's in town," she explained to Regina who was looking confused.

"Yeah, cooking… not her strong suit," Henry understated.

Regina smiled at their easy interaction. "Do I cook?"

"Oh boy do you ever," Emma muttered under her breath remembering the apple turnover. Henry shot her a look and enthused, "Yeah, mom, you are a great cook!"

Regina nodded and let Emma and Henry tease each other as they ate. When most of the food was gone they all reclined gently, happy to drift into silence as they digested their food.

A cool but not unpleasant breeze drifted over them. Regina let her gaze roam easily around their surroundings. Henry soon gets bored and wanders off to explore. Both women warn him to not to go too far and then look at each other sheepishly, offering apologetic grins and half-hearted shrugs. Henry groans and mutters, "Mothers!" under his breath.

Emma and Regina kick back, happy to enjoy the silence and the day. A few minutes later they hear Henry call out, "Wow! You can see the town from up here."

Emma shoots Regina a worried look and they both get to their feet hurriedly. They head over to where they last saw Henry and look around a bit frantically calling his name.

"Up here!" Henry is about halfway up a tree, peering out from the leafy branches.

"Henry! Get down from there," Emma scolds.

"It's perfectly safe. Look," Henry demonstrates by bouncing on his branch that only gives a very little. Emma groans and looks concerned but Regina is staring up at the tree with a look Emma can't quite decipher. If she had to guess it was part wonder, part longing. Henry must've noticed too because he calls out, "C'mon mom, it is an easy climb and the view is amazing."

Regina hesitates. "I don't think I have ever climbed a tree before," she speaks quietly but Henry hears her. "Then you HAVE to come up. This might just be the best climbing tree in Storybrook."

"Kid, I've never climbed a tree either and I think it's a bit late in life to start."

Henry looks horrified. "Both of you need to climb up this tree right now. Honestly, what kind of childhood did you guys have?" he asks before realising what he said, his eyes going wide in apology. Regina is oblivious but Emma smiles sadly and nods her understanding.

Regina is circling the base of the trunk looking for the best way up. Henry starts to point out his handholds but she tells him to let her do it herself. Emma and Henry share a quick grin at Regina's 'Miss Independence' attitude. Regina takes hold of a branch and begins hauling herself up, climbing confidently and steadily. When she gets closer to Henry she gasps in awe at the view. "How have I never done this before?" Henry grins down at her and she climbs a little higher and off to one side of him. Her eyes scan the view and she is amazed at how beautiful everything looks from up here. She laughs delightedly, the sound escaping her involuntarily. She stifles it for a second before relaxing and letting out a properly immature giggle.

"Emma," she calls down. "Please, come on up. It's really quite something up here."

She hears grumbling but a few minutes later Emma is climbing up near to her and settling in on an adjacent branch.

"Look," Regina urges and Emma casts her view over the town.

"Wow," she breathes softly.

"Right?" Even Regina can hear the smile in her voice now.

"This is incredible. How have I never done this before?" Emma marvels.

Henry mutters a cheeky, "I told ya so!" but Emma and Regina ignore him, far too pleased with their discovery. They start giggling like school children and soon the giggling turns into full throated laughter. And when they finally get their breath back there is a new lightness that radiates out of both them.

Robin notices it immediately upon their return and asks if they had a nice picnic. Henry looks a little disturbed but Emma and Regina are looking for all the world like excited five year olds, their eyes bright with innocence and excitement. He is blown back further at both Emma and Regina's suddenly brilliant smiles as they answered in unison, "We climbed a tree!"

He chuckles indulgently and Henry stomps off to his room, still shaking his head.

* * *

Robin, Henry and Regina carry on in this fashion for a few days. Robin and Henry are both careful to only talk about happy times and good memories. Their outings are light and relaxed and they are careful not to pressure Regina to remember. They both embrace the Regina that they have with them, not wanting to make her feel inadequate. For her part, she enjoys their company and doesn't question her circumstances.

Robin is trying to do what he thinks is best for her and wants to put her best interests first. This instinct comes naturally to him until Jefferson comes to visit a few days after she out of hospital. Robin scowls at the sight of the bouquet carrying Hatter on Regina's (_his_) doorstep but he remembers his promise to do what is best for her and so he begrudgingly lets him in.

Regina receives his visit hesitantly which immediately gladdens Robin's heart but her smile when she accepts Jefferson's flowers dims it a bit. He leaves them to it and goes to get a room ready for Roland who is coming to stay with them for the next few days. He can hear Jefferson's voice but not the words and he forces himself upstairs. When he comes down half an hour later the Hatter is gone and Regina is arranging the flowers in a vase.

"Nice visit?" he asks unable to stop himself.

Regina doesn't answer and continues arranging the blooms. At his stare she half shrugs a shoulder at him. "He says we have been friends for many years, since I was a young girl."

Robin nods slowly, "I believe that to be the case but I can't say for certain. You kept many things to yourself and were a naturally private person."

"He is strange… but kind?" she inflects her voice making it a question.

Robin absolutely hates himself at this point but he responds truthfully, "I think he is. I know of nothing bad about him and whilst I suspect your past friendship with him has had its bumpy moments, I do believe that he honestly cares for you."

"It seems I am hearing that a lot," she says ruefully spinning the vase around to ensure the flowers are situated to her liking. "Murky histories, ups and downs," she clarifies.

Robin prevaricates, "I suppose when one reflects back it would seem like all relationships have their moments." She stares at him fully aware that there is much that he not saying but she doesn't call him on it.

* * *

Later they head over to Granny's before Robin has to go and collect Roland. Regina has been enamoured of the food since the picnic and spends a flattering amount of time considering the menu. Robin is content just to watch her and bask in her company. He looks at his watch and realises he needs to head over to the farmhouse to collect Roland. He asks is she will be okay for twenty minutes or so and she nods absently still concentrating on the menu. Once he has gone, Ruby comes over to take her order.

She looks up helplessly, "What do I normally order?"

"You usually get a salad or a coffee to go."

Regina looks downcast. "That sounds so boring," she notes. "What is hands down the most amazing dish on the menu?"

Ruby pauses considering. "There are several really popular dishes. Sweet or savoury?"

"Savoury."

"Go for the burger and fries. When you don't know what you feel like, the burger and fries always satisfies."

"Yes, please," Regina hands over her menu and settles in to wait for her burger and Robin. The burger comes out surprisingly quickly and she devours it with appetite. Granny comes out to check on her and Regina gestures her to sit, her mouth full having just taken a decent sized bite.

"You seem to be enjoying that," Granny notes with satisfaction.

"It's amazing," Regina gets out in between bites. "So juicy!"

"Well you weren't one for junk food, maybe this is you making up for lost time," Granny said almost to herself. Regina doesn't answer. She just continues to enjoy her meal under the watchful gaze of Granny's kind eyes. Their silence is comfortable only broken by Regina once she has swallowed her last bite. "Thank you. That was delicious." She picked up the plate at looked at it guiltily. "I'm tempted to lick it clean," she confessed, gesturing expansively. The plate slipped out of her hand and smashed on the floor. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry," she said, slipping out of the booth and falling to her knees to start collecting all the pieces. "Please, I didn't mean to. I'm so very sorry," she said desperately, looking at Granny beseechingly. Tears formed in the corners of Regina's eyes and she was becoming frantic, apologising over and over.

Granny got down on her knees beside her and soothed, "Shh…. It's okay. Here give me those," she took the broken pieces and placed them on the table and then wrapped her arms soothingly around Regina. "You didn't do anything wrong. It's just a plate. You're okay. It's okay, child."

She rubbed up and down Regina's back over and over until she calmed down. Regina sniffled and tried to get control of herself. Granny tucked her back into the booth still holding onto her as she calmed.

"Okay now?" she asked.

Regina nodded and wiped her eyes. "I apologise," she said robotically. "I am not sure what came over me." She held herself stiffly, shame and embarrassment colouring her cheek.

Granny kissed the top of her head instinctively. "Its fine, girl. It was just an accident. No harm done." Granny stood and asked, "Coffee?"

Regina nodded. "Thank you, Granny." Granny patted her shoulder kindly and Regina felt a warmth blossom in her belly.

When Robin returned with Roland he could see that she had been crying but she shook her head, not wanting to get into it. Luckily Roland was in a gregarious mood and kept them occupied all the way home.

* * *

"There is something I should explain about Roland's mother," Robin says the next morning when they sit drinking coffee and watching Roland play in the yard. The morning had been fairly frenetic with two children, one of whom needed to get off to school but for all that they had never done it before, Robin managed to make Henry his lunch, get Roland dressed, find school books and favourite shirts all the while making breakfast under Regina's watchful but unhelpful gaze.

"Yes?"

"Her name is Marian. She is my wife." He paused expecting Regina to ark up at him but she nods and sips her coffee unconcernedly.

"It is a complicated tale but the important thing that I want you to know is our marriage is over. When I fell in love with you I had believed her to be dead for many years. I will furnish you with all the details if you wish."

"I don't think that is necessary."

Robin was surprised at how well Regina was taking the news. He prodded carefully, "You do not have any questions about Marian? Or us?"

Regina looked thoughtful for a minute. "Does she live here in Storybrook?"

"Yes, we shared a farmhouse on the outskirts of town. I moved out when our marriage ended."

"Here?"

Robin nodded his assent.

"So your marriage has been over for what three days?"

"No, it has been over a lot longer than that. Your… illness merely precipitated matters."

"I see."

"Do you? Frankly, I think you are taking this far too calmly and it is unnerving. I'm telling you about Marian because you deserve to know and I would prefer you don't find out another way. But you are taking it far too calmly. You have the right to ask questions, to be curious about our situation."

She huffed at that and looked at him pointedly. "Our situation? Robin, as I said a few days ago, I don't know you. I don't know why you are here or what you want from me or what your life was like before me or anything about you. You say that you love me but you are only here because I lost my memories. If I hadn't, you would still be with your wife. So, please, don't involve me in this fantasy you have of us because this is it. This is me. I might never get my memories back. I might never be the woman you fell in love with ever again. Dr Whale warned me that those who come out of the fugue state and regain their original memories often lose the time they spend in fugue. If that happens, whatever you hope to accomplish now, here with me, will be lost. So I might not ever be the woman you fell in love with again but if I do I will forget all that you are trying to do now to help me. If you are telling me that you are no longer with that adorable little boy's mother because I had an accident and lost my memories, I have to wonder if I am the only one with a head injury."

Robin put down his coffee, ran his fingers through his hair and sighed loudly. "You are just as infuriating without your memories as you are with them!" he declared soundly. "My love, for you are my love, in any and every incarnation you can possibly come up with, this is not temporary. I have already fallen in love with this new you. I will be here for you forever. And I will always love you. Honestly, I don't care if you remember and I don't care if you forget this." He paused, leaning over to gently take her hand. "But I understand that this is new to you. You asked me what I wanted, what I was doing here? I want your happiness. I want you to know that you are loved. I want you to be able to walk tall and proud because you accept who you are. I love you and I will continue to love as unselfishly as I can for as long as you live."

She leans forward and gently kisses him, a simple, brief touching of the lips.

"Okay, we'll see," she says sitting back.

He laughs at her nonchalance and swears to himself once more that he will make sure that one day she believes she is loved. He admits to himself that he likes this new lighter Regina that is willing to take him on face value because she doesn't know how badly he has already let her down. That night, when he lays her heart on his pillow, he can see where the break has started to knit together and he wonders if it might not be kinder (and more selfish) to let Regina remain without her memories.

* * *

**Next time Regina catches up with Rumple and has an encounter with Marian. I hope you enjoyed this update.**


	14. Fugue (part 5)

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, especially to Pinkcatinspace who always has a kind word, motivating me to write faster. Also I really would like to see a pink cat in space before I die (as long as no animals are harmed in the sending of said cat into space).**

**To the guest who prefers Mad Queen and to Darklori who is invested in a happy outcome: This story has grown out of all proportion (it was supposed to be 3 chapters) thus I have been strongly leaning to an OQ happy ending (after all this effort and torture of Regina it seemed cruel to deny her a love life). However, I just got around to watching the premiere and whilst I think Regina behaved impeccably, I was heinously disappointed with Robin, so much so that I now question whether or not he deserves her!****My ending is still not written and I am once again fence sitting.****If this was real life, she could do so much better.****But thank god for fiction.****It's a 50/50 split at the moment.**

**And to TheMidnightPoet – I hope this reaches you in time to avoid reading Twilight. No one's brain should rot that way.**

**As always, this is unbetaed, all mistakes are my own. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

When the weekend comes around Regina learns that Hook has promised to teach Henry how to sail. When Roland hears this he insists he too be allowed to learn. Regina has her misgivings about the strange man in black leather with the hook for a hand teaching her son and Roland anything but Emma had agreed and Robin doesn't object so they all head down to the wharf.

The scene is chaotic when they arrive. Apparently Emma wasn't as trusting as she had first appeared and she, Snow, David and Neal had tagged along to watch. The family had set up camp on the wharf and were watching the sailing lesson with great amusement. Another big man who Robin called Little John was also clambering all over the boat, awkward and ungainly. Robin and the kids headed straight to the boat and Regina settled down next to David to watch the spectacle.

David shoots her a look which she interprets as, "Are you okay?"

She nods at him slightly and he grins, pleased that their non-verbal friendship remains intact even though there is no logical reason why it should. He nudges her shoulder with his, gesturing out to the harbour where the boom was flailing wildly causing everyone on board to duck to avoid being tossed overboard. They chuckle together, just a little evilly, enjoying the would-be sailors' discomfort.

She raises an eyebrow at him, looking over at the seagoing menfolk.

"I much prefer dry land," he answers.

They watch as Hook instructs his 'crew' on proper sailing procedure, barking out orders to tighten that rope and to loosen another. Someone has had the sense to outfit Henry and Roland in life jackets for which Regina is grateful. She can hear Hook explaining that with the wind the way it is they will need to tack and jib to get out of the harbour, indicating the ropes on either side of the sail boat.

She can see Little John's eyes glazing over and Robin settling himself comfortably at the back of the boat, his enjoyment at watching the kids apparent. "Okay let's go for a practice run," Hook calls, eyeing the wharf spectators balefully.

Henry starts to loosen one rope and Little John helps Roland tighten the other but they get their timing wrong the and boom starts flailing again, this time knocking an unsuspecting Hook right off the boat. Roland and Henry start laughing and it's all Robin can do not to join in. Hook surfaces a second later, swearing under his breath and paddling back over to the boat. Little John helps pull him aboard and he declares, "Lesson over for today!" before nudging the boat back towards its moorings and tying her off. He then kicks them all off and disappears down into the cabin in search of dry clothes, all the while still muttering under his breath.

This time, when Regina and David share a laugh at Hook's expense there is nothing innocent about it.

* * *

After Robin takes the boys for ice cream, Regina wanders through down town Storybrook on her own, needing some time and space to gather her thoughts. She is acutely aware that she has only existed for a week and so far she has accepted everything she has been told and the people in her life with casual grace and a distinct lack of curiosity. She feels safe with these people and she instinctively trusts them not to hurt her. A chill runs up her spine as this occurs to her and she stops puzzled at the sensation.

She looks up and sees a shop that looks to be half way between an old fashioned general goods store and a pawn shop. She opens the door slowly and finds the tinkle of the bell strangely comforting.

"I was wondering when you would come to see me, my dear," Mr Gold said quietly from the behind the counter.

Regina stared silently at the man whose visit to her in hospital was so odd, the strange shop and all its goods. She saunters around the premises slowly, calculatingly. She comes to a stop in front of the proprietor and asks softly but firmly, "You seem to know me well. What aren't they telling me?"

"Ah," Rumple exhales the sound.

"So there is something?" she says as if confirming it for herself.

"Oh there are so many somethings, dearie, I would hardly to know where to begin," he said flippantly. At this moment, Belle slips in from the back of the shop.

"Don't, please, Rumple. I know your instinct is trivialise and devalue things that make you uncomfortable but please don't do that now. Regina deserves more than that," she pleaded. He nodded at her and kissed her forehead.

"Right as always, my love." Belle grasped Regina's arm comfortingly and then grabbed her coat and left, giving the old pair their privacy.

"So tell me," Regina invited. Rumple gestured to the sofa at the back of the shop and proceeded to give Regina a run-down of her life from the moment he met her until present day. She didn't interrupt him once, she just let him speak. If she was surprised about how honest he was in detailing their past encounters she didn't show it. He made reference to his own reasons and use of her in creating the Evil Queen and didn't shy away from admitting how he had manipulated every thread that he could in order to find his son.

"So you made me?"

He paused and stared at her. He wasn't sure how to respond. She didn't sound angry or disgusted just genuinely curious. As badly as he had treated her and used her over the years he didn't feel like he could claim all the credit for her murderous reign. To do so would negate her free will and make her less than she was.

"I've spoken to Victor about your condition. We were trying to come up with a treatment plan to aid in the return of your memories." She looked slightly startled at the change of topic but didn't interrupt him. "He told me something rather interesting. Apparently, those who come out of their fugue state have no memory of what occurred during the time they spent disassociated." He paused, for dramatic effect, she though rather snidely. "I will answer your question but only once. You have to decide whether I tell you now or after you get your memories back."

"After everything you have told me, how can I trust you to keep your word should I get my memories back?"

"Because if that is what you choose I will make it a deal and I never break my deals."

She considered it for a half a second. "Tell me now."

"If you are sure, Regina, then I will give you all the answers that I can but you will forget them once your memories return." He waves away the beginning of her protestation, "yes, yes you may never get them back but your beau seems remarkably determined and though the path of true love may not run smooth, it does run hard and uncompromisingly at any impediment put in its place. So, did I make you what you were?" he stood and paced, swaying from one side of the room to the other.

"Yes. I played on every fear you had, every negative thought, every angry emotion I could get my hands on."

A few steps. "No. You carried the pain and rage within yourself. It was consuming you from the inside out heedless of any outside interference."

A few steps back. "Yes. I gave you the magical tools that would blacken your soul beyond redemption and encouraged you to use them, knowing that every time you did, it would bind you further to the darkness."

A shuffle. "No. I didn't make you. Sometimes I think I broke you. Other times I think I might have saved you, from yourself, given you the freedom to get away from the life dictated to you. Without me, without an outlet for the rage, I suspect that your pain would have turned inwards and you might have harmed only yourself. I sometimes think that I gave you strength, to learn how to fight back, how to pick yourself up when you get knocked down over and over again."

He sat back next to her on the sofa and gently, hesitantly, took her hand. "But I am being fanciful. Who really knows? What happened, happened and we cannot change our pasts. But for what it is worth… I am sorry for the pain I have caused you. I am sorry because I… care for you," he stuttered, looking away from her and clearly his throat nervously.

"Do you know why I lost my memories?"

"No. Truly I do not. I wish I did for it might help reverse their loss."

She squeezed his hand. And that was that.

* * *

She walks out of the shop and down the road with a slight smile on her face and a skip in her step. Finally, someone had unveiled the monster within. She had known from the meaningful glances and pregnant pauses that her life had been far from charmed but she hadn't quite realised just how horrible she had been. It made her even more appreciative for the kindness she had been shown over the past week and had gone a long way to explaining some of the strange, fearful and occasionally angry glances that had been shot her way.

She finally feels like she knows enough of her past life to welcome the tabula rasa she has been given. Maybe knowing what happened without feeling the pain of it is enough. Why should she feel guilty for things that she can't remember doing?

A woman is walking toward her and in the spirit of embracing her new found freedom she smiles and says 'hello' as if greeting a complete stranger weren't completely abnormal.

The woman stops and glares at her. "Don't you know who I am?" she demands.

Regina rocks back slightly but holds out her hand for a handshake and says, "No, I'm afraid I have recently suffered a head trauma and have no memory beyond the last week. I'm Regina."

Marian looks at her hand as if it is covered with the foulest of slimy poisons. Regina gets the hint and drops her hand. "Not someone I got along with, then?" she asks somewhat ruefully. Out of the corner of her eye she can see a short, rough looking man leaning against the wall. 'Good' she thinks savagely. 'A witness to my inevitable humiliation. Why on earth did I think this was a good idea?'

"No," Marian said sarcastically. "Not someone you got on with."

"Yes, well get on with it," Regina gestured impatiently. "Tell me of your grievances."

"You nearly killed me!" Marian screeched, unable to control herself.

"Did I? Yes, I've just been given a potted version of my history and it seems that I did that a lot. I understand my past self wasn't quite as well restrained as I am today," she said lightly, but with warning.

"Are you threatening me?" Marian asked incredulously.

"Of course not. I am merely pointing out that if were still as I once was you might not be so bold in confronting me." She moved to step past her, unwilling to continue a conversation with someone who clearly disliked her.

"He's married, you know? Married to me. We have a child together. You're sleeping with a married man!" Marian yelled the last sentence at Regina's back.

She turned slowly, "Marian? That is your name, right?" It was Marian's turn to reel back, disbelief etched onto her face.

"He told you?" she whispered.

"He told me he was married and that the marriage was over. Was he lying?" she looked Marian straight in the eye as she spoke. "Well, was he?" Regina asked impatiently at Marian's hesitance, her royal blue eyes blazing.

"No. He did not lie."

"When why would you have me believe that I was tearing apart a marriage?"

"I… I…" Marian stuttered.

Regina took pity on her and cut her off. "Robin is staying with me but I am not sleeping with him. Your son is adorable. He is such a happy, engaging little boy and you should be so proud of him," unaware that Marian had done little to raise him. "I enjoy his company and would not want discourteous words between us to prevent me from seeing him. Can we be civil?" she asked, holding out her hand towards Marian again.

Marian was speechless, though she soon gathered her wits, nodded her head and shook Regina's hand quickly. Then she took off up the high street, moving as fast as she could without running.

Leroy had been eavesdropping on the entire conversation. "Nice one, sister."

"Don't you have anything better to do?" she snarked at him. He grinned broadly and bowed mockingly.

* * *

That night a blizzard overtook Storybrook covering the town in a blanket of white, fluffy snow. Rumpelstiltskin and Emma worked overtime to try and melt the unseasonal flurries but were ultimately fighting a losing battle. They needed Regina's stronger mix of dark and light magic to really make a dent in the snow.

Robin left Regina at home with Henry and Roland building snowmen in the backyard. He headed over to Granny's to meet with the informal town council about the latest weather development. Entering, he shook the snow off his jacket and gratefully accepted a hot cup of coffee.

"Ok, let's see it," Mr Gold said cutting to the chase.

"See what?"

"Regina's heart. You did bring it, didn't you?"

"I carry it with me always," Robin said reverentially. Putting down his mug, he gently pulled her heart from his pocket and showed to it those assembled. Gold reached out for it but Robin retracted, "you may look, but you cannot touch," he warned.

Rumple sneered at him but began visually inspecting the heart closely. It was truly remarkable and he appeared nonplussed at what he saw. "It's amazing," he muttered.

"What? C'mon, don't keep us in suspense," Charming said. "Is it healed enough to put back in?"

"What? No!" Robin exclaimed. "She isn't well enough."

"Unless you are completely dumb and blind and haven't noticed what is going on in this town you will realise that we need Regina's magic to combat whatever force we are facing. This snow storm is very likely just the beginning and Miss Swan and I cannot fight against this by ourselves. We need Regina's magic and without her memories she cannot perform the smallest of spells. Putting her heart back is our only chance. You should be proud of yourself. Look, it is halfway healed and looks stronger than ever. The darkness has receded even further and the break is knitting together nicely. I am amazed you accomplished this much in so short a time period."

Robin shook his head. "I don't think it was me. As ever, I think that lady is saving herself. Her encounters with all of you over the past week seem to have lightened her heart and lifted her spirit. When I speak to it of what Regina had done that day it seems to hear and glow brighter. The next morning it is always just a little bit better."

"You talk to her heart?" Hook asked mockingly.

Robin flushed and didn't answer though Gold looked at him consideringly.

"Will it hurt her, to put it back in?" Snow asked.

Gold shrugged. "If her memories return then she will likely end up reliving them so yes in that sense they will hurt. If you are asking if putting her heart back in will kill her then the answer is no. Physically, she will fine."

David asked the question they were all thinking. "And mentally?"

Gold shrugged again. "We can only hope."

"That's not good enough," Robin argued.

"It's all we've got. We don't know what happened to break Regina but we have to hope that whatever strength she has gained in this last week or so will give her power to take control. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met. We have to trust that she can overcome."

"It's too soon," Robin said.

Snow came forward then. "Robin, I think it will always be too soon for you. Dr Whale said that is she regains her memories she will lose her time from the fugue state. Are you sure you aren't just holding on to that?" She was gentle but firm in her words.

"And aren't we being selfish, pulling the old Regina back for her magic when she is so much happier and freer now? If this was about what was best for her you would consider leaving her as is," he shouted.

"Robin, you know Regina. She wouldn't want to live in a world without Henry. All him from, from the first time she saw him."

Robin deflated. He knew this was true. "Very well. Tonight, when she is asleep I will put her heart back."

"Why not now?" Emma asked.

"Do you want to explain to her why she doesn't have her heart in her body? She has accepted everything we have told her but this is just too left field."

Emma nodded. "Are you ok to… you know?"

"I've done it before," he replied. "I can do it again. You'd better take Henry tonight and I will get Marian to take Roland. I don't want them around for this."

* * *

**This chapter was supposed to be all about Rumple and Marian, but as always, my favourite bits are the lesser important ones, like her chat with David and interaction with Leroy. In the next chapter, Regina gets her memories back… but loses her fugue time.**


	15. Awaken and Arise c1

**As you can see I have amended the title. When I started this story it was supposed to be short and sweet, Regina loses her mind, THE END. ****But plot ideas kept coming and it seemed cruel after breaking her not to try and fix her.****S o the new title reflects the path of the story and the three different versions of Regina that we get. ****Old, damaged Regina followed by shiny, new, ignorant Regina and now finally grown up, confident, phoenix Regina.**

**A very big thank you for all the wonderful kind words and reviews I received on the last chapter. Especially weirland2006 who reminded me to be the change you want to see. ****A few others reminded me that Robin looked like he was suffering in the premiere episode so that's what I am going to do. I**** made Regina suffer for 8 or so chapters… time for karmic retribution.****Only through suffering comes enlightenment… or in this case maybe a happily ever after.**

**Darklordred, I am very much team Regina too.**

**Juliette101, getting carried away in the reading is one of the highest accolades a writer can hope for.**

**RosePetal7, glad you overcame your misgivings and joined the party – it looks like it's all going to be okay. Just not yet. **

* * *

Robin arrived back home with a heavy heart. He watched from the kitchen as Henry and Roland romped around in the snow, Regina watching them indulgently. His perfect family. He had finally seen the light and gotten everything he had ever wanted. And it was all about to come crashing down. He sighed, put the takeaway he had gotten from Granny's in the fridge and went upstairs to grab a few of Roland's things. After Emma had collected Henry and he had dropped Roland off at the farmhouse Robin went about setting up a romantic dinner for two. He reheated the take away from Granny's, opened a decent bottle of red and set everything up in front the fire he had lit. Regina came down from her shower casually dressed in her hidden stash of soft linen, damp haired and barefoot.

"Should I have dressed up?" she asked teasingly upon seeing his labours.

"Milady, you are lovely as you are," he said gallantly pouring her wine.

"If I didn't know any better I would say that you were trying to seduce me," she ventured.

Robin smiled. "Regina, were I a lesser man or if I loved you any less, you would be correct. But as it is, consider this an opening gambit in proving how much I love you."

She felt flushed and her stomach gave a little a leap at his words. He smiled kindly at her knowing that she wasn't really used to this sort of romantic attention. He led her to her seat and began serving her dinner. They ate in silence, listening to the fire crackle and pop. When they were done, Robin pushed the plates away and pulled Regina into his arms, her back against his chest, reclining them on the sofa. "Tell me about your afternoon in the snow with boys," he invited whispering into her ear.

She laughed softly and began regaling him with Roland and Henry's antics. He let her words wash over him as he buried his face in her hair. He tightened his arms around her securing her to him more fully. She sighed and they fell back into silence, her head lolling against his shoulder. He placed a gentle kiss on column of her neck and she sighed contentedly. He gently and slowly trailed kisses up her neck, his last one landing softly just under her ear. His thumb stroked her palm where their hands were joined. Regina twisted in his arms, angling her face towards his, her lips slightly parted in supplication. He kissed her lightly, brushing his lips over hers like a warm breeze. She tangled a hand in his hair pulling him closer and kissing him again, letting her lips linger on his. Robin groaned and feeling his good intentions fly out the proverbial window, he gripped her tighter, sliding one hand into her hair, he kissed her properly. She opened her mouth eagerly sliding her tongue tantalisingly against his and pulling him closer, ever closer to her.

Robin tightened his grip on her hair and gently pulled her back, slowing the tempo of the kiss. She looked up at him with glassy eyes and he cursed himself for being the world's biggest fool for giving all this up. "Perhaps we had better call it a night and go to bed?" he said huskily.

Her eyes lit up and he had to clarify, "I meant our separate beds." Regina dimmed a little and he tilted her face up to his kissing her gently but briefly. "We are not going to rush this," he told her seriously. "Besides, you might feel differently in the morning," he added sadly.

"I don't know why I would but if you want to take things slowly then I will wait."

They walked upstairs. Robin held onto her hand, unwilling to let go of this last moment where she didn't completely despise him. They had reached her bedroom door and hovered in the threshold. Regina looked up at him and murmured, "Goodnight." She leaned up resting a hand on his shoulder and kissed him gently, her lips clinging to his as she moved to step back away from him.

Robin's brain exploded. He pushed her against the wall, one hand sliding through her hair to hold onto the back of her neck and other scooped around her back, sliding down to her arse cupping her to him. He kissed her furiously and passionately and with everything he had in him. She moaned in surprise but didn't resist his amorous onslaught. Braced as she was against the wall and with Robin's body pressing into her, she slid one leg slowly up his calf to wind firmly around his hip, pressing him even closer into her. "God, I love you," he muttered, tearing his lips from hers and placing a series of frantic kisses down her neck.

She rocked against him, moaning at his touch. She slipped a hand under his shirt and stroked his back needing to feel his naked skin. He groaned at the sensation of her hand upon his skin and raised his head to kiss her again, stealing her breath and forcing her head back so that he could better plunder her mouth. She whimpered and rocked her hips against his erection forcing another rumble from deep within him. He pulled back from her just enough to see her and yet still share breath, his hand pressing on her lower back so that he can grind his hardness more deliciously accurately against her softness. He wants to suspend this moment in time, where she is open and he decisive and they are together enjoined by the moment. He watches her eyes dilate as he deliberately angles her body so that he rubs against her most sensitive place enjoying when her breathing turns ragged. He lingers but he can see she is growing frustrated and about to push for something that he isn't able to give her, not without her full memories.

He gently lowers her leg and releases his grip on her hair. He kisses her one last time and steps back, bidding her a good night. She gives him a confused, frustrated look but she slips into her bedroom and closes the door without another word. In the privacy of the guest room he spends his last hours with her heart pouring out every memory, every feeling, everything he can that might heal her heart just a little bit more. Hours later when the house is completely silent he pads into her room.

He can see her in the dim light from the street. She is on her back, one hand thrown above her head, her hair spilling across the pillow and one cheek. The covers are messed up as if sleep hadn't come easily to her but she is asleep now, her breath coming deep and even. Robin's hand is shaking as he leans over her to brush her hair gently away from her face. Tears sting his eyes and he has to take a moment to reel in the frantic beating of his own heart. Cradling her heart gently, he kisses it one last time and places it on her chest. Bracing himself, he leans forward over her and presses down gently her heart sliding back into her chest without resistance. His heart skips a beat as he waits and she gasps, her eyes shocked open, flashing brilliantly blue. He can see the confusion and a myriad of other emotions flash across her face as she reconnects to her heart. She jack knifes up off the mattress and into his waiting arms. He holds her close and tightly, murmuring nonsense sounds of comfort as she shakes and gasps and suffers through every returned memory. He is still holding her hours later when the sun comes and she finally pulls back from him, her warm and naturally brown eyes staring up at him tremulously.

"What… what happened?" she croaks her voice hoarse and weak.

"You had an accident about a week ago. We aren't sure what happened to you but you were found passed out on the street. You had lost all of your memories. You were hospitalised for a few days and then released into my care here. This was about a week ago," he kept her in his arms expecting her to pull away from him at any minute but she stayed and he rubbed her back gently, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"You put my heart back in." It was a statement not a question.

Robin nodded. "It was healing well and… well Rumpelstiltskin and Emma need your help with the ongoing ice problem."

"John told you? Of course he did," she said quietly.

"He didn't betray you. We were frantic when you collapsed. We didn't know what had happened to you. He had to tell us. After he examined you Rumpelstiltskin knew that your heart was missing."

"I never wanted you to see that."

"I have had your heart with me since John relinquished it. There is nothing to hide."

"Why are you here? Why was I released into your care?" she asked timidly not sure she wanted to hear his answer.

Robin wasn't sure how much to say, how much to lay on her at this time. So he simply replied, "Because I wanted to. I want to be here. I want to be with you." She pushed him away then and he sighed knowing that he had said too much. 'In for a penny, in a pound,' he thought. "I was already coming back to you before the accident and when you have had time to process everything I hope you will give me leave to explain my actions, or rather the lack of them, these past few months. But you should know that Marian and I are separated and we will not be reconciling. I realise that you may never be able to trust me again enough to let me back into your life but I will do whatever I can to ensure your happiness. Whoever that may be with. I love you, Regina. I hope that one day I can make you believe me." She doesn't move and she doesn't react to his words and he can see in her eyes that she does not believe him.

He steps into her en-suite and runs a hot bath for her. She is still sitting stiffly on the bed when he comes back into bedroom. He gently helps her to her feet and leads her into the bathroom. "Go on, have a nice warm bath. I'm going to give Snow a call. I don't think you want me around at the moment but I would prefer not to leave you alone."

She nods and he leaves her, with one last lingering glance.

* * *

She spends the next few days trying to rebalance. Snow had forced her into going to the hospital for a check-up with Dr Whale. He is surprised at her recovery and gives her a clean bill of health. When he asks if she knows what caused her collapse she shrugs and evades with a noncommittal, "I felt overwhelmed." He stares hard at her but doesn't offer comment for which she is thankful. She doesn't want to have to go into detail, especially in front of Snow, that the reality of Robin expanding his family had sent her into a tail spin. He does ask that she show him her heart so that he could inspect the organ more closely before signing her out. She was reluctant to do so, to see it broken and battered as it had been when she had taken it out but at Snow's encouraging nod she sighed and did as Victor had requested.

She was amazed to see how much it had healed and quite frankly how beautiful it now looked. Sure it was still partially broken but the white of the break and the dark of the base gave her heart contrast and a certain grace. She wiped away a tear at the sight of it, stunned that such a thing could belong to her.

"Hmm… Robin did an impressive job in the last week," Whale muttered as he viewed the heart from all angles. "It seems to be healing nicely. Tell him to keep it up."

"What do you mean? What does Robin have to with my heart?"

Snow rubbed her shoulder comfortingly. "Regina, Robin has barely left your side since you collapsed and lost your memories. In fact, he collapsed and passed out when you did like he was linked to your pain. When he came to he rushed straight to you and when John showed us your heart, Robin took possession of it and swore to heal it for you." She gestured at the organ. "Given it's only been a week, he has done a pretty fine job of it."

"Robin knew I had collapsed? Felt it?"

"Must be a soul mate thing," Whale offered.

"You know about that?" Regina felt like the wind had been knocked out of her.

"Robin was precise and unambiguous in defining your relationship. He would brook no argument and took full responsibility for your situation." Snow looked pleased that Regina and Robin had found their way back to each other.

"Responsibility?" Regina looked crestfallen.

"Oh, Regina, no. No, I didn't mean it like that," Snow hurriedly added.

"He felt my pain," she mused absently stuffing her heart back in her chest. "I see."

"Do you? Because Robin loves you, Regina. With his very soul, he loves you."

"He has no choice but to love me. When I fell, he had no choice but to feel my pain. When my heart was broken he felt responsible and compelled to heal it. But when he had a choice, when Marian returned and he could've chosen to stay with me, he didn't. The one time he was master of his own free will he didn't choose me. Just because we are predestined soul mates, Snow, doesn't mean that I will accept being second choice, second best. Or worse, chosen because it is easier to resign himself to his soul mate than to fight against the inevitability of what has been predestined. No, Snow. Robin and I, whatever it is, it's not for me. I think I am done trying to have a part of my life that is romantic. I am too old for this."

"What are you talking about? You are still young."

"In looks maybe, but Snow I have lived an entire lifetime with only a handful of moments of romantic love during all those years. A few months with Daniel, a few moments with Robin. That is the entire sum of my knowledge of romantic love. I think maybe it's time that I focused my energies, my love, on other aspects of my life. Aspects that have played out better for me in the long run."

"You can't just turn your back on love, not now that it is finally real and in front of you."

"Perhaps not. It's still all confusing. I remember everything that has ever happened to me, everything that I have ever done. I can feel my past memories but they no longer weigh on me like they once did. And whilst I remember nothing of the last week, I have these feelings, these images like something that might just make sense if I can grasp it long enough." Regina shook her head. "I don't know."

Snow hugged her. "It's okay. You don't have to have all the answers right away. Give it some time. Let your heart tell you what it wants."

Regina smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. Snow's optimism was frustrating and she was in no mood to continue arguing the point. Whatever Snow believed, Regina was fairly sure she was done with romantic love.

* * *

**Hope you liked it! This one was fun to write.**

**Next up, magic, more Robin and Jefferson, oh my!**


	16. Awaken and Arise c2

**Apologies for the delay in updating. RL gave me a massive serving the last week or so and I am playing catch up on pretty much everything at the moment.****Here is a longer update that I hope will satisfy and make up for the time delay.****Please note that Regina is still under the impression that Marian is pregnant.**

**May P – very likely only another 2 or 3 chapters. We are almost at the end.**

**Overlordred – SORRY! Stupid oversight which goes to show that I shouldn't operate heavy machinery or update when I am half asleep.****The angst should be of a gentler variety from here on out.**

**Lulu2613 – don't watch Scandal but love the line you quoted - hopefully I will make my Robin worthy of my Regina!**

**MelindaMariaSong – you make some very good arguments! Stay tuned!**

**Also, it has been mentioned that some extra steamy scenes would not be unappreciated… I don't think I am much good at writing satisfying sex scenes but I will give it a crack if there is an opportunity for it to be written into the current plot line. No promises.**

* * *

Using her clean bill of health as ammunition to be left on her own, Regina left Snow to her son and went looking for Rumple and Emma to discuss the blizzard that had overcome Storybrook. The three of them trekked out into the forest where the worst of the snow seemed to be and used their powers in unison, Regina combining Rumple's dark magic with Emma's light magic and entwining it with her own special mixture. The results were fairly spectacular and the powerful, amped up magic blasted the blizzard out of existence in one pulsing wave.

Emma, still unused to the shockwaves of magic was knocked off her feet. Shaking her head she forced herself to stand, "Wow. Guess those old notions of the rule of three weren't kidding."

"_Omne_ _trium perfectum_," Rumple recited.

Regina translated for Emma, "Everything that comes in threes is perfect, or… more pertinently, complete."

"Three has always held great power. Triple goddesses, the holy trinity, three tends to come up a lot in mythology," Rumple explained.

"Did you know this would happen?" Regina questioned him.

"Not for sure. But the thought had occurred to me after I saw that you could wield both light and dark magic. As long as we three are in agreement, the protection of Storybrook from now on should not be a problem. When we work together our magic is quite literally phenomenal." He glanced slyly at Regina. "It might also help build that portal you have been working on with the Hatter."

"What?" Emma looked scared. "What portal? I thought were we done with portals!"

"No, dear. This one isn't for any nefarious purpose. Jefferson and I have been trying to create a steady and continuous portal back to the Enchanted Forest. For those that may want to return to their other lives. But also as an escape route from Storybrook should we ever need one again. Though," she said looking around, "Seeing how our well our magic works together, defence of this land might be a hell of lot easier now."

Emma relaxed. "So it could be a portal to a vacation spot? Like, take two weeks and visit the Enchanted Forest?"

"Sure, why not?" Regina answered sardonically sharing a bemused look at Rumple.

"I… I mean, it might be nice to take a family holiday there, you know?" Emma stammered. "See what life might've been like…" she trailed off.

Regina felt something shift inside of her and she moved to grasp Emma's arm in comfort. "Yes, dear. Maybe it's not such a bad idea. We could teach you and Henry to ride properly," she offered feeling a wave of sadness for Emma's lost childhood, a feeling she was sure she hadn't felt before her fugue state. "There are some great riding trails that go on for days."

"And maybe we can climb some more trees, you know, find the best Enchanted Forest one," Emma enthused.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Tree climbing. You know, you and me and Henry, the other day?"

"I'm afraid I don't. I have no memory of the last week."

Emma looked saddened and bemused and then excited. "Then you have no idea of what you are missing out on. C'mon," she grabbed Regina's hand to lead her off to their perfect tree climbing tree.

* * *

When Regina returns home she notices that Robin has moved his things out of the guestroom. Unsure of how she feels about this development she wanders out to the apple tree and sits down under its leafy branches. The sun is warm and dapples through the leaves shining brightly now that the snow and clouds have been blasted away. She closes her eyes and drinks in the serenity of her environment trying to reconcile what she feels in her heart and what she knows in her head. Something has changed in her since she regained her memories and she can't reconcile what it is but she feels better, lighter and more confident. She no longer wishes to blast Emma into oblivion but feels _something_ for her, something like solidarity and understanding. She assumes her earlier tree climbing expedition may have had something to do with this, given how much she had enjoyed it today. She doesn't feel like the scared little girl her mother had tormented and she doesn't feel trapped like she did in Leopold's castle. She realises she finally doesn't feel heartbroken and wonders what could have happened in a week to make her feel like this.

Opening her eyes she sees Robin standing before her and has to blink a few times to make sure he isn't a mirage. He sits down in front of her a few paces away so as not to intrude on her reverie.

"You've moved out," she commented.

"I thought to give you some time and some space to process everything. Little John's cabin is finally finished so I shall be staying with him for a while. I truly hope my presence won't stop you from visiting him. He has grown very fond of you," Robin spoke deferentially. "Of course I hope in the future to be invited back into your home."

"Not back with Marian?"

"No. Our marriage is over," he said simply.

"So you've said."

"You doubt my constancy? I understand. Time will prove the truth of it and I do not wish to badger you with words that I know you will not believe."

"Then you are here because?"

"I didn't want to leave without letting you know I fully intend to come back. I know you don't remember this last week, but you and me, and Henry and Roland, we were a family. And it was marvellous. It was like all the pieces of the jigsaw had finally come together and everything just felt _right_."

At her wince he stopped fearing that she would think he was deliberately rubbing salt into old wounds. "I know what I want Regina. I've seen how good we are together _and_ as a family. And I'll work for it. I'll wait as long as I have to for you to be ready, for you to trust me again. But Roland won't. He has grown very fond of you and the time you two spent together this week is fresh in his mind. He won't understand why things have changed. So please, I ask you for Roland, to not banish him from your life."

She swallowed. He sounded so sure, so determined. 'He couldn't know that Marian was pregnant,' she thought. 'He would not be so resolute if he knew.' Shaking that thought aside, she considered his question and nodded. "Of course, I would be happy to see Roland whenever he wants."

"Thank you, milady," Robin said rising gracefully. He bent over her, took her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist softly, his lips gently caressing her flesh and lingering just long enough to make her shudder from the sensation. Giving her hand one last squeeze he relinquished his grip and departed, leaving Regina feeling even more conflicted. She sighed and slumped back against her tree, her euphoria from her earlier tree climb completely dissipated.

* * *

She spends the next two days at the office ostensibly catching up but she is also mentally and emotionally regrouping. Things have changed for her and she wants to figure out what it is she wants before she does anything drastic. She somehow feels like she has been given a fresh start and she doesn't want to waste it. She is tapping a pen absently against her desk and staring into space when Jefferson shows himself into her office.

"Hello, old girl."

She startles drops her pen and scowls at his greeting. "Careful, Hatter, it seems I've got my mojo back and I well remember what you divulged at Granny's. Less of the '_old'_, please."

"I was just trying to get a reaction out of you, my most forgiving majesty." She snorted inelegantly but didn't rise to the bait.

"What are you doing here, Jefferson?" she asked bluntly.

"Well word on the street is that you not only have your mojo back but have significantly amped up the scale of fire power. We can use that for our portal. You know power regulation was one of our main issues. From what I understand, a lack of power is not going to be a problem anymore."

"We'll have to get Rumple and Emma to agree, but no, power won't be an issue. We can imbue a crystal and attach it to the portal's event horizon which should stabilise the portal indefinitely."

"Excellent," Jefferson rubbed his hands together.

"Just so you know, you look as if you are plotting something less than noble when you do that," she noted.

"I'm just looking forward to going back," he confessed.

"You'd move back? Permanently?" she was surprised.

"Yes, I think I will. Grace can come and visit when she likes and still have a life here. But for me, I miss the life there. My magic doesn't work as well here but from the Enchanted Forest I can restore my equilibrium. Yes, in the short term at least, I will go back. I want… I want to feel that peace again, before all the crazy."

She laughs at him but without malice. "It's a funny coincidence, you and me. I feel like I've been given a second chance, a clean slate to live my life however I so choose. You know, when I first came up with the idea of an open portal between Storybrook and the Enchanted Forest it was with the hope that Marian would want to move back there so I wouldn't have to see her and Robin play happy families in my town. Now, I think I might be the one to move back. The Enchanted Forest is the scene of some of my most horrific memories. Maybe it's time I went back there and made some new memories, better ones."

"And what of your soul mate? The lord protector and guardian of your broken heart? He of the jealous scowl and forest fresh scent? Surely you won't leave him behind and I can't see him abandoning his men or his son."

"Why does everyone assume that Robin and I are back together? He is married. He has a wife."

"I thought that the marriage was over."

"So he says but it does not change the immutable fact that his wife is alive, here in Storybrook and for the last three months has been living, breathing and god knows what else with him, whilst I have had barely a word from him before my accident. It took me over thirty years to forgive Snow White for Daniel's death so why does everyone presume that because he spent a week taking pity on an amnesiac woman that I am just going to roll over and pretend as though the last few months didn't happen?"

"Oh, Regina," Jefferson sighed. "Even I can see he loves you."

"And you are old enough and experienced enough to know that sometimes love isn't enough," she snapped.

Jefferson changed tack. "Going back to the Enchanted Forest is a tad extreme, though, even for you. What on earth would you do there? Watch grass grow?"

Her face softened. "Well I wouldn't go back to that bloody castle," she said. "Once upon a time, Daniel and I were planning on living a simple life. It might be nice to take a cottage somewhere remote. Somewhere peaceful and quiet," she trailed off.

Jefferson choked on his laughter. "It's a nice idea, darling, but let's be honest. You would be bored in a week and going out of your mind in two. Whatever you may have wanted when you were a girl isn't going to satisfy you now, not after all these years."

She shrugged. "It's an idea. One of several I am considering."

"Well, you still owe me a dinner. Let me take you out and I can shoot more holes in your plan to retreat to a peasant woman's cottage in the Enchanted Forest. You remember? It's the land without indoor plumbing or hot water?" He stood and gathered up her coat holding it out expectantly.

She laughed and acquiesced to his suggestion.

* * *

Robin is coming out of Granny's when he sees them walking down the street, Regina's arm tucked into Jefferson's. She is laughing merrily at something Jefferson was saying and he has to steady himself against the railing and catch his breath at the sharp pain in his heart. He tells himself he had to expect this, that he wants Regina's happiness even if it doesn't include him but he can't help the white hot surge of jealousy that burns through him demanding he go over there and steal Regina away. He swallows down his disappointment and reminds himself that Regina isn't a prize to be won.

Instead he is over at her house first thing in the morning with Roland in tow. He lets himself in and sets about making breakfast and getting Henry's stuff ready for the school run. All the while he is keeping an ear out for any sounds of foreign masculine invasion in what he still considers to be his domain and trying to keep Roland entertained. He hears noises on the landing and prepares himself for an angry tirade but first down is Henry who does a quick double take at seeing Roland and Robin at home in the kitchen but grins when he has processed that the family he had for the last week was still around and fighting to exist.

Robin is serving Henry up breakfast when Regina comes down looking bewildered, cautious and a trifle unnerved. He hands her coffee before she can speak and encourages the kids to keep the conversation and appearance of normalcy up. He wants Regina to see what they had last week and what their future could look like.

"You look far too pleased with yourself," she whispered so the children couldn't hear.

"And you look tired, milady. Up late were we?" he asked fishing for information.

"Actually, yes I had some work to complete." Robin scrutinised her but couldn't see any signs of a wild and passionate night.

"Mayoral matters?" he asked lightly still trying to get a read on her.

"No, actually. Jefferson and I have been working on trying to open a permanent portal back to the Enchanted Forest and last night I think I may cracked it. I'll need to confer with him on my theory but if I am right then we might be able to make it work by the end of the week. And then mayoral matters will not be a concern anymore."

Robin felt relief flood through him at the knowledge that Jefferson didn't spend the night with Regina. His relief was so palpable that he almost missed her last words.

"Wait, what do you mean?"

She turned to the kids and hurried them up. "C'mon, Henry time to get going. Gather up all your things."

Robin grabbed her arm, gently but firmly, more worried now that she had completely dodged his question. He waited until the kids had left the kitchen before demanding, "What did you mean?"

She glanced up at him and then looked pointedly where is hand was wrapped around her arm. Reluctantly he let her go but barred her way with his frame.

"I intend to resign as mayor. I've had enough of it. It's time to do something else with my life. And when we get the portal working, I may move back to the Enchanted Forest for a time. Try and make peace with my past there." She looked up into Robin's shocked and hurt eyes. "I've been told that you have been kind to me whilst I had lost my memories and seeing as you seem to be living under this delusion that we can be together, a delusion that you included my son in," she said gesturing angrily to the kitchen, "I think it best to tell you that whatever I end up doing with _my_ second chance, it will very likely not include you." She moved around him then. "Please keep this information to yourself for the moment. I wish to explain things to Henry properly when I know precisely how I will proceed."

She left him there in the kitchen, shoulders slumped and his knuckles whitened from where they gripped the bench top.

* * *

A few nights later Regina and Henry made their way over to Snow and David's for their family dinner. She hadn't spoken to Henry about the Enchanted Forest and wanted to gauge his reaction to the portal. "So you know that Jefferson and I have been fine tuning the portal to the Enchanted Forest. How do you feel about it?"

"It'll be cool," Henry enthused. "Like a second home. It would be great to be able to go and see where you grew up and where all the stories took place. I think it's great that you are giving people a chance to go back to their homes if that is what they want."

"And how would you feel if I decided that I wanted to move back there?" she asked tentatively.

"You'd leave me?" he asked. "No, no, don't answer that. I know you wouldn't leave me. This isn't about me, is it?"

She shook her head. "Honey, I would never leave you. I'd come and visit every day if you wanted me to and you could come and see me whenever you wanted. I am not even sure that I want to move back there. But I feel like I have a second chance now and I would like to make the best of it."

"You know, when you lost your memories, Robin and Roland lived with us like a proper family. And, mom, it was pretty great. You looked happy even if you wouldn't admit it. I know that he hurt you but he really does love you. I saw it in how he took care of you that week and I saw it again the other morning."

"Henry, I don't think my future, wherever I end up, will include Robin. I'm sorry, I know you always wanted a big family. I guess it's lucky your other mom can provide one for you."

"Mom, I wanted that big family because I wanted you to have people around you too. And Emma's family is your family too. I'm not going to give up on you and Robin because you're my mom and I love you. I just want you to be happy. But going back to the Enchanted Forest? Mom, you need to stop living in the past."

She hugged him to her. "When did you get so grown up?" she marvelled.

He smirked back at her and they continued up to the loft. As Regina knocked on the door she added, "One other thing. I'm going to resign as mayor."

Snow had just opened the door and caught her last sentence, "You're what? Regina, you can't do that!"

Regina cursed under her breath. That had been intended for Henry's ear only.

"What can't Regina do?" David asked ushering them into the living room.

"She's going to resign as mayor," Snow exclaimed.

"That's not the half of it," Henry added. "She's considering moving back to the Enchanted Forest once the portal is up."

"Henry!" Regina scolded. "That was for your ears only!"

"Sorry, mom, but I think this is a family matter and we should discuss it as a family," Henry explained.

Regina groaned as Snow attached herself to her side and began interrogating her. Regina put up her hands in defence. "It's just an idea. Nothing is set in stone. I've finally learnt that my decisions have far reaching consequences. I won't be making any rash decisions this time around. It is just something I am considering."

"Well, I think it's a bloody awful idea, love," Hook opined.

She glanced at him witheringly. "Who gave you the right to voice an opinion on my life?"

He shrugged unoffended at her malice. "And what of your devoted soul mate?"

"Robin has nothing to do with my decisions," she grit out angrily.

They all looked unconvinced. "Darlin', the man was willing to talk to your heart day and night in the desperate hope that you might remember him. I can't see him letting you go now without a fight." Hook was cynical in his assessment.

"He what?"

"He spoke to your heart, as if it were you," Henry explained. "It responded when we told it we loved you so every night Robin would talk to it, telling it everything you had done that day, how he felt about you. Every morning your heart was a little better."

Regina sat down heavily. She was utterly flabbergasted. Finally, she understood why she felt so different since her collapse. Whatever had happened during her fugue week had changed her, had healed her, even if she didn't remember the specifics of that healing. She was stronger. And apparently she had Robin to thank for that.

"I didn't know," she mumbled.

"He loves you, Regina. _He loves you_." Snow pleaded with her earnestly.

"Yes and a month ago he loved Marian," she snapped back.

"Oh Regina," David sighed compassionately.

"If one more person says '_Oh Regina_' I am going to scream blue murder." She stood and firmly closed the door on the topic of Robin and the Enchanted Forest. "Now, did we come to eat or not?"

Regina could see that whilst Snow would be put off for the moment this conversation was far from over. 'Motivation to complete the portal,' she thought. She met Emma's eyes as they moved to the dining table and she thought she could see something in them that suggested it would be prudent to avoid her as well. Regina wasn't sure she could take any more of the Saviour's guilt or misguided hope. When she glanced at David he just lightly shrugged and she was relieved that at least one of the Charming's wouldn't interfere in her personal life.

* * *

Patches of snow returned the next day so once again the major players met at Granny's. Regina had arrived late to avoid further conversation about moving to the Enchanted Forest with Snow though she could see in the younger woman's eyes a determination not to let the subject drop. She moved quickly to the counter, avoiding both the booth the Charming's were huddled in and the table where Robin and Little John were lounging.

Rumple looked at her intently as if trying to gauge something. Apparently not finding what he was looking for he continued speaking, "As I was saying, it seems that whatever is causing the weather change is back. I can only assume it is a person and not an object as there is no clear pattern to the incidents. I assume no one has met anyone new recently?"

The diner was silent. "Right, well then, remain vigilant. Belle and I will continue to look into who could be behind these weather changes." Regina looked sharply at him then. Something in his tone triggered a warning in her. She was sure he wasn't saying everything that he knew. He met her look, defiant and hard but it also seemed to be asking for her trust. His gaze softened unintentionally and she once again found herself wondering what had changed between them in the week she didn't remember. Whatever it was must've been big because she felt herself nod slightly and let it go.

She turned to order a coffee to go, still hoping to avoid the Charming's. With her back to the room she didn't see Robin make his way over to her as soon as the meeting had adjourned.

"No linen?" he asked lightly running his eyes over her attire.

She raised an eyebrow. "Linen?"

"You know, linen. It's a fabric, wears well, washes soft. You have masses of it hidden in your closet."

"How do you know what's in my closet?" she asked pointedly.

"I snooped," he answered glibly. "When we were living together," she gasps sharply at his choice of words, "I had a proper little look around. Besides you wore it all the time around the house."

She gaped at his audacity.

"I haven't given up on us," he said seriously before bowing slightly and making his way out of the diner.

"Persistent bastard," she muttered under her breath.

"Aye, that he is," Little John agreed sitting next to her at the counter. "When he really knows what he wants." She glared at him. Did everyone think they were entitled to voice opinions about her life?

"No, don't be like that," John said contritely. "I really wasn't going to tell anyone about your heart. But Robin had just collapsed and everyone was worried and I thought it could help."

"Shh, don't," she said putting her hand over his. "I'm not mad at you for that. I think I understand why you had to show them." He squeezed her hand. "But please don't talk to me about Robin."

"Fair enough," he agreed. "It's good to see you up and around. You haven't been for a run since you got better."

"No, I… I suppose I haven't felt the need," she realised. She didn't need to silence the horrible voices in her head by running to exhaustion. They were already quiet. She felt her heart rate increase and her blood began to pump in her ears. "John, what did Robin do when I had amnesia?"

John kept a steady gaze on her. "He put you first," he said simply. And just for moment, Regina believed.

* * *

**Thanks for your patience. Until next time!**


	17. Awaken and Arise c3

**Ok there is probably only one more chapter and maybe an epilogue to go – thanks for everyone who has hung in there with me!**

**Note the rating change for sexual situations.**

**And for the record, Marian is not pregnant, Regina just thinks she is but finally learns the truth in this chapter. I am going to try and not vilify Marian any further – she lost her love, I think that is punishment enough for being written back into the show. **

* * *

"My, my, aren't you a brave one showing up on my doorstep. Whatever can I do for you?" Regina drawled her weight resting casually on the door frame.

Marian swallowed and asked, "May I come in?"

"No, I don't think so. I doubt whatever you have come to say will take that long." Regina didn't budge from the doorway.

"Very well. Last time we spoke you asked if we can be civil and I agree. I too would like to move on from the past, for Roland's sake. All I require is an apology."

"An apology?"

"Yes, I want to hear you say the words."

"Very well. You'll have to forgive me but I don't recall us speaking recently and I most certainly do not remember offering a truce between us. Will that do?" she asked mockingly.

"Do?"

"As an apology," Regina spoke slowly as if to a dunce.

"No. I want to hear you properly apologise for imprisoning me, ordering my execution and keeping me from my family. You asked if we could be civil no longer than a week ago!"

"Ah yes, my little episode. Since regaining my memories my time of amnesia has been forgotten." Regina assessed Marian with her once more penetrating brown eyes. "Civility does seem like a sensible solution, however, if we are all to live together in this town. I understand that I spent some time with Roland over the last week and I would like to maintain that relationship, with your permission?"

"Yes, Roland seems to adore you. And I can't deny that you have a special touch with children. What of Robin?"

"What about him?"

"Do you wish to maintain that relationship as well?"

"Robin is your husband. He is nothing to do with me," Regina said sharply.

"But I'm told he is your soul mate. He was the one that enabled you to regain your memories," Marian looked confused.

"So I have been told."

"And yet you discard him, just like that?" Marian asked scornfully.

Regina straightened her spine and spoke with biting precision. "Just like he did me when he chose you? Not even a word from him for months after you returned. He is not and never was mine to throw away. He may have felt an obligation to aid me but I will not be pitied and I will not be any one's second choice." She leaned forward then, invading Marian's personal space. "Fear not, I shan't be getting in the way of your happily ever after."

"My marriage is over," Marian whispered. "It has been since you collapsed and Robin felt your pain. He told me that he was your soul mate."

"Regardless, once he hears your happy news," she said with a pointed glance at Marian's belly, "I am sure he will come running back to you. He is, after all, a family man at heart."

"My what? Oh, no, I am not pregnant. I had hoped we would extend our family but…" she trailed off blushing. Regina's face went completely blank as her mind raced a mile a minute. It couldn't be, could it? Had she misinterpreted Marian's words? "I had thought that another child would keep Robin and I together, as a family, but he… he wouldn't… he took precautions…" By this time Marian was bright red and asking herself why she was telling all this to the Evil Queen. 'For Robin' she thought 'and Roland. For my boys who for whatever reason love this woman.'

Regina gathered her thoughts. "Regardless, soul mate or not, I would like to believe that we all have a choice in this world. Robin and I may be linked by fate and pixie dust but we can choose to live our lives however we want. He chose you, not me and if he has changed his mind then what's to stop him changing it back again? No, dear, I shan't be trusting in fate again. It doesn't work out for me. I prefer to make my own destiny."

Marian didn't really want to argue the point and maybe Regina was right, maybe Robin would change his mind again and come back to her. Either way, she was done trying to help this woman. "Very well, so we agree to be civil for Roland's sake. And my apology? Will you give me closure on our lives in the Enchanted Forest?"

"No. No, I don't think I will apologise. I am done living in the past. Whatever I did, however I hurt you, I don't really care. Too many years have passed. Too many things have happened to me, to those I have loved. I have no interest in rehashing all the things I cannot change. The one thing I have learned, dear, is that you never really get closure. The story doesn't end when the sun sets or the curtains fall. The only thing that really changes anything is time. Our human memories are weak and forgetful. Some things become brighter whilst other memories fade. How else would it be possible for me to embrace Snow as my daughter again, and she me as her mother? She killed my mother, you know? And I killed her father. Now we are family. Given enough time, I am sure you will find something in your life equally as comforting. Now, in the interests of civility and Roland, I would ask that you please leave now and where possible keep your distance." She waited for Marian's nod of agreement before she executed a perfect turn on her heel and closed the door with her foot.

As soon as the door was closed, Regina slid down the hallway wall and began hyperventilating. 'Marian wasn't pregnant!' she thought to her herself over and over. 'All this time I was sure Robin would leave as soon as he found out but she isn't pregnant and oh god, oh god, I've done nothing but push him away!' her mind wailed as she fought to gain control over her breathing.

'No,' she told herself. 'Stop it, you are stronger than this. Stand up. Stand up right now!' She pulled herself to her feet and took a couple of deep breaths. If Marian wasn't pregnant then…. Regina's mind ran a mile a minute. Suddenly, her future seemed bright again and those dreams she once had didn't seem so far away. She felt that emotion that was so foreign to her well up inside. Hope.

* * *

In the end, she decides to stay in Storybrook. Henry and Jefferson were right. She couldn't keep living in the past and she really didn't like living without hot water or indoor plumbing. She loved Storybrook. This was her town and whatever happened in the future she now felt capable enough to bear it. And now that she had given up the burden of Mayor she felt the freedom of being able to choose her next path with the strength of having overcome her past failings and regrets. She wasn't driven by revenge or hate any longer. Whatever she chose for herself now was chosen with confidence, acceptance and love.

News of the portal spread through the town like wildfire and the current topic of discussion on everybody's lips was 'Who was going to move back?' So far only a few people had declared their intention to relocate to the Enchanted Forest though many were happy at the opportunity to visit on occasion. Discussions had already arisen about how best to facilitate the needs of the new community and the project took on a life of its own with almost everyone in Storybrook wanting to get involved.

To Robin the news that the portal was mere days away felt like a death sentence, a sword of Damocles hanging over his head, an hour glass running out of time. Regina had been acting even stranger that usual around him the last few days and he found she kept staring intensely at him. He didn't dare to believe that she was coming around. But every time he caught her staring she would look away quickly and so far he hadn't been able to decipher the look on her face. Hopeful? Disbelieving? He wasn't sure but something had changed for her and he wanted to find out what.

He had heard the rumours that Jefferson was planning on moving back to the Enchanted Forest permanently and he tormented himself with thoughts of the Hatter and Regina playing happy families together over there. He kept telling himself that Regina's happiness was what mattered and not his but he couldn't still the rampage of red hot jealousy that ran through him at the thought of Regina with another man. He grew surly and became short with everyone around him. He even snapped at Roland who had been asking when he could see 'Gina again. At his son's hurt face, he was immediately contrite, kneeling down to his son's height and apologising. "Roland, I am sorry I snapped at you. I want to see Regina more than anything else too. But she has been through a lot recently and I am trying to give her some space to adjust to everything that has happened. Do you understand?"

"No," Roland was petulant. "I liked living with 'Gina and Henry when I wasn't with Mama. Why can't we live there again?"

"Why indeed?" Robin asked rhetorically, inwardly cursing Regina's stubbornness. The woman might not trust him anymore but surely she knew, viscerally as he did, that they were meant to be together. Instead, she was going to run away to the Enchanted Forest with a deranged portal jumper. It was intolerable. He only had a day or two at most. Drastic action was required.

"Roland, you are going to have to trust me when I say I am going to do everything that I can to make things like they were, okay? But I am going to need some time. Can you be patient, my boy?"

"I suppose," Roland conceded graciously. "As long as we get 'Gina back."

Robin could not have agreed more. And given that he had had very little success in wooing Regina back with soft approaches and no pressure he was beginning to think that he might need to take a different approach.

* * *

When she opened the front door she had no expectation of a surprise invasion into her personal space but that was precisely what she got. Robin had immediately stepped forward through the open door and slid an arm around her waist, pressing her forcefully against his body and lifting her off her feet. She gasped at his boldness but before she could demand that he put her down, take his damn hands off her and get the hell out of her house he had her braced against the hallway wall with his muscular frame. He kicked the front door shut with his foot and slid both of his hands into her hair, pulling her head back so that she was staring up at him. She suddenly felt short of breath and lost for words, watching his eyes darken as she stared wordlessly up at him, her lips slightly parted.

"Don't leave with him," he commanded. "Stay here with me." He didn't give her a chance to respond before he lowered his head and kissed her. He pried her lips open and immediately slid his tongue against hers, dominating the kiss and taking what he needed from her. His hands slid from her hair caressing her nape sensually. One hand trailed down to her leg, grasping under her knee and wrapping it up around his hip so he could grind his erection against her core as the other trailed past her shoulder blade and curved around her ribs to cup the underside of her breast. He lightly ran his thumb over her shirt covered nipple and pressed against her harder when he felt her moan and shudder at the caress. He could feel her try and pull back from his kiss, her whole body taut and trembling under his onslaught. He gave her a quick moment to breathe and then kissed her again, chasing her mouth, not wanting to give her time to think, not wanting her to turn him away. He plundered her mouth, pulling back slightly so he could gently nibble on her lips before kissing her again more fully. Her moans and whimpers drove him on and he needed more. Now. He rocked against her harder, needing the friction and not caring that he was dry humping her like a randy teenager. He wanted her to drown in the same sensations that were coursing through him every time he heard her soft cries or trembling shudders. He felt a primal satisfaction when her hips met his in the oldest of rhythms, working with him and not against him.

Feeling her surrender, he slid his hand under her shirt and cupped her breast more fully, pushing her bra out the way so that he could caress her bare skin. She whimpered against his mouth as his thumb brushed over her nipple. He released the leg he had been holding around his hip, giving her once last grind of his pelvis before he did so. She protested softly at the loss of friction as he tugged her shirt out of her trousers giving himself more room to manoeuvre with his wandering hands.

"Robin," she began, tearing her mouth from his.

"No," he cut her off. "Unless you tell me you are staying here with me then I don't want to hear it."

He spun her around then placing her palms flat on the wall and grinding his erection into her backside slowly so that she could feel every inch of him. He leaned over her and whispered in her ear, "Feel free to let me hear you moan though." He slid one hand straight down her pants, slipping under her panties and gliding directly over her sex. She yelped at the unexpected caress and braced herself against the wall, jerking back against him involuntarily. He nudged her legs wider with his feet and began to lightly stroke over her, spreading her wetness around her entrance but avoiding her clit. She whined, "Robin…"

"Uh uh. Those weren't the rules," he chided hotly into her ear. He slid his free hand up to her mouth and slid two of his fingers past her lips. "Suck," he ordered, groaning as he felt her tongue swirl around his digits, her mouth sucking gently. "Very good," he whispered returning the favour and sliding two fingers into her pussy. She gasped and clenched her muscles around his fingers surprised at the sudden intrusion. He pumped his fingers shallowly and slowly into her, his thumb finally brushing over her clit. She moaned and sucked on his fingers harder.

"You feel that, don't you? Your body responds to me at the slightest touch." He began pumping his fingers deeper into her, stroking her clit more forcefully and letting his words wash over her. He pulled his fingers from her mouth and grasped her hair again, forcing her head backwards over his shoulder, forcing her to look up at him. He bent and kissed her, despite the awkward angle, swallowing her moans as he felt her pussy grow tighter around his digits. He ground his cock against her soft arse as he tightened his grip on her, her body rocking in time with his fingers.

"I can feel how close you are. I remember every magical moment of our night together. You're going to come for me. Because you belong to me." He thrust his fingers harder up into her, increasing his pace. "And I belong to you. And if you weren't so fucking stubborn you would have admitted that by now." He ran his thumb lightly over her clit, teasing her and drawing out her build up. She was gasping and shaking in his arms, her eyes closed and hands scrambling for purchase on the wall. He bent her back a little more so her toes only scraped the ground, resting her weight against his erection and shoulder. He pumped her more forcefully, rubbing his thumb slowly across her clit. "I love you, Regina. We belong together." She opened her eyes and gazed him dazed and unable to speak. Unable to offer him anything other than raspy moans. "Now come for me," he ordered, hoisting her higher on his fingers and pressing down hard on her clit. And she did, her eyes slamming shut and her body convulsing furiously in his arms as she cried out with pleasure. She gasped out her breath as her orgasm washed over her, the sensations tingling down to the tips of her toes. She drew great big breaths as she tried to come back to herself. Robin gently lowered her back to her feet and she leaned up against the wall, her forehead resting against the cool surface. As he slid his fingers from her he made sure to drag them over her clit and she moaned weakly at the over stimulation. He crowded her up against the wall again, whispering in her ear. "We are so good together. Stay. Stay with me." And with once last gentle grind of his hips against her, he was gone, leaving her grasping the wall with his words echoing in her ears and her pussy throbbing from her orgasm.

He hoped in his heart that his actions had helped his cause and not hindered them.

* * *

The next day he watched as Regina and Jefferson stepped through the portal to the Enchanted Forest, his heart like lead in his stomach and the words to stop her caught in his throat. The whole town had come out to watch the inaugural journey through the new portal and there was a celebratory feel in the air as if Storybrook had finally gotten something right. The joyful festive air of the townspeople grated against his misery.

Robin sighed and turned away. She was gone. He hadn't been able to convince her to stay, to be with him. He kicked the ground moodily wondering how he was going to get past this, wondering if this was what she had felt when he had left her. He cursed himself for a fool and directed his feet to the Rabbit Hole where he planned to get blind stinking drunk. 'No wonder Regina went a little crazy,' he thought to himself as he sipped his first drink. He betrayed her and abandoned her and now he was suffering like she had. Robin made himself comfortable, poured himself another drink and let the self-loathing wash over him.

* * *

**I don't think I write sexy scenes well but I thought it was needed – if I was a man I think I would use direct tactics to win back fair lady and Robin has already played the overly romantic card. Hopefully, it wasn't too jarring.**


	18. Awaken and Arise c4

**Okay so we have reached the end – there will be a short epilogue to follow in the next few days but this chapter should tie everything up. Thank you a million times over to all those who have followed and fav'd this story and a hundred times more to those who reviewed. Your comments and encouragement was invaluable and I hope I did you all justice.**

**I'm so pleased that many of you liked the last scene between Marian and Regina – it was actually one of the first scenes I wrote in this story and it is one of my absolute favourites, not only because it shows how far Regina has come but because now she knows it too. I think after this she might be unstoppable.**

**The lyrics in this chapter are from a Mika song called "Happy Ending". This song was the inspiration for this entire fic, even though it went off course – it's well worth youtubing.**

* * *

Robin spends the next few days in a cycle of misery and booze. It isn't until Little John reminds him that it is his turn with Roland for the next few days that drags himself out of his stupor, showers and shaves, and starts behaving like a proper human being again.

When he goes to collect Roland, Marian is waiting for him looking hesitant and unsure, smiling coyly. When Roland runs inside to get his things, Marian lingers on the porch of the farmhouse with Robin.

"I visited the Queen, I mean, Regina, a few days ago," she began slowly. "I told her that our marriage was over. She didn't…" Marian paused looking for the right word. "She was…"

"Stubborn? Disbelieving? Yes, I am acquainted with her inability to admit something that she doesn't want to. Thank you, though. For talking to her. Or for trying too."

"We agreed to be civil, for Roland's sake. He rather adores her," she admitted uncomfortably.

"She is good with him. He doesn't see her for her past. It makes it easier for her to be open with him."

"And you and she?" she asks refusing to look him in the eye.

"Marian…"

"No, don't tell me. I don't think I want to know just yet. If you don't say it, then maybe you and I aren't over."

"She's gone, Marian. To the Enchanted Forest. I'm not sure that she will come back." He paused and tried speak with care. "But either way, Marian, our marriage is over. I'm sorry but I love her. I will love her until the end of my days, even if I cannot be with her. I made her doubt my constancy once before and I'll not do it again. I'll wait for her even if I am only ever waiting in the wings." He didn't want to hurt her any more than he already had but he needed to be clear, their relationship was now a friendship and the most important thing between them was Roland.

Luckily, Roland came bounding out then declaring he was ready to go. Marian sighed and nodded at Robin.

On their way to Little John's they stopped at the park so Roland could have a turn on the swings. Robin was still feeling a tad under the weather due to his recent benders and collapsed on the bench, settling in to watch Roland play.

He let his mind drift off and when he shook himself out of his stupor he noticed that Henry was sitting next to him. He looked over at Roland who was being chased around the park by Emma and David. Robin looked nonplussed as Henry explained, "Ever since she climbed that tree she has been trying to recapture bits of her childhood." Henry shrugged. "It's a little dorky but it makes her happy and Gramps is happy to indulge her, even if it is just a game of tag."

"Henry, I am so sorry," Robin apologised.

"For what?" Henry looked confused.

"For not being able to convince Regina stay in Storybrook. I know that the Enchanted Forest is just a portal away now but it must be hard for you not to have her around all the time. I'm so sorry, my boy, I really thought that I could convince her to give us another chance, our family another chance." Robin spoke despondently.

"Robin, what are you talking about? My mom didn't move back to the Enchanted Forest. She's staying here in Storybrook."

Now it was Robin's turn to look confused. "But I saw her leave with Jefferson."

"Yeah, they went through together first to make sure that the portal was safe and, you know, actually went to the Enchanted Forest. Jefferson stayed over there and Mom came back a few minutes later. She wanted to be the one to test the return journey so that no one else got stuck there accidentally."

"So, she's still here? In Storybrook?" Robin was dumbfounded. Hope welled up in him and he began smiling like the proverbial village idiot.

"Well, no, actually she's not."

Robin's smile dropped. "I'm sorry?"

"She is actually in the Enchanted Forest right now. She is helping clear some of the land and restore some of the buildings magically so that the first lot going over have somewhere to stay. But she'll be back tomorrow," he said cheerfully.

Robin sighed and slumped in his seat, his heart pounding wildly. The kid was killing him. "Back tomorrow?" he asked thoughtfully. He could wait a day. Just about.

* * *

"Feels strange, doesn't it?" Snow commented. At Regina's raised eyebrow she elaborated, "Being back in the Enchanted Forest again. Voluntarily."

"You didn't have to come, dear," Regina reminded her. "I was fine popping over to restore the buildings myself."

"I know, I just…" Snow trailed off. "I just didn't want you to come alone, in case… in case you decided to stay here after all."

Regina laughed lightly. "So that's why you came? You're my self-appointed parole officer?" Snow blushed. "You needn't have worried, Snow, it was made very clear to me that moving back here would not only be me living in the past but that I wouldn't last a week because I'd either go crazy with boredom or insane from a lack of hot water and plumbing."

"And you'd miss your family." Snow prompted her.

Regina conceded, "And I would miss my family."

"Even Emma."

"Yes, Snow, I would even miss L'Enfant Terrible."

"And Robin?" It came out as a question this time, not a statement.

Regina paused. 'Yeah, what about Robin?' she thought to herself. Snow waited quietly watching the emotions flicker over Regina's face as she considered the question. He had been so earnest since she had gotten her memories back, so focussed on her and _so_ determined to prove that she was loved. She blushed recalling his latest attempt to prove to her that they belonged together. As lovers, as family, as everything.

"I'm scared, Snow," she finally admitted in a quiet voice. "I've tried not to but I can't help but hope and it terrifies me."

Snow stepped over to her and rubbed her shoulder, a half hug. "It's ok to be scared, Regina. It shows that it means something to you, that it is important. If you weren't scared then it wouldn't be so valuable."

Regina nodded, her eyes beginning to water. "I just don't know… I just don't know that I am strong enough for this. I…"

Snow grabbed both her shoulders and spun Regina to face her. "Regina, you are the strongest woman I know, bar none!" She kept the eye contact, refusing to let Regina flinch away from her. "After everything you have been through, after everything that has happened, you're here, standing tall. Don't you see how amazing that is? Since you've gotten your memories back you've evolved into a stronger, wiser, kinder woman. I know you don't see it but you can do anything Regina." An unholy gleam came into Snow's eyes. "And I am going to prove it to you."

She let go of the dazed Regina and grabbed a knife. Catching Regina's hand she sliced the blade across her palm quickly before Regina could pull away.

"Fuck! What the hell, Snow?" Regina cursed looking furiously at Snow as she held her hand away from her to avoid blood dripping all over her clothes.

"Heal yourself."

"You know I can't use my new magic to heal myself," Regina snapped. "God damn it!"

"Just try," Snow pleaded. "Please. What have you got to lose?"

Regina glared at her and gritted her teeth. She didn't trust herself to open her mouth again for fear of tearing Snow a new one. Instead she raised her uninjured hand and created the ball of white magic. Taking a deep breath she guided it over to her cut palm and watched in amazement as her body accepted her own healing magic. The cut closed over and the blood that had pooled in her hand disappeared.

Snow was wise enough not to gloat but she couldn't help a, "_You are strong_, Regina. _You are loved_. And it seems that now, finally, you know it too. You can do anything you want."

She turned to give Regina a few minutes of privacy to come to terms with the changes within her. Over her shoulder she called out, "You just need to know what it is that you want!"

Regina stared down at her palm. She had done it. She had healed herself. She was amazed. Two weeks ago she sad and angry and unable to heal herself and now she felt strong and confident and _worthy_. If she had managed to overcome her doubts and start to value herself again maybe it was possible that she could let go of her fear and doubts about Robin. Maybe, the next time she saw him, she wouldn't feel that undercurrent of anger that she had hidden from the world. The subconscious anger at her soul mate because she hadn't been enough for him, that she wasn't as good or worthy as Marian. Because, clearly, whatever he had done for her when she had lost her memories, had done her a psyche a world of good. Maybe it was time to grow up and let go of the pain. She loved Robin and he loved her. Surely that was more than enough to try and build a life together on.

* * *

When Robin breaks into her house the following day she is already back from the Enchanted Forest and in the kitchen, listening to the radio and washing some dishes. He watches her as she sways in time to the music. She is unaware that she is being watched and she moves unselfconsciously, comfortable in own skin. He could watch her forever. But then he hears her singing with the song and is forced to speak.

'_This is the way you left me, I'm not pretending. _

_No hope, no love, no glory, no happy ending. _

_This is the way we that we love, like its forever. _

_To spend the rest of our lives, but not together_,' she sang softly.

"Is that what you imagine will become of us?" he asked brokenly, surprising her with his presence. She stiffened, wondering how long he had been there watching her.

"It's just a song, Robin," she sighed. "But yes, maybe once upon a time, not so long ago, I did think I would be doomed to love you and not be _with_ you." He stood unflinching, taking _her truth_ on board without trying to deflect or defend.

"I love you Robin and somehow I know you love me. I once told Little John that if it wasn't love then it wasn't enough, but now, even knowing that it _is_ love, I'm not sure it means that we can be together. Maybe I'm being greedy. But everything that we feel for each other is forced, predestined, with no choice in the matter. You and I are at the mercy of Tink's pixie dust. We lost our freewill. And the one time you did have a choice, you had freewill, you chose to be with your wife. Whatever else has happened, I'm not sure I can forgive and forget that. You didn't pick me. I wasn't enough for you, I wasn't what you wanted."

"If you would just let me explain I never made a choice. I let time slip by, yes, but I never consciously chose. And given time and another chance I will spend the rest of my days proving this to you."

She was silent, finishing the washing up and picking up a tea towel to start drying the dishes. He seemed to understand that there was something calming in the chore and he didn't move any closer to her than the kitchen island.

"I was inert," he confessed. "I couldn't process it. My soul mate and my true love. Here, together, in the same time. I just shut down. It was easier to do nothing than to face what was happening. I was so angry," he confessed. "But I was also selfish. I didn't put you first. I didn't realise what it would feel like to you, to feel me withdraw from you until I thought you were leaving me to be with Jefferson. But Regina, pixie dust or no, compelled to love you or not, I do. I love you. I don't much care why. I just love you. I get that you are scared. I'm scared too. But I am more scared of losing you than I am of anything else. I am happy and proud to love you. Every single part of you. And if you let me in I know we can build something wonderful together."

A sharp carving knife she had been drying slipped from her grasp at his words, slicing across the back of her arm. The wound wasn't deep but it did draw blood. Robin stepped forward immediately but she gestured with her good hand for him to stop. Slowly she waved her uninjured arm over the cut. Her magic came forth gently and calmly and slowly seeped into her wound, knitting the skin together perfectly as if she had never been cut. She stared at her arm in silence for a full minute, stunned that she had managed to heal herself with her new magic again. She wasn't just a one trick pony. 'You can do this,' she thought. 'You're strong enough for this.'

"Okay," she said in a small but firm voice.

"Okay?" he asked hopefully.

She turned to face him properly then, drying her hands on the dishtowel. "Okay, I give you leave to prove it to me. Every day from now until eternity, prove to me that you love me, that you choose me. Don't do this out of guilt or pity or because you feel you to have to. If you choose me, I want you to choose me again and again every damn day."

He stepped forward then, his arms going around her like a vice, his hips pinning hers back against the kitchen counter. "For the rest of our lives," he vowed thickly before tugging her head back and kissing her deeply, sliding his tongue into her warm mouth immediately and kissing her like he was branding her as his own. She moaned at his passion and shifted against him slightly, better fitting him to her curves. He drew back panting. "I love you. I love you so much."

She buried her face in his neck and held him tight. "I love you too. I've missed you." She could feel the tension in his shoulders start to dissipate. "Robin, if we do this, we don't look back. No more living in the past."

He smiled, the joy she felt reflected in his eyes. He kissed her softly, once. "Aye, milady. We look to our future," he agreed, kissing her again for good measure.

* * *

**In the end, I hope it wasn't too corny or unrealistic.**


	19. Epilogue

**I cannot believe how long it took for this to come together – it was remarkably frustrating to come up with an ending that I was happy with. ****I'm still not 100% satisfied with this, but it is beyond overdue.**

**Thank you to everyone who has read this story and to those who have taken a few extra moments to review. ****Your support and encouragement is wonderful.**

* * *

It wasn't easy for either of them to keep the past in the past but they persevered using their all too often bickering as a platform for passionate forgiveness. Regina was realistic about their chances of maintaining a successful relationship. They were both stubborn and independent and neither of them were used to having someone else to rely on, to fall back on. But now that she could admit that she loved him and could believe that he loved her, she thought that was more than most people could hope for when embarking on such a partnership. She didn't mind that they spent their first few months together fighting as they tried to figure out boundaries and each other's limits. As long they always came back to each other after a rousing good argument then she knew they would be okay.

Robin and Roland move back in immediately though Regina banishes Robin to the guest room. He is still so contrite and guilt-ridden that he acquiesces without argument which makes Regina frown. If they are really going to leave the past behind then she needs him to get over his guilt and regrets. Withholding sexual gratification is the only thing she can think of that will rouse him from his stupor. She wants him to fight for her, like he promised he would. In the end, it takes her getting into yet another life threatening situation for him to lose his cool enough to forget his guilt and his reserve. After that, all their fights end in passionate and sometimes still angry sex and later, when their relationship becomes more secure and steady, it could be said that both of them were occasionally guilty of picking a fight in order to go through the pleasurable process of making up.

In the meantime, their family is everything that she had hoped it would be. Henry is happy, adores it when Roland spends his half of the week with Robin and them. Emma is envious and often comes over to luxuriate in the strange family she finds herself now having access to. Regina smirks with unadulterated satisfaction at this. Finally, she has beaten Henry's other mother, she has something Emma doesn't. Because she's all grown up now she doesn't hold it over Emma (though she permits herself a few well aimed smirks because hey she might not be evil anymore but she is still damn snarky) and who knew all it took to win was letting herself be happy?

Many of Robin and Regina's initial arguments centre on Regina putting herself in unnecessary danger (as Robin huffily refers to it) but she has just gotten this wonderful family of hers back together and she isn't keen to let the Snow Queen (and later Jafar, Madame Mim and the Headless Horseman) ruin what she has created here. With Gold and Emma working with her, their combined magic was well-nigh unstoppable and she never really felt like she was in danger. She understood Robin's fears but wasn't going to roll over and placate him when he was just as capable of taking unnecessary risks that stopped her heart too.

In the end, Robin's banishment from her bedroom works in their favour as it forces them to resolve their arguments the old fashioned way, by really talking honestly to each other about their anxieties and worries. They manage to talk through a plethora of insecurities and fears and even though they both possess the uncanny ability to drive the other up the wall, it happens far less frequently as they develop their new partnership together. All in all Regina is pleased with their progress though the sexual frustration mounts up within her. She takes to letting Robin 'accidentally' catch her whilst she is dressing making sure he gets an eyeful of whatever lingerie she is currently teasing him with. His eyes darken and his breath catches every single time and whilst it is gratifying to watch him swallow unsteadily he still hasn't given in and pounced on her like he is supposed to. She considers how to up her game and wonders if she is being childish in not talking to him about this final barrier to their happiness. He is (when they aren't arguing) still so bloody grateful that she took him back that he refuses to ask for anything except that she consider his blood pressure and her personal safety when going off to fight the latest big bad.

It all comes to a head when Regina is knocked unconscious by the ever treacherous Sidney and is left abandoned in the woods. Robin is frantic when the locator spells don't work and she has been missing for half the day. When she is found and her head wound healed by Emma he all but kidnaps her and locks them both in her bedroom for twenty four hours until he is convinced that she is alive and okay and utterly, _pleasurably_, spent. It becomes a running joke through the town that whenever one of them nearly dies, they ship the kids to the nearest willing babysitter and seclude themselves in their bedroom until the fear of death taking one of them passes. She's fairly certain this behaviour is not only clingy but highly co-dependent and possibly a tad unhealthy but it works for them and that's all there is to it.

Robin finally puts his fear of the past to rest after they travel to the Enchanted Forest together for a weekend away. Regina has been unofficially designated the two world's go-between and often makes trips to the Enchanted Forest to check in on the inhabitants. Her visits usually only last the day but since she and Robin had become intimate again they decided to make a mini-break of her next trip. They left their kids with their other mothers, packed some supplies and headed back to where they had first met. They were just settling in at the newly established inn when Regina casually mentions that she needs to drop some things off at Jefferson's and that she won't be gone long. She watches as Robin's face hardens with jealousy and she sighs, her shoulders falling, waiting for the explosion. No matter how committed she is to Robin and their family, he cannot help his reaction whenever Jefferson is mentioned. The Hatter is a constant reminder to him of how close he came to losing her and whilst his reaction is knee jerk and involuntary, it still affects him and saddens her. Seeing Regina's sigh and expectant argument he suggests that he take the supplies to Jefferson instead. She raises an eyebrow in surprise but agrees if it means they won't be starting their romantic weekend away bickering about the past.

Robin comes back two hours later sporting an impressive black eye and bruised knuckles. She is inwardly fuming, wondering what on earth had kept him but says nothing as he cradles her gently in his arms and contrastingly kisses her furiously. She is breathless and wanting when he pulls back and tells her that Jefferson has invited them over for dinner tomorrow night. She never does find out what they said to each other but after that trip Jefferson is no longer a haunting reminder for Robin. She thinks the corresponding black eye that Jefferson sports at dinner may have something to do with it but she doesn't question either of them, not when everything has worked out so well. Far be it for her to try and unravel the mysteries of the male species. She is pretty sure that it isn't that complicated anyway. It seems that a punch for a wrong doing is the universal currency and she is relatively grateful that men make it so easy on themselves. She had to endure hours of soul searching conversation with Snow before they reached their first real truce though if she had had the choice she would've opted for a single punch followed by a manly grasping of the shoulders (not a hug, never a hug) in order to restore her relationship with her step daughter, rather than the torturous hours of '_sharing their feelings_'. She suspects Snow knew this and made her suffer anyway. Her step daughter was never as pure as the stories suggested and Regina loves her just a little bit more because of it.

Though things within her own family are ridiculously normal, her relationship with Marian doesn't really improve over the years and even though she has learnt to share Henry with Emma she doesn't manage to replicate a similar relationship with her lover's ex-wife. Robin and Marian have a good friendship and Regina supposes that is enough to keep things civil between them all. She and Marian keep their distance from each other and it mostly works. She sometimes wonders if Robin would prefer that she and Marian were friendlier with each other, that if over time they became true friends then he could sit back and smile as if this was all as the fates had intended. But whilst her lover might often be a dreamer he is not naïve and surely given everything, he must be grateful there is no bloodshed. Still, she never asks.

They don't have children of their own and they never marry. Regina raises the topic one night when they are naked and sated in front of the fire, wrapped around each other and sipping from a shared nightcap. She assumes his inherent traditionalism would dictate a proposal in the near future and she wants to tackle it head on before it originates. After Daniel, marriage became a thing of dread for her and she wants him to understand that the very concept still makes her soul freeze in way that she can't quite manages to shake, no matter how safe and happy she feels. He surprises her though, nuzzling her neck with his nose. "I would love to tie you to me in every way possible and have the whole world know it. But, Regina, I know you are mine and our whole world already knows this as truth. I know your first marriage wasn't wonderful and what we have now is. I don't think we could be more committed to each other than we are right now. If you wish to marry then I would be happy for you to call me husband but honestly, love, I already feel, in my heart, that I am _yours_. Whatever you want to call me… I belong solely to you… even if what you call me is occasionally decidedly unflattering."

She had thought she had been happy before but Robin's words made her heart sing and her eyes brighten with happy tears. She makes love to him again using every ounce of feeling in her to try and convey how happy and secure he makes her feel.

Life happens and Regina is pleasantly surprised that whilst they have their ups and downs their life is fairly monotonous and mundane. She revels in their family life, the structure of getting the kids to school on time, making dinner and making sure their homework is done and that they are showered and tucked into bed. And as the years flow on she watches as Emma teaches the kids to drive, as Robin counsels them their through their first love affairs, watching them with tears in her eyes as they move out to university, happy when they move back with their families and her grandkids.

One day, when her hair is streaked with grey, she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror on her way outside to tend to her vegetable patch. She stops, amazed, at the happy old lady looking back her. She can't remember the last time she really looked at herself in the mirror, preferring to rely on her long time lover's assessment that she is as stunning as the day he first met (saved) her. Curiously, she takes in the faded and worn jeans (but never ripped, no matter the dictates of fashion she would never stoop to looking like a street urchin on purpose), the lack of makeup and hair style and the loose and faded oversized singlet purloined from Robin's drawer. And she laughs. Hysterically, full bodied belly laughter comes spilling out of her in waves. She laughs in peaks and troughs, gasping her breath in between waves but unable to stem the tide of her hilarity.

Robin rushes in looking concerned. "What is it, love? What's wrong?"

"My mother…" she gasps out. Robin reels. Regina hasn't spoken of Cora for years. He had thought she had gotten over her familial issues decades ago and he fears whatever new taint her mother was bringing down on her. Regina sees his fear and tried to reassure him but cannot gather her breath through the laughter.

"If only… if only… she could see me now!" Regina finally spat our triumphantly. "Look at me!"

Robin shook his head still not understanding. "I'm a mess!" She smiled up at him brilliantly, waving her mini gardening spade around wildly. "She would be mortified at my appearance." And a fresh wave of delighted laughter swept her away. Robin chuckled with her, grasping around the edges of comprehension. This was Regina's final way of letting go. She hadn't heard the critical voice of her mother in her head for over a decade. And now she knew that she never would again.

"You still look like a queen to me," he murmured, bringing her body in closer to his with purpose.

"And you're still my favourite thief…. Even if you have become a dirty old man," she sassed feeling one of his hands slide down to cup her bottom.

"God, don't you two ever stop?" Emma snarked entering uninvited as was her wont. Over the years the entire town had become inured to the sexual exploits and overt affection that Robin and Regina shared.

"Well if you enter uninvited and unannounced…" Regina deliberately rubbed up against Robin suggestively whilst glaring at Emma.

"It wouldn't change a damn thing," Emma smiled. "Remember Snow's last birthday party on the balcony? Give it up, guys, discreet has never been your thing. Which reminds of why I am here, braving yet another round of 'which of Regina and Robin's naked body parts will be exposed to my innocent eyes'… Mom wanted me to make sure you hadn't forgotten Dad's surprise party tonight, and to make sure you bring the canapés over by two as promised."

Regina snorts. "As if I could forget with Snow sending out reminders out every five minutes. Tell your overly neurotic mother that it is all under control."

"Why don't we take some stuff over now?" Robin suggested. "It might ease her mind somewhat."

Emma nodded enthusiastically, clearly having suffered the brunt of Snow's party planning so far. Regina groans and looks up pathetically at Robin. "But I thought we were going to… you know…"

Emma rolls her eyes. Robin grins down at her, assuring her that they can make it up later. "Yeah, it's not like you guys don't have all the time in the world," Emma grouses, gently ushering them away from each other. Regina stomps off to the kitchen to retrieve the canapés and Robin goes to get the car ready. Emma smiles affectionately at the pair. She too feels free from the choices she made long ago and seeing Robin and Regina as much in love as they were all those years ago and still fighting for each makes her smile like a little kid. Because Snow and David might have taught her about holding on and keeping faith but Robin and Regina are her poster kids for love gone wrong and the fight to make it work out alright. Her parents had the fairy tale but Emma has always been a realist and Regina and Robin's daily struggles to work out in the 'real' world always make her just a little bit soft and squidgy on the inside.

Later at the party Regina takes a moment to look around at her people. David though aged and grey still has that mixed look of strength and goofiness, Snow next to him with her soft smile and nervous energy humming under the surface. Ruby is chasing the newest group of collective grand kids around the backyard whilst Henry's wife looks on concerned. Henry has grown into the best man she could've hoped for and more importantly she knows he is genuinely happy with his life. He is talking to Roland who is as irrepressible as ever, her wild spirit child who never settled down and she suspects never will.

Leroy and Little John have been engaging in a drinking competition and have just reached the arm wrestling portion of the evening, both far too elderly to be engaging in such ridiculous behaviour. She hears Robin chuckle behind her seconds before she feels his arms slide around her waist. She leans her head back on his shoulder and inhales his scent. He snuggles her closer to him and pulls her back to rest with him against the trunk of a tree. They remain like that, motionless and silent, shadowed from the party and she thinks that through everything, the pain and the loss, she wouldn't change a single thing about her life if she has this. Emma was right earlier, she and Robin do have all the time in world. She has felt blessed for every moment they have shared and is grateful for every minute more they are gifted with. "Who'd have thought we'd make it this far?" she whispered to him softly.

"Well, I always knew we were a sure thing," he whispered back with a hint of cocky.

"Did you really?" she asked quietly. "I didn't," she confessed. "Who we were, what we had done… I wasn't certain that we could overcome it all and actually put the past behind us."

Robin kissed her neck and pulled her ever closer. "Ah, love, that's okay. Not knowing just added to the fun of the journey." His voice was light and flippant. "What does it matter? Where we are, how we got here… best possible outcome."

She reached behind her to gently ruffle his hair. "Yes, my love. It's been wonderful."

"Magical, you could say."

And they watched, still (always) wrapped up in each other, as Emma threw magical fireworks up into the night sky, now her standard party trick, the light gently illuminating the faces of their loved ones, their friends and family, their happily ever after.

* * *

**The End**


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